A Great Day & Ikea

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So I woke up this morning and thought to my self ok so yesterdays hair issue is whatever I threw on a wig and poof its gone haha. Got together with my man and we went to Ikea. I wore the navy blue tank dress that I had bought at Old Navy a few months back. If you would like to pick one up you can do so by going Here for US and Here for CA. I bought two a few months back this navy one as well a lighter pink color. I asked my boyfriend to take a snap of it because I don’t have any shots of it. And I paired it with that necklace which is like a peach color and this cute bracelet.

I love Ikea and the many great ideas you can get from that store. I found my new dresser that I want it has 6 drawers two smaller ones at the top I guess for jewelry or whatever and then 4 deep ones below it. I like that its slimmer and not overly huge. It comes in two colors black and white.

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After Ikea we then went to a place to eat neither of us had ever been to before for lunch, Or brunch since they were still serving that so we had the spinach omelette it was very tasty, it came with bread but of course I stayed away from that for fear of having an IBS attack. I think the eggs were a tad greasy but tasty nonetheless. We also had a mimosa’s his was peach and mine was raspberry. Id never had one of those before wow those sure are yummy lol, I was gonna say tasty but but that would have been three times in a matter of seconds haha.

I did a 15 minute workout even tho I was not going to because of all that walking at Ikea that alone is a workout in its self but I feel good when I work up a sweat. I feel better too. And ya that was my day which was a whole lot better than Friday.

Oh & I love my boyfriend so much.

Over & Out

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My Lovely Friday ( That Was Sarcasm )

Ok so all this week my new glasses have been ill-fitting my face pinching my nose. Leaving this red mark on the left side of my nose. Already went back to get them fixed and still having problems so I went in today to see if something could be done. The lady sat me down and looked carefully at them and said there not fitting properly and that I could get new frames at no extra cost. Not sure why others never saw it but whatever I was happy to hear that of course. So she found some frames, I liked the fit of them but the color I was not fond of so she went to see if they came in other colors and lucky for me they came in the exact color as the ones I bought. And now I just have to wait for those new ones to come in. The shape is closer to what I have been wearing, So that’s the good news from this Friday.

Now on to the bad news. So I went to the hair salon near my house wanting to get rid of my grey hairs. I thought id get an all over color and go blonde. So I picked the shades it was a cross between two different ones nothing to crazy. She does this lightening treatment and my hair turns orange. She tells me it’s that color because of the boxed dye I had in my hair from the drugstore but before consulting another person she goes to put the color on and it did nothing to my hair. She blow dries my hair after and its yucky not nice at all. Shes like what do you think?. I respond saying this is not what i wanted its orange. Parts of it are darkish its just wrong in so many ways. I had asked her when she was washing my hair how long she had been doing hair for she’s like 21 years. I thought great I’m in good hands. NOT.

I’m like look I wanted blonde I’m not blonde and I’m not paying for this. I said I’m not leaving here with orange hair. Lets just color it dark brown and call it a day. So I picked a very dark brown R4. Leaves me for like half hour. Comes back and washes it out. She starts to blow dry and I’m looking and there are still parts that look like the color did not take. But they keep telling me it looks fine. I tipped the girl $5 bucks cause I felt bad. I paid for the color when I should have paid nothing since it was there fuck up.

I get home and yup some spots don’t look that great. Then when I was out with my boyfriend tonight he looks at the back of my fave pink tank top and says there is color on the back of the neck. I look and sure enough there is dark brown hair dye on my fucking top. So of course I’m pissed now. There closed on weekends and Monday is a Holiday here so now I have to wait till Tuesday to go back and complain and have them try to get my money back. And or get money for them ruining my top. Never been to such an unprofessional salon in my life. You would think that they would tell me there is a chance of your hair going orange or something.

On my way to the salon on the left, The right three photo in 1 on my way to Orangeville to brown.

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UGH

I did come home washed my hair because it looked a little to shiny and more color came out. It’s like they did not even wait till the water ran clear. So Annoyed. The guys like you can always come back in a week or so and get the master stylist to give you highlights I’m like I’ll wait a bit and leave my hair alone give it a break.

The only reason I’ll go back is to get my money back in full and bring my top with me to complain. I’ll never go back there for anything else.

