Happy New Year 2016


Another year coming to a close and a new year just around the corner. I don’t believe in resolutions because you normally set your self up for disappointment and end up failing at what ever you set up for your self. However I do have hopes and dreams and goals that I try to reach.

This year has really been an eye opener for me as well as a huge growing experience as a person. I’ve learned not to get walked on by bullies. Standing up for my self and taking a stand. I’ve also learned I’m also quite fragile at times but have also learned I need to not panic as quickly and take a stand for my home. Oh yea moving out onto my own was a huge learning experience and that it’s quite different when living alone with no roommate or family member just you and your dog. And that at some point I can see owning a bigger pooch.

I also know one does not need to go over board with working out. I went from working out 7 days a week to taking two months off from my normal workout to just working out 2 days a week and daily walking with Diva. I went from reaching a goal weight to dropping below that. To gaining a little bit more weight but feel good and look healthy where I’m currently at.

I went from having brown hair to blonde and I still have all my hair lol. I also added another tattoo to my body and it’s been 10 years since I got my first tattoo. And I’ll be getting a custom piece done in the new year which I’m super excited about. More on that in another post in the new year. I’ve also learned that writing about crappy dating stories I don’t really enjoy writing about. And from now on will write about more happy times then always the same shit. Cause it gets really annoying to write about. I’ve also learned that if it’s meant to be it will be. And that being single is not all that bad. I would like it tho if guys could not be so intimidated by my height in real life. Sadly I don’t think that will change not any time soon anyways.

My new goals and hopes for 2016 would be to get some part-time work to start. I’d be open to dating someone tall for sure. And someone who meets the qualities I’m looking for. Finish off electrolysis that would be nice. Finally pay off that one credit card I have and get rid of it. Health and happiness for my family and friends and my pooch and my parents pooches. And more fun experiences for my self and good health.

I wish everyone a safe and Happy New Year


YouTube Haters

Twice now I’ve had some hate comments on two of my videos. Just yesterday I saw a hate comment on one of my videos, I get sent emails when people leave comments. I went over to possibly leave a polite response saying “That’s your opinion” or just delete it but when I went to view it it was gone. I had one on another video and at first I spoke back but then removed my comment because what’s the point.

I remember my friend Marey told me about some nut job who made cartoon videos of not just me but her as well some other YouTube ladies, it’s was totally messed up that this person would spend any amount of time poking fun and being stupid to make up a video of cartoon characters. I had tried to report some of them to YouTube to have them taken down but I do t think it worked and in all honesty people who watch them or make them or leave hate comments are just sad pathetic people who need help and there not happy and so they want to bring others down with them.

But you know full well they can hide behind their computer screens or smart phones or tablets but they would never have the balls to say shit in front of your face. Because honestly if they did I’d punch them the fuck out. Though I don’t contend violence I will stick up for my self and if they throw the first punch well this bitch will go bat shit crazy on your ass lmao but seriously I will.

Negative comments though nobody likes them sorta comes with being online. People will say things because they have nothing else better to do. As Taylor Swifts one song is  titled “Shake It Off” just shake it off. I know sometimes easier said then done but sometimes you just have too.

Over & Out

Ditching FWB’S & Casual Sex


I had spoken about getting a replacement for the one that I had because I was not overly getting my needs met from this person you can read about that here. Anyways I’ve come to the conclusion that I want more for my self and that my plan is to go without sex and till I meet someone who deserves my body. This is not the first time I have done this. In fact I went possibly 2 years with out because I wanted a relationship and why sleep with someone just for the hell of it and still be alone and single when they leave when I can not wear makeup or shave my legs and still do a perfectly good job getting my self off.

Hell that’s kind of what I’ve been doing the last two times I was with my fwb, he got off and I had to manually do it, oh yeah FYI he asked if I wanted to you know hang out again and I was like why so you can get off again and I’m left to my self. He’s like ” I don’t know what gets you off” seriously  buddy ?. Anyways back to the post at hand I’m holding out for a relationship and to fuck with these people. I’d rather go without then deal with these people. In the mean time I’ll just focus on my friendships and the go with the flow attitude, if I meet someone great if not it’s not the end of my world.

Over & Out

Online Dating Is A Joke!


