So You’re An Ass

I honestly don’t know what to put but I thought that would suit the post. Any who last night was not a great night but sometimes they happen when you have trichotillomania sometimes you have minor set backs but I can’t count it as a major set back because there is not spots of hair missing. There is no visible damage and to me that is better then having some. I did not need to panic as I normally would and was able to stop my self before damage could be done. This time 20 hairs probably left my scalp. Am I feeling crappy about it no is it a shitty feeling of course but as I said no major damage has been done I’m not left with a bald patch.

Typically in the past there would be so much damage done that I would have to remove all hair from my head (shave it) because I would be worried that I would pull it all out. Thankfully I am managing it a lot better. What i need to do is just wear my turban cap as soon as I come to my room to watch tv or use my laptop so I am not temped to start playing with my hair. Because normally playing with it leads to twisting it which then leads to tugging on it and then well you get what I’m saying.

Also the thoughts that run through my head now after whatever is stressing me out or turning in my head is this. You don’t want to have to shave your head do ya? You will be bald if you keep doing this so stop it!. You want long hair that is the goal right! ? You want to be able to put it up in a ponytail next summer right? So the thoughts that invade and take over are those which I think are way better then (it feels great to pull you feel better to pull). Tho it does feel good to pull the after effects are not all that great and your left looking ugly as all shit. I’m sorry to say but its true when you have left damage and bald spots and the only person you can blame for your self inflicted hair loss is your self. It sucks like why did I have to have this thing that causes me to pull.

But there are ways around it. Now I’m not sure there is even anything that cures trich if there was I would take it in a heart beat but so far my method is working in the sense of me being able to grow my hair out. It is also a goal of mine to grow it long. I want to grow it as long as I possibly can at least past my boob yup I want hair that is in the middle of my back long. With pretty layers and side swept bangs. I want long luscious hair. Like those gorgeous long wigs that everyone loves from Jon Reneu or Noriko or Amore. You know the ones I’m talking about haha.

Ever since I was little I loved long hair. I think its just super feminine. When I watch The Victoria Secret ads on tv or watch their Runway show over the Holidays I just love their long flowy hair. Sure most of it is not as thick and you can bet their ass they are wearing hair extensions to some degree but you get what I’m saying. Sure some people like short hair and all that but I don’t like me with short hair maybe its a trans thing I dunno. But it’s always been I guess a little obsession of mine that I like on my self is long hair. I feel pretty with long hair whether its my hair or a wig. With short hair I don’t feel pretty, I don’t feel sexy I feel plain and a tad boring. Sorry to all the women with short hair out there. You can rock it I don’t feel I can.

Any who I went off topic sorta with that one but any way no real damage has been done. And no real set back is happening I just needed to get that off my chest that last night was not a great night. I guess I’m also feeling a little blah lately too. This whole dating thing is pissing me off a tad. I miss my ex boyfriend in the text of a boyfriend. Christmas is coming and whatever any who moving on. Everything will work it’s self out right right lol.

This is how long my hair is now

image1 (2)

Over & Out

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