My nightmare 

So I had a bad dream last night so bad it freaked me silly. It might have been because I was reading yesterday about a medication that could help with TTM that stands for trichotillomaina which is a hair pulling disorder. I had posted an article  years ago on Facebook. Now Facebook likes to give us memories to look back onto and that was one of the posts. Any who the dream was that I pulled out so much hair I was left with a bald spot that was so big I had to wear wigs everyday again. I like having the option now to wear a wig if I want to change it up not because I have too.

So you can see why the dream was a nightmare. Honestly though at times my hair pisses me off and I’m sick of being dark brown as in colour. I’m proud of my self for having my hair as long as it is since its been years that it’s been this long. I have had moments but I’ve worked through them and have stuck to not shaving my head as a quick way to stop the urge.

My solution was to shave every time I pulled so I was not tempted to make It worse and to let the area and everything around it grow evenly. My clippers need sharpening and the last few times I had shaved my head I had scratched my back hair-line up. So I thought well I’ll stop shaving my head and just let my hair grow. But last nights dream sure scared the shit out of me because I’ve worked so hard growing my hair out.

I’ve also gone through stressful situations and in the past my hair would be the first thing to get destroyed. I can’t say for sure that I have beat TTM but I do think I’m getting a better handle on it and hope to reach my goal of having my hair down the middle of my back. One can only hope that I will reach it sooner than later.

Over & Out


Full Force

There back again

full force throttle

filled with emotion


We stopped half way

we lost touch and parted our ways

but our hearts have always been

in touch


My bodily fluids bubble

my pulse speeds triple fast

my heart skips a few beats


I’m even more in love with you

my face hurts

from laughing so much

you make me smile


full force


my feelings are deep

your voice I can’t get enough

hours pass by

though it feels like 20 minutes


your warmth makes me feel protected

i’m so glad I found my way

back into your arms

I’m so deeply intertwined

don’t ever let me go


Full Force


Lana Poulson

The 5 Biggest Myths About Metabolism

Artical from

Health by Jeremey DuVall on 11/7/2013


A source of confusion for some and a scapegoat for extra weight around the midsection for others, metabolism has long been a topic of hot conversation. Without it, we would lack the energy to get out of bed in the morning, let alone burn calories all day long. However, even with its numerous benefits, metabolism often gets the brunt of the blame with weight gain. With all of the fad diets and special tricks meant to speed up one’s metabolism (hot sauce anyone?), the facts often get blurred with fiction. To help clear up the confusion, we uncovered the truth behind the top five metabolism myths.

Myth #1: Skinnier individuals have a higher metabolism.

Some thinner folks appear to eat whatever they want with seemingly no consequence. Surely, they have a faster metabolism than the average Joe, right? Not so fast. Metabolism actually has quite a bit to do with body size, but not in the way many think. According to Dr. Yo

ni Freedhoff, Assistant Professor at the University of Ottawa, “Skinny individuals almost invariably have slower resting metabolisms; there is literally less of them to burn while at rest.” As a result, larger individuals usually have a higher metabolism (that is they burn more calories at rest) than their thinner counterparts.

But don’t rejoice just yet. It’s not just any additional weight that boosts metabolism. Muscle, in particular, has a huge effect on the amount of overall calories someone burns throughout the day. Comparing two individuals of similar weight, the person with the larger amount of muscle will generally have the faster metabolism. This is just one of the reasons it’s important to pair any weight loss program with a proper strength training plan. Research has found the extra muscle can help accelerate weight loss much faster than a diet-only plan.

Truth: While body size does factor in, body composition has a far greater effect on metabolism.

Myth #2: Skipping a meal slows down your metabolism.

Anyone looking to drop a few pounds better be grazing on frequent meals and snacks throughout the day right? Turns out the old notion of eating a meal every three to four hours to ramp up one’s metabolism wasn’t exactly perfect advice. In fact, how frequently someone eats has little to do with the speed of their metabolism. Dr. Freedhoff explains, “Eating every four hours is popular because eating frequently, for many, helps them to keep a lid on both stomach hunger as well as cravings.” That, in turn, allows for better portion and choice control, Freedhoff says.

Certain individuals (those prone to cravings or with special dietary needs) may benefit from consuming multiple meals through the day. However, for the rest of us, the most important factors to consider are the quantity and quality of the food we consume. Whether you eat 2,000 calories of rice in one sitting or spread it out throughout the day, it still has a similar effect, Freedhoff says. Instead, it might be best to focus on eating quality food in a timeframe that fits your individual schedule.

Truth: Quality and quantity of foods have greater bearing on metabolism than how often you eat.