Over & Out

Revlon Nail Polish

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Revlon has come out with their own gel nail enamel with a diamond top coat. My mother bought two colors I picked out one and she bought the other color as well the top coat. The color in these photo’s is called Hot Hand. It’s a matte color and with two coats its pretty perfect. I set my timer on my phone to ten minutes per coating. And then 30 minutes for the diamond top coat. Sure I did not have to wait that long probably but I just wanted to make sure it was fully dry.

Of course this is a first look review and so I will come back and do a re review and let you all know how it wears and if there is any chipping and what not. She bought it on sale for around $6 bucks on sale I believe from the drugstore.

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Hello Kitty is not a cat, plus more reveals before her L.A. tour – LA Times

Hello Kitty is not a cat.

You read that right. When Yano was preparing her written texts for the exhibit at the Japanese American National Museum, she says she described Hello Kitty as a cat. “I was corrected — very firmly,” she says. “That’s one correction Sanrio made for my script for the show. Hello Kitty is not a cat. She’s a cartoon character. She is a little girl. She is a friend. But she is not a cat. She’s never depicted on all fours. She walks and sits like a two-legged creature. She does have a pet cat of her own, however, and it’s called Charmmy Kitty.”

via Hello Kitty is not a cat, plus more reveals before her L.A. tour – LA Times.

It’s A Little To Much

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Anyone who suffers from trichotillomania will get this and understand where I am coming from. When you have hair everyday can be a struggle as well a milestone when you don’t pull any hair out. My hair has not been as long as it is now in many many years maybe 2006. Iv tried to grow it out since then and get to a length then pull then shave then work on growing it back out to fill those spots in. And repeat the cycle all over again in most cases. For a while I just kept shaving my head and gave up on trying to grow my hair out even though all the spots had grown in. I kept it buzzed fear of ripping it out if it became long. So I would just wear pretty realistic wigs but felt like a fake when I went to bed and had to remove my hair for the night.

My biggest challenge as of right now is not pulling hair out of my head. It has not been this long in years. The grey hairs that I have bother me immensely as well the texture in some areas of my head. In total since growing my hair out I have maybe pulled 10 hairs in the course of a few months. Not including the hair that washes off my head in the shower. I am however trying my 100% not to pull and will throw on my turban before I have an urge or while I have an urge.

Also the feeling of when you pull feels good and so I am trying very hard not to do any real damage. I don’t think I have ever tried this hard not to pull in my life of pulling. I’m also not giving in and letting it take over my body functions IE my fingers. And I’m snapping my self out of that trance you go through when my fingers go to my hair. My goal is to have long flowy gorgeous hair by next summer for my family reunion. And for the rest of my life. Sure I could get the same effect with a wig but it would not be the same by any means. And so I have to just not let trich take over. I refuse to let it win and I refuse to let it destroy my hair and my scalp.

Typically in the past when I would even pull one hair or two it would lead to more like handfuls of hair. There would be so much on the floor that it would be horrific to then look in the mirror and see the damage that I inflicted on to my self. The guilt and shame that would then wash over me it’s so self-esteem killing for people who don’t get it or understand its one of the worst feelings in the world to feel that nobody else but you alone did this to your self and yet there is no cure for this fucked up disorder.

Also the only way I knew to stop my self then was to take some clippers and buzz off the remaining hair that was left on my head. The times where I would grow it back in the spots would fill in and Id try to grow my hair again to have to turn around and shave it bald was something I was used too. I was able to grow my hair long twice but the longest was back in 2005 to 2006 before having a very bad spell and having to shave it again. Most of my trich was just the hair on my head but there have been times in the past where I plucked all my eyebrow hairs as well pulled my eyelashes all out. The eye brows was not that hard to camouflage because I just drew them on with brow pencil but my eyelashes took way to long to grow back out and to hide that I was using eye liner.

It was easy to pluck the eyelashes because after wearing mascara instead of washing it off id just pull on them. I only did that a few times then made sure to wash it off whenever I wore the mascara. But my main problem has always been the hair on my scalp. That has been my biggest battle but I’m hoping with my behaviour modification that I am doing will be something that will be the best way to keep the hair on my head in place and to deter me from pulling for a long time to come. As I write this I am once again wearing my turban cap. I should really pick up a few more because for me it really does the trick to stop me from pulling from wanting to pull and it makes the feeling or thinking disappear.

