I’ve had my share of depression over the years and have even blogged about it here. I’m sadden to say that it has infact left its ugly mark on me once again. And I decided to do what anyone should do and ask for help. I called my family doctor and I have an appointment to see him on Monday.
I hope to get onto new medication that won’t make me feel like a zombie unlike the last two I had been in years ago. My highs are high and my lows are low. I have had negative thoughts on my well being more often than not. I put on a smile and say all is grand when deep inside my bright light isn’t all that bright. The reality is I’m depressed and I suffer from depression. On top of that I also suffer from anxiety and that’s just the sad reality.
I wish I wasn’t like this and I wish things were different but they are not. And from what I have read when you have had depression yes it can go away after awhile but it can also return. And I know the signs luckily to know that I need help now before things get worse.
Asking for help is the easiest thing a person can do. When I called my doctors office the receptionist asked what it was regarding and I told her I’d like to see my doctor about going on anti depressants. Her tone quickly became calm and we sent up my appointment.
Ive spoke to my parents and told them what will be taking place so they are aware and luckily for me they are extremely supportive which I am so grateful for. I’m extremely lucky to have a support network and supportive friends.
I’ve also come to the conclusion that I have a shopping addiction when it comes to plastic devil cards called credit cards. After yesterday’s trip to the salon to get my hair extensions put in, not so soon after when I got home the excitement of having them and feeling glamorous the feeling of guilt brushed over me and the “What the fuck did you do” came over. It turns out shopaholics also suffer from depression as well anxiety seems pretty fitting that I basically fit the bill.
There will be a game plan to deal with that credit card. The first is removing it from my possession if it’s not easily accessible then one can’t use it. The next step after that is to make bigger payments and then when larger payments are completed to then call and have them lower the credit and till I can manage it. Also with that after I come back from my Toronto trip is to go and get a part-time job so I can start really lowing the amount.
I still plan on going to College next year and taking my two-year hairstyling program and working towards getting my licence and becoming a fabulous hairstylist.
Tomorrows a new day!