Emotional Basket-case Barbie


That has been me the last few days. Feelings of I’m not ready yet to move out. I have things I want to do still and finish up. Panic set in for a few days. My IBS was acting out because of getting stressed out. The funny thing with rent-geared-to-income housing. Is that they will call you when ever. You might be ready and you might not be. And you tend to wait a very long time because the wait list is so long.

Heck I have been so stressed out the last few days and I have not even seen the place yet. Though I have a feeling that I will in fact like the apartment itself. I think really it comes down to it will just be me my self and Diva. Thankfully I can face time with my parents or anyone for that matter if I feel that lonely. Of course it will take a little while to adjust to everything. But the past few days I’ve googled stores and bus stops and dog friendly parks. I’ve also tried to google the history on the building but have come up almost short and what little stories I found were not the greatest but they were old stories which is good.

Having my own place and decorating it will of course be amazing. A place that is all mine. I’m lucky that I will have Diva with me so I wont get to lonely. And I already know I wont have tv but I will have internet because you can do everything on it. Such as watching tv or Netflix. And I have a dvd player for movies and if I get a cable to hook up to my iPad I can then throw it up to my tv so that is good as well. I’m not to worried about that stuff just the having to pack crap and move.

Hopefully whatever neighbours I get will be good people. And there aren’t to many weird people in the building one can hope right lol. I mean not weirder then me haha. Its gonna be a huge adjustment that is for sure. I think I’m done freaking out and crying about it. I know I need to have this and be independent It’s just a little scary you know what I mean?.

Anyways so that is what has been going on in my head. Have not felt like blogging much to be honest. I’m thankful that this time around I get to bring one of my parents so they can see a place and ask better questions than I can about the apartment and what not. Of course I have a list of questions as well a what I need to buy list for the apartment. Things I don’t have but will need.

It’s all very exciting and nerve-racking all at the same time. I know things will workout in the end.

Yip Yip Yippy

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Moving On Up

As most of my readers know as well friends I’ve been on a housing waiting list it’s for rent subsidies for people who are on government assistance. This waiting list can take a very long time and you only get 3 offers. As a single person you have two options either a bachelor apartment or a one bedroom.

When you get called for your offers they set up a time and place of the apartment and you go and see it. But with the offers they call you when your next in line on any number of apartment lists. When you go to be on a waiting list they send you papers with areas of the city and you pick different locations on where you would like to live. The last time they sent me the papers I picked more places than just down town. So I would have a better chance in getting something.

I want to point out though when you say no to one of your offers your next offer is not right around the corner my last offer was two years ago. In total I have been waiting 7 years. Yup you got that right 7 years is a long ass time. Also some apartments they don’t have everything included with the rent like hydro or water. The first offer that was given to me I turned down because it was not for me. And hydro was extra. It was also a tiny bachelor apartment with one closet that had a hot water tank in it.

And though at times I wish I took it, everything happens for a reason and if I had taken it I may not of met my boyfriend and love of my life. But I think I would have gone stir crazy which would not have been good.

Now my second offer was offered to me today. A lady called me and asked if I would like to check out an apartment. The area is not ideal but it is close to the dentist I go to as well my family doctor and my hair stylist. There is also my fave drug store and it just so happens my family doctor is connected to it. As well some shopping places.

It’s a one bedroom apartment on the 15th floor, pets are allowed, the heat, hydro and water is all included and the rent is $139 a month. Of course I’ll have to get renters insurance. But that is not to much. The only thing I will have to pay for is my rent my phone which I already do now anyways and cable or internet. Oh and food and dog food. And pay for laundry.

The good thing too is I have acquired things over the years that could fill an apartment. I have a full bathroom set two really lol. I have a love seat, area rug, my high heel shoe chair, Bedroom set, Tv and stand, dvd player, Some kitchen items, Though I need some pots and dish ware and maybe a few lamps LOL. But that is things that you easily get.

My father is coming with me next week to see it. As I have been saying to my parents and friends the next apartment I have an offer for as long as it’s not crawling with bugs I’m taking it and to be honest a one bedroom even if it is a small apartment a one bedroom would be ideal for me. Because there is some room maybe not much but there is some.