Why I’m still doing it is beyond me seriously. And guys wonder why girls are so bitter?! Well people it’s because guys are so fucking stupid. I re wrote my Okcupid profile to be short and sweet the less the better but with still having everything in it that I want to get across. What slays me the guys who think just because you have looking for long-term that some how you’re looking to still hook up for booty. Or that it’s okay for them to ask you if your tits are real or fake. It’s like you don’t even know me and the first question you ask a girl is “So are they real” why is this any of your business? Do you want a pair?. I’ve also had guys ask if I could be their first, you know experience. Tho that was over on Badoo I’ve since left that app again.

But Okcupid should be renamed Okstupid because there are so many of them on that site. I’ve decided to quickly shoot down anyone whom I’m just not into. Guys in the states stop messaging me, short guys under 6’0 just don’t bother your wasting your time, same thing goes for the unfitness guys. Talk to me when you look good, this might seem shallow to some but knowing full well nobody really gave me a shot when I was fat. The same rule applies to the others. And trust me there is nothing sexy about a heavy person this is just my personal opinion. I have tried to date heavyweight people in the past but it did nothing for me it was not a turn on and that’s where I stand on that. And from getting fat I can personally say there was nothing sexy about me.

Anywho now that I’ve lost the weight and I have this body I can definitely say it’s hard to meet other attractive people who want to date, I have a ton of people who want to (get it on). And I keep telling people it’s quality I’m looking for not quantity huge difference. So the dilemma is where are the smart attractive people who want to date at?, where the hell are you hiding?.

As one of my best friends said “It’s just as hard for attractive people as it is for unattractive people” and the funny thing is I believe that to be true. Everyone has problems dating and it’s not more so for one group of people over the other it’s hard period. Also one of my trans friends have said a few times “Oh it’s harder to meet someone because we’re trans” take a look around it’s hard for people period trans has nothing to do with it not anymore. It’s hard for all people not just trans and just because your trans, everyone has a hard time meeting people.

Done rant

2 Christmas Parties in One Weekend

So last weekend of last week I had two of these parties to go too. One on Saturday and one on Sunday. The one on Saturday was held at a hotel and Sundays was held at my brothers work. I knew I was going to curl my hair but I did not want to curl my hair two days in a row. Using all that heat and everything I did not think it would have been good even if I used heat protectant . So I did what any wig wearing gal would do. I rocked a wig on Saturday and then rocked my bio hair on Sunday. I also rocked two different outfits to go with each look. On Saturday I was all lady like and on Sunday I was dressed all professional.

The photo below is a mix pix, also the purple dress is Ralph Lauren that I got the year before. And the hair I’m wearing is Camera Ready by Raquel Welch in shaded Hazelnut. I had to use tape for the lace to lay flat tho I did have to re adjust the wig from time to time in the bathroom because it would some how shift back possibly from me perspiring. Anywho no one else noticed. The shoes I got from LTS they are by Nine West. Super cute shoes but one foot kept slipping out the back so I’m gonna have to get a no slip heel thingy.


All in all I had fun Saturday night. Everyone who knew me also thought I had colored my hair brown so that was also pretty funny. My brothers party which was Sunday’s, I wore black dress pants that white and black wrap top, my earrings were chandelier with black feathers on the bottom it was very much a black white theme going on. And gold sparkly ballet flats so my feet could be comfy. I had done a crap load of dancing the night before so I wanted to give my feet a break since its been about a year and a half since I had been dancing.

It was a fun filled weekend. Sorry for just getting around to writing about it now but you know how it is with the Christmas holidays.



Crazy Drivers This Holiday Season

Why is it crazy drivers are always so nutty over the holidays and even crazy drivers through out the year. There’s no need to rush or speed through red lights. A few days ago I was shopping and crossed the street and people are crazy out there. Now if you’re wondering why I’m writing about such a topic it’s because the evening before Christmas Eve my mother went out to get a few items from the super market she was going just 10k and some fuck tard was going a whole lot faster went through a very red light and t-boned my mothers car.

Both cars were a write off. The other car slammed into the passenger side of my mothers car. Luckily my father was at home and not in the car with her. She suffered bruising as well a broken ankle and had surgery yesterday being Thursday. Two screws a pin or two. Thankfully some Angels were keeping her safe. In Fact there was a hospital nurse in the car behind my mothers and she saw everything that happened and went to my mom and helped her out till the police and paramedics could get on scene.

Thankfully things were not worse. So this holiday season and just in  General don’t rush while driving there’s no need to run a red light or go crazy. If you do you might end up like my mom or worse dead.