I also don’t see the grey bits or think of the texture or anything when I’m wearing my turban cap. Also if I’m wearing a wig I also don’t think of my bio hair at all. Maybe because its covered up. Maybe that’s it like a trick to my brain almost if its covered up I don’t see it or feel it and so I don’t think of it at all. So then it’s not a worry or a bother. So ya I guess in a way I could just throw it on my head as soon as I wake up. The great thing is just to add is that the feeling is gone after about 5 minutes or so after wearing the turban cap. But I leave it on my head even after the feeling goes away. I don’t want to risk having a feeling come back. Of course when I’m out in public I go without it.

I hope anyone who is reading it knows there are other methods than just shaving your head and that it will get better. I was on medication for depression a few years ago and was told it would help with trich but it never worked and this at the moment is the only method that is currently working for me. There are options and please try out the ones that are out there I’m sure something will work for you. This battle almost is always a battle but if you try a method and it works stick to it. So far this is the only one working for me. I’m out of other options at this rate.

Over & Out

Medical group wants doctors to try every single thing possible before assisting death | Ottawa Citizen

Medical group wants doctors to try every single thing possible before assisting death

AUGUST 27, 2014 10:45 AM

But a landmark Supreme Court of Canada hearing is expected to add fuel to the end-of-life debate.

Dr. Chris Simpson, president of the Canadian Medical Association, said there are enough doctors in Canada willing to perform doctor-hastened death, if the federal ban outlawing euthanasia were lifted.

Before that, though, they need safeguards to protect the vulnerable and need a plan to shore up palliative care.

In recent days two high profile cases starkly illustrate how profoundly personal that choice is.

The death of Gillian Bennett last week sparked waves of emotion after the 85-year-old great-grandmother, who was in the early stages of dementia, shared a deeply poignant and powerful suicide note on her blog.

 

After reading it it touched me and so I copied her blog pages and put them below, Also if you click on any of the words below you will be taken to her site. RIP Gillian Bennett.

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(I will take my life today around noon. It is time. Dementia is taking its toll and I have nearly lost myself. I have nearly lost me. Jonathan, the straightest and brightest of men, will be at my side as a loving witness.


I have known that I have dementia, a progressive loss of memory and judgment, for three years. It is a stealthy, stubborn and oh-so reliable disease. I might have preferred an exotic ailment whose name came trippingly off the tongue, but no, what I have is entirely typical. I find it a boring disease, and despite the sweetness and politeness of my family I am bright enough to be aware of how boring they find it, too. It is so rough on my husband, Jonathan. I don't think my lovely cat has noticed, but I'm not sure.

Dementia gives no quarter and admits no bargaining. Research tells us that it's a “silent disease,” one that can lurk for years or even decades before its symptoms become obvious. Ever so gradually at first, much faster now, I am turning into a vegetable. I find it hard to keep in my mind that my granddaughter is coming in three day's time and not today. “Where do we keep the X?” (coffee / milkshake-maker / backspace on my keyboard / the book I was just reading) happens all the time. I have constantly to monitor what I say in an attempt not to make some gross error of judgment.

There comes a time, in the progress of dementia, when one is no longer competent to guide one's own affairs. I want out before the day when I can no longer assess my situation, or take action to bring my life to an end. There could also come a time when I simply must make a decision based on my deteriorating physical health. I do not like hospitals—they are dirty places. Any doctor will tell you to stay out of them if you possibly can. I would not want a fall, a stroke, or some unforeseen complication to mess up my decision to cost Canada as little as possible in my declining years.

Understand that I am giving up nothing that I want by committing suicide. All I lose is an indefinite number of years of being a vegetable in a hospital setting, eating up the country's money but having not the faintest idea of who I am.

Each of us is born uniquely and dies uniquely. I think of dying as a final adventure with a predictably abrupt end. I know when it's time to leave and I do not find it scary.
There are so many things we obsess about. We seem to have a need to get things right. Should we bring a bottle of wine or some flowers to the party? Will jeans and my new boots work or is that too casual? How do I find a new mate?

We do NOT talk much about how we die. Yet facing death is thoroughly interesting and absorbing and challenging. I have choices which I have reviewed, and either adopted or discarded. I think I have hit upon the right choice for me.

I have talked it over with friends and relatives. It is not a forbidden topic. Anything but.

***

Every day I lose bits of myself, and it's obvious that I am heading towards the state that all dementia patients eventually get to: not knowing who I am and requiring full-time care. I know as I write these words that within six months or nine months or twelve months, I, Gillian, will no longer be here. What is to be done with my carcass? It will be physically alive but there will be no one inside.