So I’m ready for this next chapter in my life. I also know I need this to be a fully independent adult. And I’m ready to have my own place and paint it how I want it and set it up the way I want it. I’m nervous but excited all at the same time. I will take photo’s of the apartment next week so I can share with all of you sorta like a before and then when I take it the after.

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Not Just A Beauty Blogger

When I first joined WordPress over what 6 years ago now, I came here to just get my feelings out. My old blog was called The Life Of Lana and it was about my life as a trans person. I had also reviewed the odd wig and make-up. But it was getting tired.

I wanted a change and so I deleted my old blog along with the name. I tried to do a few different changes and till going with my new blog name and design which I did all my self. Though the pink diamond background I did get from Google images.

I really came into my own and of course there are many things to me yes I’m a trans woman but I’m much more than that. There are many things I love such as writing but buying beauty products and doing reviews on them is one of the things I love doing. As well baking and shopping and home decor. My dog is very important to me so she is on here too under the category Diva.

I also suffer from TTM Trichotillomaina so I have blogs about it and my struggles with that. I also write about relationships and how they change all the time. I blog about my current relationship as well friendships and all of the wonders of those.

So though I seem to get more hits when reviewing a beauty product which is cool but I’m more than just a beauty blogger. I don’t have a Facebook page nore a Twitter account or even Instagram. I do have Facebook but it’s under my name not a blog title.

I think it’s great if people want to get noticed and have 1000s of followers and all that stuff. But believe it or not I do this for my own enjoyment I just so happen to have it published. When I first started this newest blog I had it private in the sense where people could not look for it by going to google and if the link was not published then you could not find it. But then I thought well how am I to help anyone if nobody can find it and so now you can.

I also joined up with Brand Backer and did a few beauty reviews for some of those brands. I was sent some cool products to do reviews on. And that was very exciting to do. But at the end of the day I write for my own personal enjoyment. If nobody read my blog I would still write because I find I can get more out of my head then writing with a pen and paper and I can express my self a little better than with speaking even though I can talk a lot I just like putting it down.

So that is pretty much it I am more than a beauty blogger. And if you enjoy my blog awesome. If you follow me that is also awesome. But I also don’t follow everyone who follows me. I get un interested quickly I’m just odd like that or my list is to full of people and I would have no life if I did lol.

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Ive Been Nominated for a Liebster Award

I’ve been nominated by Harrient’s Beauty Blog  A liebster Award is an award that other bloggers give out to those who are newer to the blogging world and who have less than 200 followers. Though I am not new at all to blogging and in fact had a blog for four years I had ended my old blog to start this one. Though I did not have the followers then.

I’m pretty amazed that anyone cares enough to follow my little blog but I enjoy writing. And even though I take photo’s with my iPhone and now iPad and I don’t have anything to fancy. I have fun doing what I do. And at the end of the day that is all that really matters right? Have fun doing what you do. And if I can help someone in my path of writing and sharing personal experiences or things  I have bought and reviewed then that is even better.

On Harriet’s Beauty Blog page of all the Nominations she has some questions that I will give my reply’s too.

My Questions:

1. Your best beauty trick? It would have to be using a beauty sponge such as the Beauty Blender or Sephora’s Perfectionist make-up sponge. For a flawless air brush foundation application.

2. You can only shop at one shop for the rest of your life, what shop is it? This is tricky if it’s for make-up then Sephora, If it’s for clothing LTS.

3. Your dream job? Working with wigs I suppose.

4. If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Even though I hate Canadian winters. I would have to say where I’m living which is Canada’s Capital Ottawa, Ontario.

5. You’re favourite thing to do after a long day at school or work? Spend time with my dog.

6. Hair up or down? Down

7. Favourite fashion trend at the moment? I follow my own path. Treads come and go so quick.

8. Heels or flats? Flats their more comfy.

9. Where would you like to see yourself in 5 years time? Engaged or Married living with my man.

10. Winter holidays or summer? Summer for sure lol

11. Sweet or Savoury? Savoury.

Thanks to Harriet for nominating me.