Some Random Thoughts

When I was little I felt that living at home with my family was a safe haven and that nothing bad could ever happen to me. I think that’s why I never really wanted to leave home and that they would be around forever almost like a safety blanket. And at times I never wanted to grow older. Then of course you grow up and eventually you move out some move out early and some don’t till there in there 30’s lol (meaning me).  And when bad things happen you just want the safety blanket to cover you and protect you. But that’s not how life really works and you need to grow up and be an independent human.

I had first moved out in 2005 I wanted some independence. I had moved in with my best friends sister at that time. It was my first time having a roommate and being on my own. There were fun times and then not so great times. Money was extremely tight and it was tough. Living with my best friends sister did not last long and I ended up moving back home with my parents.

Move forward ten years and I move into my own apartment the only difference this time is I’m living by my self well Diva and I. Money is still tight but not as tight as it was but it’s still a little difficult. Though I have food in my fridge, dog food for Miss Diva, rent and a roof over my head, and this coming April of 2016 will be a year I’ve been living on my own. Also I haven’t been friends with my best friend from 2005 in quite a number of years.

There have been some not so great experiences I have gone through and a small part of me wanted to move back with my parents. But the simple fact is one can’t aways run back to their safety blanket sometimes you just need to handle things on your own. The mind is a huge powerful tool and when one has a very wild imagination as well suffers from anxiety an ocd one can freak the fuck out easily.

This year alone has really tested my nervous system. But I still have a full head of hair which is pretty amazing in of its self. I’m in really good shape, I’ve become quite the cook and baker. And have done a ton of walking. I probably do the same amount of walking as I did when I was in my teens and 20s.

This year alone I have really accomplished a lot and I think I have grown as a person. But one thing I seem to let happen time and time again that needs to change is the need and want for a relationship. Ultimately I want a relationship with someone who’s not just looking for friends with benefits or something causal. I have just dated someone just because or as a time filler or date someone just because they show interest. I have to stop doing this and just be single. The past few days I’ve put my foot down. For guys I’m not really into I can offer platonic friendship but nothing else.

Also I don’t believe that you can be successful friends with exs not all the time. Sometimes it can work and other times it can’t and you know what it’s totally okay. The world will not end. I’m proud to say that I am still friends with three of my ex’s. The ones I wanted to be friends with its just not working out and that is totally okay. I’ve also realized that it’s perfectly healthy to miss an ex but at the same time they are an ex for a reason and the two paths were just not meant to be.

I’ve also come to realize I really don’t like having a friends with benefits type relationship. I would much rather have no relationship then someone you just get sex on with and then have them leave and your still by your self and alone. I’d rather be alone then share my body with someone who doesn’t fully deserve it. Ever since I can remember I’ve always wanted to find someone who  I loved whole heartedly and they loved me back the same also who would fight for the relationship and we were both sexually and physically attracted to one another. I wanted this when I was little and I want it now as a grown adult. I wanted it before I transitioned but everyone was sex crazed and since transitioning I find that a lot of people are still very much sex crazed. It’s a very lonely feeling when people just want you for one thing and they don’t want you for anything else.

With that being said I’m putting my foot down when it comes to future dating. My idea of dating and the things I look for in another person are high because I’m sick of settling for what I have settled for in the past or just because. As far as I’m concerned I believe all Human beings want more, they want to be loved yes they also want to be fulfilled and they want a 50/50 relationship. Anywho for 2016 I want more for my self and the only one who can make these things happen is me my self and I and there is also nothing wrong with asking for help when needed be.

I think 2016 will be a fun-filled adventure for me and here’s hoping my love life picks up, as well as a job that I will do good in and really start living life. This year has been a huge learning experience and even tho some parts were not that great it’s all been an amazing learning experience. And I’ve come out of it a stronger person. And I’ve done it all with-out taking crazy medications. I’m still a non smoker, I’m fit and I have all my hair.

Bring on 2016 I’m ready for you

Post-Clipping Alopecia

After doing a bunch of reading this morning I have a feeling Miss Diva has post-clipping alopecia. Before she got the lioness cut her fur was big fluffy and gorgeous. The photos below are from April 2014.

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Because she has a tinkling problem she was getting sores on her back legs from the urin and it was hard to wash the fur all the time. But instead of just trimming down her back legs I had the groomer give her a lioness cut aka lion cut even though Divas a girl.