I have done my homework. I have reviewed my options:

Have a minder care for my mindless body. This would involve financial hardship for those I leave behind, or involve them in a seemingly endless round of chores that could erode even their fondest memories of me.
Request whatever care the government is willing to provide. (The facility will expect my husband, children, grandchildren, to visit often to thank the caretakers for how well they are looking after the carcass. Fair enough, but not what I wish for my family.)

End my own life by taking adequate barbiturates to do the job before my mind has totally gone. Ethically, this seems to me the right thing to do.
I can live or vegetate for perhaps ten years in hospital at Canada's expense, costing anywhere from $50,000 to $75,000 per year. That is only the beginning of the damage. Nurses, who thought they were embarked on a career that had great meaning, find themselves perpetually changing my diapers and reporting on the physical changes of an empty husk. It is ludicrous, wasteful and unfair.

My family, all of whom are rational and funny to boot, would not visit me in hospital, because they know I would not want them to.


The world strains under the weight of an aging population. We are living longer, and our life expectancies continue to grow. By 2045, the ratio of working-age citizens to their elderly dependents will become increasingly burdensome in almost every part of the world. In Canada and the US, the ratio is expected to be sixteen workers for every ten elderly dependents. It is a social and economic disaster in the making.

Yet most people say they would like to live to 90 or 100, or even beyond.

There are many ethical issues here: life extension radically alters people's ideas of what it is to be human—and not for the better. As we, the elderly, undergo manifold operations and become gaga while taking up a hospital bed, our grandchildren's schooling, their educational, athletic, and cultural opportunities, will be squeezed dry.

The heart of the problem is arithmetic: The post-World War ll Social Welfare State, created at a moment when the baby boom was still gestating, is built on a generational Ponzi scheme. As life expectancy increases and birth rates decline, the population pyramid is being inverted—and in some countries that is causing the entire economy to topple.

***

Everybody by the age of 50 who is mentally competent should make a Living Will that states how she wants to die, the circumstances under which she does not want to be resuscitated, etc. Add a statement such as: "If I am ill and frail and have an infection such as pneumonia, do not attempt to restore me to life with antibiotics. Pray let me pass. I do not give any relatives or doctors or psychiatrists the right to squelch this decision." One's general practitioner would have a copy.

Legally, everyone should have an obligation to make a Will, which would be stored electronically, could not be destroyed, and would be available automatically to any hospital in the world.

What about a person who refuses to make a Will? There should be a fallback Will that applies to everyone who has not done his civic duty. I do not have all the answers, but I do think I'm raising questions that need to be raised.

Three outsize institutions: the medical profession, the Law, and the Church will challenge and fight any transformative change. Yet we all hear of changes in each of these professions that suggest a broader approach, guided and informed by empathy. My hope is that all of these institutions will continue to transform themselves, and that the medical profession will mandate, through sensitive and appropriate protocols, the administration of a lethal dose to end the suffering of a terminally ill patient, in accordance with her Living Will.

Life seems somewhat like a party that I was dropped into. At first I was shy and awkward and didn`t know what the rules were. I was afraid of doing the wrong thing. It turned out that I was there to enjoy myself and I didn't know how to do that. Someone kind talked to me and made me laugh. I began to understand that actually I had to make up my own rules and then live by them.

I did pick up that I needed to know when to leave, and that is now.
All members of my immediate family are in Vancouver: daughter, son, two granddaughters and four grandsons. All know that it matters to me not to become a burden to them, or to Canada. I have discussed my situation with them all. In our family it is recognized that any adult has the right to make her own decision.

Just in case anyone is tempted to think I must be brave to off myself, you should know that I am a big sookie. I am sorely fearful of being alone in the dark. I am scared something will get me. I do not want to die alone. If my cat were failing in the way that I am, I would mix some sleeping medication in with top-quality ground beef, and when she fell asleep, carry her lovingly to the garden and do the rest. Who wants to die surrounded by strangers, no matter how excellent their care and competence?
I have had a husband beyond compare, and children and grandchildren who have outstripped me in most meaningful ways. Since I was seven I have had wonderful friends, whom I did and still do adore.

This is all much tougher than it need be on Jonathan, and I wish he did not have to be alone with his wife's corpse. Canadian law makes it a crime for anyone to assist a person committing suicide, and Jonathan, therefore, will in no way assist me. Our children, Sara and Guy, would so willingly be with their father, but the laws being what they are, we will not put them in jeopardy.
Today, now, I go cheerfully and so thankfully into that good night. Jonathan, the courageous, the faithful, the true and the gentle, surrounds me with company. I need no more.