Myth #3: Everything eaten late-night turns to fat.

“Avoid eating late at night” is one of the most popular pieces of nutrition advice on the planet. While it may be easy to think our bodies have an internal clock set to store anything eaten after 8 p.m. as fat, it’s not quite so simple. Many aspects including various hormones, food quality, food content and energy expenditure influence how our bodies store fuel. Unfortunately, simply refraining from eating late at night isn’t enough to prevent fat storage.

Instead of focusing on time of consumption, more attention should be placed on what and how much we’re eating. In fact, having a meal late at night isn’t any worse than eating at any other point during the day provided the meal consists of healthy foods (and not a bucket of ice cream). Dr. Freedhoff likens this scenario to fueling up a car. “The time of day you fill your car with gas isn’t going to impact how far you’ll go on that tank,” he says. Provided you’re eating high-quality food in the right portions, most individuals won’t notice a difference between eating at night versus earlier in the day.

Truth: If you’re taking in the right types of calories, eating later at night shouldn’t derail your diet.

Myth #4: Metabolism is all about burning calories and breaking things down.

Many understand metabolism as how quickly someone burns calories. But while breaking things down is certainly an important part of metabolism, there are actually two main components. Catabolism, or the breaking down of chemical bonds to release energy, is the most well known part of the process as it releases energy in the form of calories. However, what’s just as essential is anabolism, the storage of energy in the form of chemical bonds for later use, including carbohydrates and fats. A properly functioning metabolism is a delicate balance of both functions.

Truth: Metabolism consists of both breaking things down and building things up; both are vital to our health.

Myth #5: You have no control over your metabolism.

When faced with unwanted weight, it’s easy to place the blame on your metabolism. However, it turns out that individuals have more control over their metabolism than previously thought. As mentioned above, body composition has a huge effect on how quickly someone’s body burns calories. One easy way to ramp up your metabolism is to build muscle through lifting weights. Alongside modifying your workout routine, there are several other ways to be sure you’re burning calories at a higher rate:

Sleep more. The amount of rest you get each night doesn’t only affect your mood and productivity the next day. Researchers have found that it also affects your metabolism. Sleep-deprived individuals have a decreased ability to manage blood sugar levels and also may find themselves hungrier (particularly for high carbohydrate foods). So, sleep more for a healthier metabolism. (Win, win!)
Gulp down some water. Ditch the sugary soft drinks. Researchers have found that consuming water may have a positive impact on how many calories you burn throughout the day. This is due to a process called thermogenesis wherein the body must burn calories to warm the water up to body temperature. Hydrating with water also saves calories over alternative beverages and plays a key role in helping to regulate whole-body metabolism (especially during exercise).
Don’t forget caffeine. Coffee lovers rejoice! It turns out that cup of java may give you more than just an energy boost midday. When researchers gave subjects coffee and then measured their caloric burn, they found that the caffeinated individuals burned more calories than their decaf-ordering counterparts.
Get enough protein. Dietary decisions (especially protein intake) have a profound impact on metabolism. Researchers examining the effect of dietary compositions on caloric burn have found that those taking in adequate levels of protein have a higher energy expenditure at rest.
Truth: Simple dietary modifications and exercise habits can make a big difference in how fast someone burns calories at rest.


So yesterday I went and played some bowling. It was my first time to ever play with the big balls LMAO. I knew Ottawa had them but had never been to one. The last time I played was using the small balls.

My right hand and arm is a little sore today but other wise its fine. I’m using new muscles I’ve never used before so of course it will be sore. The first game my man beat me but the second and third game I kicked his ass. though because he had hurt his back at work playing three games was probably not the smartest thing to do since those balls are like 5 pounds or more.

Though I did have a great time and beating his butt was also fun as well LOL. I seem to be good at bowling not to toot my own horn or anything haha. But thankfully it had a/c because it was hella hot outside yesterday right now we are having a heat wave yesterday was 38 and the rest of the week is to be hot. His car also has a/c so that was good too.

I enjoy bowling. Id like to get a group together to bowl because I don’t go as often as id like to. Has anyone gone bowling and used the big balls?. I’ve only seen the big bowling balls in movies in the States. So I was very happy to play with them yesterday.

Over & Out

Apartment life

So I have not had any other bad situations happen to me thus far since the last  time which I am thankful for. Though I am still going to go through with the transfer and hopefully things will workout with all of that. This week is going to be super warm. Last night was pretty warm to sleep but I had my huge fan in the livingroom going and the one in my bedroom so it kept the air moving and I slept great.