SEPHORA COLLECTION The Perfectionist Makeup Sponge Review

While I was at my local Sephora on the weekend I needed a new Beauty Blender but they were all out of the big pink ones and only had the small minis in green. So I decided to take a chance with their own sponge. They were also out of their version of the Beauty Blender Cleanser which I was kind of annoyed about because I like it better then BBs version only because you get more for less. Though I do have to say their sponge sells at just $15 bucks which is a great deal. But I could not find it on their site to link to it sorry everyone.  😦

I also had to ask when is a good time to throw away the sponge. Since there is no information anywhere on when to do this. The girl told me max four months. And I held on to mine and till the bottom of the sponge had a crack in it. And I had been using it since like sometime last year maybe even last summer which is way over the throw out date lol.

Moving on here is a little info of their sponge taken from their site. I guess from the question page but whatever.



The packaging

imageThe sponge on the left is not wet. On the right I have run it under water and it really did expand like I mean a lot lol. The different angles on it is so you can use it in different parts of the face and all that just like the Beauty Blender does.

image image

Over all I think it’s great. It applied my makeup perfect I really don’t see a huge difference between their version and the Beauty Blender. In fact this one seemed to of washed better when I was done doing my foundation. I will say tho that their version was almost sold out in the store. There was maybe like 6 left. They were sold out of the big pink Beauty Blenders they had no more of their version of the cleanser in stock at all. And maybe like 20 of the BB cleanser on the shelf.

So you know that they are hot sellers. And if your ever out of either of them if in store buy some lol. As for the way my makup turned out I’ll through a pic in here.



I used the sponge yesterday in my liquid foundation and just like the Beauty Blender it gave me the air brush effect which I just love. I honestly can’t stand a brush and brushes leave lines in my makeup. With the sponge I don’t have marks left over after using it. Gives me the best after finish. So I would say the next time your out at a Sephora and your thinking of trying their version out I say go for it plus you save a little money and who does not like saving some cash.  🙂

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Hair Update

So I thought I would post a new photo of a hair growth update. It has not even been a full month since I got my hair trimmed up. And I sware to you it’s grown at least a half inch. I wash my hair every two days I don’t go longer than that if I do it’s just yucky lol and I blow dry it about the same. I still use Redkin antie-snap leave in treatment. I love that stuff and I’m still using my Sulfate free shampoo and conditioner. My hair is still very shiny and healthy even tho I had it colored.


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A Busy Morning

So this morning my boyfriend came with me to my favorite mall downtown. I had to go to a few stores for a few reasons. The first store we went to was a jewelry store called People’s. I had to get my finger resized. Turns out I’m between a 7.5 to a full on 7. I even fit the store size ring that the lady showed us which was a 7. So that was pretty cool but also makes sense since Iv lost so much weight.

Then we went to one of my other favorite stores which was Old Navy I wanted to try on two different sizes of jeans. Even though I can’t buy any jeans in store it’s so I know what size to buy online. I wish they carried tall in store but oh well. You should have seen me trying on the different lengths it was funny. I tried on two different sizes a 6 and a 4 in a few different rinses. The funny thing is some were short for like petite some were regular and some were long. But no tall. I was just looking for sizes not so much the length. Anyways it was funny I should have take photos than tags it as Tall Girl Problem haha ah well next time for sure :).

The sizes 6 were good fits but I know I’ll be more active in the summer so If I get a size 6 I’ll wish I got size 4s. So I tried on the 4s all of them fit perfectly and because they all have a little stretch in them there is some wiggle room but not much. I of course bought non of them because again all to short in the leg but at least I know what to order when I go to buy new jeans online.

Then went to Sephora I really needed more beauty blender cleanser as well a new beauty blender. And I wanted to get my skin tested. So we get there and they are sold out of the Beauty Blender Sponges except they had the small green minis. So I went with Sephora’s own brand which is like cheaper to like way cheaper at around $15 instead of $25. They were also sold out of their own version of the cleanser so I had to suck it up and by the Beauty Blender one which to be honest is good but you don’t get as much as you do with Sephora’s brand. I will be doing a full review of Sephora’s The Perfectionist Makeup Sponge which is just their version of the Beauty Blender.