It is almost noon.)

My Hair

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So today I messaged one of my friends who happens to be a hairstylist and wig stylist on facebook. I asked him about drugstore hair color as well salon color and grey hair. He told me that drugstore hair color has too much peroxide and if I do color from there to empty half of the developer out and replace it with water. Or go to a beauty supply store and get the right stuff which he gave me. Or better yet go to a salon and get them to do it because salon color is like a prescription to your exact color. Boxed color from the drug store may or may not give you the color you want.

Me ( I have a question what’s the best way to hide grey hair. The last two times iv dyed my hair with drug store hair color it did not cover well. So I’m just wondering what I should do to get rid of it lol besides wearing a wig lol. Any thoughts ? High lights what? Please help lol)

Friend (The drugstore colour has too high of volume of peroxide to properly cover grey . If you are finding your grey resistant go to beauty supplier and look for your colour level in a double ‘N’ and mix with 20 vol peroxide. Leave on roots for 30min and comb through ends for 10-15min . (Double ‘N’ colour or double Natural colour is specially formulated for resistant gray coverage) If you have to use drug store colour take the the bottle of peroxide/developer and throw one-third out and replace that one-third with water. This will water down peroxide to approximately right volume . Professional colour products are better of course. Adding highlights is great way to trick the eye into not seeing grey as it grows in)

Me (So if I go to a salon their color would be better if I want deep dark chocolate-brown? Thanks)

Friend (Yes, salon colour is like a prescription just for you it is made to work with your natural pigment and amount of grey etc. Drugstore colour is made to give a mass market something that may or may not look like the box . Usually for a deep chocolate you want a level 4 colour with double natural pigment)

So from knowing this great info now I will most likely not be bothering with at home hair dye. Or if I do at home hair dye now I know what to do to make the hair color stick to the grey hair. Though if I’m feeling like I wanna blow some money I’ll just go to the salon and have them give me my dark brown hair color.

Over & Out

The Dermatologist

This morning I had an appointment to see a dermatologist finally. She told me I had to go back on the pills I was on before apparently they can take up to 6 months to see any real results. Also this cream stuff to be applied to my skin. And told me about some mild cleansers and moisturizer. And to stop using the clean and clear that I have been using. Oh and to stop picking at the acne tho that’s easier said than done lol.  I go back to see her in 6 months Feb 27th. So hopefully by that point everything will be cleared up one can only hope.

Over & Out

Ottawa Gay Pride

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Another Gay Pride over and I never went to it. My man and I were gonna go and watch the parade but we decided to just chill and relax in the backyard on my deck. Plus its pretty hot here and even tho I think I wanna go, I think really I’m just past it. I’m not missing anything really and tho there were a few big names coming to the city to take part. It’s not the end of my world. Don’t get me wrong I’m proud to be who I am but I don’t need to see a parade to be proud. And sure I might have ran in to some people I knew for the most part I think its one of the fakest things out there. People come up to you and wish you a happy pride and yet these people who do it on any other day will ignore you to your face. So really where is the pride there? Hmmmm

Any who some big names were in town like Dj Hex Hector, Amanda Lepore, Carmen Carrera I would have liked to see those people but most places would have cost money no doubt. And it seems every year for the last little while I’ve been low on cash when it comes around. As I said it’s not the end of my world and I think pride for the most part is a touch fake. Any who Happy Pride LOL.

Over & Out

Miss Skinny Bitch To You Hunny LOL

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So Friday night I made plans to get together with two gal pals of mine for a drink and my boyfriend. I decided to get all dolled up and do my makeup all nice and wear a cute outfit and thought Id take some snap shots. The ones I’ll be posting with this post are the ones that turned out the best and the only editing is making them a tad brighter that’s it.

My eye makeup I took the most time on and did full face foundation. To cover all my ugliness that is my acne face lol. I did 5 shades of eyeshadow and also used my eyebrow pencil and enhanced my brows and made them much thicker than they are. I think all in all I did a great job and felt like a million bucks. I did a pale white color under the brows a light rosy color in the crease, two purple tones for the lid and a touch of gold. Had to pop my eyes with my new eyeglasses.

I was unable to take a shot of the footwear but they were cute sandals and of course I was sporting my fave wig Victoria By JR = Jon Renau. I think I’d like to grow my hair out to a bob. Since they look the best on me. Oh P.S. I am now at 177lbs and feel awesome.

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Over & Out