Saturday Diva went to the vet to get updated shots. It was a combo deal if you brought three dogs so my parents picked us up and we brought all three dogs. My parents two and mine. I also brought up divas fur loss and this vet recommended some kind of medication that helps humans sleep. But for some reason helps dogs grow their fur back its called Melatonin. But a low dose of it. So I plan to pick some of that up and try that out its worth a shot.

Diva was not feeling well yesterday and skipped out on eating her food but this morning I had to wake early and when we got back from our morning walk she ate a little food so that’s good. My garden is doing well and I had my first flower of the wild flowers I planted bloom.

And yes those are carrot tops you see, some how they are growing in with the wild flowers lol. But whatever my plants are growing and that’s all that matters to me. I have to do some weeding this week because grass is growing and what not but other wise I’m happy with what’s there. Also last week I was given a certificate of recognition for dedication and excellence in the community garden which I thought was pretty cool.

I hung out with my friend Dawn Saturday evening she stayed for dinner and enjoyed my cooking. Was nice to just shoot the shit and hang out. And that’s pretty much it. Oh also I’ve decided to start wearing my wigs and so it’s cool because it’s not that hot to wear like I thought it might be. I think it also helps that I’m no longer dealing with major hot flashes as I once was. And it’s cool to have perfect blonde hair but at night before bed or whatever I remove my hair and I’ve got a full head of dark hair underneath lol. And to keep the wig from slipping on my forehead I use super tape for wigs.

It also helps wearing a wig too because the days you don’t wash your hair nobody can tell because your wig is hiding your hair lol. I’ve decided to stay blonde and till the summer ends lol. Then when summer ends go back to my natural hair or darker coloured wigs lol. So yeah.

That’s the latest of Apartment life

Over & Out




First let me start off saying that this is my view and mine alone. As a transsexual female when finding a partner I look at many qualities some are superficial as in looks and some are qualities that I’m looking for tho that being said I’m sure everyone is like that. That being said one of the most top on the list qualities is that I’m accepted as the person I am. I think everyone at some point is looking for the perfect person for them and that includes their friends and family, it helps when they accept you for who you are.

The guy I was dating in June, looking back at that whole situation and how it went down I believe could have turned out better than it did. The way he told his mother could have been done differently and if it was done differently my over reacting could have not of gone the way it did if I had known a heads up. But the simple fact of him telling her and her accepting me after the fact is what it comes down to and not just his mother but his family that I had met that day.

As a trans person we want to be accepted for who we are. His family their amazing people and they just want him to be happy. And if it’s a trans woman then there happy for him.  I do quickly over react sometimes and sometimes it’s my way or the highway. And I make quick decisions when I panic and I change my mind very quickly on things, it might be part of my learning disabilities and just how I have always been.

It’s very hard dating and being trans because not everyone will accept you for who you are and that also goes for the men. I’m going to keep this very real but most of the guys I have spoken with over the years and most recently just want to fuck. Nothing more nothing less. They don’t want to date they just want to keep it hush hush, or keep it as a secret or use you as the fantasy they see in porn. As for being open about it or even date publicly it’s not something that happens a lot. Though more people are being less concerned with Society and how others view them or see them it’s still not that common.

There is a small handful of men that are willing to date you and see you as the beautiful creature that you are. And I say beautiful creature because we are beautiful in all forms. That being said I had a nice surprise and had a lovely phone conversation with the guy I was seeing in June. We got some things cleared up and I’m thankful that we have reconnected once again. Going forward I’m going to do a few things differently keeping relationship type things a little more private and not putting all my dirty laundry online. But getting back to this post acceptance is what we all want and if someone is willing to accept you and their friends are accepting of you and their family. Life does not get really any better than that. Nobody is perfect but people have qualities that everyone is looking for and who wants to date someone who is the same as your self. People are different and it’s good to be different.

Be thankful if you are truly accepted at the end of the day that’s what we all want.

Be well

Over & Out



So this is just an update on this product I don’t think it lives up to its full potential. Maybe in less humid weather but personally I don’t think it tames the frizz all that much. And it sure as hell does not define my curls. In fact I say don’t waste your money on this or maybe it works on longer hair better. All I do know is it’s not a fan of my hair and my hair just wants to frizz. At this moment I’m sorta mad at my hair and have given up on caring what it does and does not want to do. I have used this product two different ways I’ve used it on damp hair as well sorta wet as well dry. Even in my review of the product my hair is not frizz free.

I think I’ll have less of a problem when the summer is over here is hoping anyways and till then I’ll either accept the frizz or wear a wig if I want more of a polished hair look or use my Amore topper which works like a charm. The joys of hair when it’s on your head.

Over & Out