The photo below is from May 24th 2014 lioness cut and all.


Since then her fur has never been the same. Her neck has thinned out a lot, her shoulders as well, her back sides and tail.

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I have been reading in some dogs the fur does grow back and in others it doesn’t. I was reading some info on this ladies website. Here is what she has to say

(Taking your Pomeranian to a groomer may be a risky venture, especially if you haven‘t used that person’s services before. You need to give clear instructions on what you want done and, just as importantly, what you DON’T want done.

Shaving or clipping the coat very short on a double-coated dog like the Pomeranian may cause damage to the hair follicles. Most coats that have been clipped will start growing back almost immediately. However, it’s possible that the clipped hair may never grow back or it could take a very long time to do so. The older your dog gets, the greater the chances are that there won’t be any growth or that it will be very slow growth.

If this happens, your dog will only have his undercoat and that can give him a patchy and scruffy appearance. Shaving or clipping your Pomeranian’s coat very short may alter the coat for the rest of the dog’s life. This problem is usually referred to as post-clipping Alopecia.

Clipping the coat during the resting phase is thought to be a cause of post-clipping Alopecia which may be an advanced indicator of hypothyroidism or other problems associated with your pet’s metabolism.

The coat on a Pomeranian Dog is fur. Humans have fur on our arms and legs and hair on our head. The difference between fur and hair is that fur only grows to a certain length and hair keeps on growing.

Fur goes through a resting period called the “telogen phase” where the hair follicles are dormant. The growing phase is called the “Anagen phase.” In the Pomeranian and other Nordic breeds of dog, it’s believed that this is a short phase. Hair will grow to a predefined length (thanks to the dog’s genes). Then it stops growing and goes into the telogen resting period. The length of the two coat phases can vary according to the amount of stress your dog is experiencing.

It seems pointless to buy a long-coated dog such as a Pomeranian if you’re just going to clip his coat. If you really want to do that, perhaps you should think more about the breed of dog you want, before actually making the purchase. Also consider the amount of overall grooming involved as it’s not something you may want to do. Maybe you would prefer a dog that doesn’t need as much grooming.

Pomeranians have a double layer coat. The undercoat has short, fluffy soft hairs and it acts as an insulation and helps support the much longer outer layer. In other words, the dog stays cool in Summer and warm in Winter.

The stronger, longer guard hairs help to insulate your dog against the heat from the weather and the sun itself. Evolution blessed the Pomeranian breed of dog in this manner. If you clip the coat very short, you eliminate the dog’s natural cooling and heating ability and you cause more harm than good.

There’s a big contrast between dogs and people. Dogs don’t get cool through their skin. Their paw pads sweat and their major cooling method is panting.

Owners also foolishly believe that shaving their dog will stop him shedding. Poms and other double-coat breeds will still shed after they have been shaved.

To sum it all up: Shaving or close clipping any dog with a double coat can severely hinder their ability to keep themselves warm and cool as required. It also helps protect their skin.

The ideal way to make your Pomeranian comfortable and cool is to give him regular baths and brush his coat. Shaving should only be done if the dog’s hair is badly matted.)

I wish I never had the groomer cut her down. If I ever get another mix like Diva again I’ll never have her shaved down. I hope maybe her fur will just grow back. I read that it can take up to three years in some cases. So one can hope hers might. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Melatonin & Miss Diva Update


So my vet had suggested putting Miss Diva on Melatonin for her fur loss. Apparently it can help with her alopecia, well she’s been on it since October 16th and there’s no new fur. Nothing has grown in its place and if anything it has not gotten better. When she scratches at her self like for example when she has an itch a little fur is stuck in her paws.

I was hoping the melatonin would work. But to no available. Though I have read that you can give this medication to dogs who suffer from separation anxiety or fire works or whatever. Which I might do in the future. Because it makes them sleepy well it did at first when I gave it to Diva. Now she’s pretty much normal.

But back to her fur it is not better, there is no new fur, nothing as grown back and so I’m giving up on this stuff as far as her fur is concerned. I did read yesterday that some people washed their dog with dish soap and that the fur grew back but that sounds really strange to me. I think it’s just accepting the fact that she has to wear t-shirts in the summer time and coats and stuff in the winter time. And doggy sun screen. I mean it doesn’t bother her she’s not in pain. It just bothers me. After all she’s my baby.

Anyone ever experience doggy alopecia and if so what did you try?