Negative thoughts are easy to think. But positive thoughts are harder to think of. When your someone with a shit ton of issues but don’t want to take medication for them and the only option is to think positively and workout to bring the mood up its harder than some might think.
I’ve spent years in therapy for many different reasons everything from learning to speaking to behaviour and all the above. I’ve been in deep depression before and I suffer from anxiety. I was heavily medicated for a while and till I got sick of feeling like a zombie. By choosing not to be medicated it hasn’t been easy. To wake up everyday and be positive it’s been somewhat difficult but doable.
Diva has helped me immensely. And thank god for her because I don’t know how I would be if she wasn’t here. It’s also come to my attention I have a spending problem with my one and only credit card. And yet some how I’ve been able to hold on to lose change as well not spend every last dime I have in my savings account.
I’ve been collecting lose change from my wallet since last year and yesterday I brought it all to the bank and I had $48 bucks. Pretty cool really, so that went into my savings. I did leave out five dollars in loonies and quarters for the laundry machines. But felt pretty good for being able to save those coins. I’m really not good with having a credit card in my possession. This seems to be very apparent. There’s a reason why I had my mother hold it for me for this very reason. Thankfully I’ll be going to California soon and Toronto and then I’m giving my Mother the card again to hold for me and till its paid up. Because as long as I have it its not safe. It’s to easy to use and when I’m feeling down its easy to swipe. I literally spend like I’m working and then I instantly feel bad after I’ve used it.
And then negative thoughts come into place. I’m sure I’m not alone in how I feel or how I spend my none money. I’m sure this is why people who have spending problems don’t have credit cards. And people who spend when they feel sad or whatever. Money doesn’t make me happy and for the small feeling I get when I buy or spend soon after its replaced with unhappiness and feeling like crap again. Anyways I’ll stop with is post. But yeah feeling positively is header to do.
I know the only person to blame for my spending is me my self & I. Nobody forced me to use the card. I was the only one in charge. I do however blame the credit card companies for giving people credit cards pre approved fully knowing they will get into some kind of debt because spending is so easy to do. Anyways being an adult sometimes totally fucking blows and if you’re a kid stay a kid for as long as possible.
Over & Out