They also have this new tool there that will check your skin tone and match you with a bunch of different brands which I think is super cool. Its called Color IQ its amazing what technology can do these days. And then you can have the code emailed to you with the different brands. So it makes shopping for foundation less of a headache. I think its amazing. I did not buy any foundation but at least I know now for when I go to buy some.


So that was what we did today. We also went to a movie/video store for him and then left the mall. It was a busy morning lol. So now that we know what size my finger is, the lady wrote on the card what it was and gave it to him. So tomorrow he will go to a different jewelry store tomorrow and pick the ring out. He knows what styles I like so that is pretty cool. The ring I gave him I’m hoping next month we can go and get the rings engraved to have his name on mine on the inside and mine on his as well the date we became a couple.

Any who that was my Morning, hope everyone is having a good day.

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Well Then

Sorry that is all I have for a title today any who. So now that I have finished writing my little book now the fun part is to edit it or re write some chapters. Yesterday was not a great day. Trying to find a spell check program to do what I wanted it to do. There is like nothing useful on apple apps. Trust me I’ve looked and found nothing of usefulness lol yup just made that word up anyways. I don’t think I want to make writing books a full-time job at the moment. Way to much information out there and who knows whats for real and whats not. So far the little bit that I have come across everyone has their own opinion on whats what.

I like simple things. With simple learning because that is what my brain can handle the less stress there is the better for me. So ya I’ll edit my book and all that jazz and some how put together a book cover of some sort a diy project most likely heck there are sites out there that you can use. But as far as anything complicated where tons of money is involved forget that.

Moving on

So next month which Is February the day after Valentines day will be 1 year my boyfriend and I have been together. It’s like a huge mile stone I think. Lots have happened this past year that we have been together. His grandfather passed away. We hit a few bumps in our relationship but managed to work those bumps out. I’ve been losing weight all through the relationship. I’ve grown out my hair. We spent time together through the holidays as well New Years. We went to hear an orchestra play Mozart. I met his family including brother and sister and of course both parents. They really like me. I’m extremely happy that we have found each other and am looking forward in what the future has in store for the both of us as a couple.

I’m excited to go to the second family reunion were doing in August. It just sucks that my cousin Courtney wont be there though I know she will be in spirit. It sucks that cancer took her from us. Would be nice to of spent more time with her.

My goal last year was to grow my hair out for this family reunion and to just grow it out period. Well I’ve reached part of my goal I have grown it out my bangs are below my eye brows and the rest of my hair is growing out nicely. And I’m sure by August my hair will be down to my shoulders no doubt. I mean it’s not even a full month since my last trim and my hair has grown so much. Even though I had a few slips from trich showing its ugly face I did not give in much nor did I give in to the temptation of shaving my head. I’m so glad I did not go through with that.

Also come Feb it will be a year that I’ve been growing my hair out. Also this August it will be two years that I have been cigarette free. Which is amazing in its self. I don’t even think about smoking anymore. And in fact if I do smell it like if I’m out and someone is smoking and the smell comes to me it makes me physically sick. I’m just so proud of my self for finally kicking that habit. I mean don’t get me wrong it took me a handful of times to do it but it finally stuck thankfully.

So my new goal this year for my self is to learn more in whatever. Does not matter in what. Finish reading some of the books I have in my iBook shelf lol. Get some new clothing for my new body. My goal is to donate whatever clothing I can’t get rid of through friends lol. I don’t have many tall friends so to get rid of the bigger sizes to my shorter friends does not work so well. I have a friend coming today who’s interested in some of my things. Whatever they don’t take I will pack up and donate. I also want to re organize my closet and just do some spring cleaning I hate clutter.

Oh ya I’m also paying off my credit cards. And I need to finish laser hair removal I think I need about two more treatments on my face than from there I will go to electrolysis to get rid of the light hair. Hair removal is such a long process and so annoying. But If I can finish laser off in the winter then its better cause then in the summer you can go with out makeup. Though I tend to go without makeup anyways some days. Just to give my face a break. I mean I only wear makeup when I go out anyways but some days it’s a no foundation day haha. Okay I think I have written the longest blog post ever. I’ll shut up now and let ya all go.

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