The Number Collectors

Not sure if this post will go into the dating category because I’m not doing any of that right now but it seems to be the time of year or month where the number collectors come out. Yesterday some dude by the name of Jay thought it would be okay to text me saying “Hi Lana” then goes on to see if I remember them of course I don’t. And till he sends me a photo and I sorta remember him. Apparently we spoke from POF Plenty Of Fish dating site but I haven’t been on there since 2015, then I asked if he had used anything else and he said Tinder.

He said he had lost his phone and just got it back recently and thought he would send me a text.

Then he got all stupid than I had to tell him to go educate him self. He had asked if he could take me for a drink sometime I said sure but didn’t mean it lol. Then he sends a text 3 minutes to midnight. I didn’t hear it thankfully other wise I’d tell him where to go.

This morning I get a text from some other dude named Tristan apparently we met last summer went for drinks and he’s from Toronto. He thought to text me out of the blue because he’s coming back to Ottawa and wanted to know if we could meet. I turned him down right away and said sorry not interested and please lose my number.

The guy from last night texts me and is all like good morning, asked what I was doing today I said I was busy, he’s like I was wondering if you want to go for drinks tonight. I declined and then I gave him some valuable advice like if your really into someone to not wait such a long ass time to get a hold of the person.

This is another reason I dislike and despise online apps/sites, people go ghost they also will disappear after a while and then think it’s totally okay to send out texts messages after so long. Stop collecting numbers if you fade away don’t reappear thinking you will get into the persons good books. More often than not we don’t want to hear from you.

The old me would have most likely met these people because of being lonely but the new me would rather leave those people in the past where they belong. I’m totally over those people. I’m over online dating/hookup apps/sites. But I’m 💯 % over people who randomly text thinking I’m going to remember them or will want to give them another go/chance.

Bye Felicia!

Social Media Is Ruining Our Lives

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I’m sure I can say with a definite yes I’m not alone in saying I’m getting bored with everything online. Since joining Instagram I’ve wanted to delete it many times. In fact I’d like to delete Facebook but due to the 100s of photos of my dog on it and the family or friends it’s my only way of staying connected. Also since creating my burlesque persona I need it to stay connect with that community.

Facebook used to be fun, when it became suddenly over political I literally got unhappy even going on. Also people think because you like something someone posted or shared or commented that you are staying connected in reality your most likely not that connected with these people. And I can totally admit that I have done all of it as well.

Everyone says they are just so busy and that’s why these same people can’t pick up the phone to call you just to see how you’re doing, because you know they know how you’re  doing from what you are posting on Facebook and it counts if they talk to you through Facebook messenger or some other messenger which is does not!.

I’m calling everyone out on their BullShit! Usually you hear “I’m just sooooo busy sorry for not calling”. Yet two minutes later you see their ass on Facebook sharing a stupid photo or a video of a cat or of the like.

Also when did Society become so self-absorbed, Instagram it’s 💕 how many hearts can your photo get or Facebook likes. I can’t comment on Twitter because I refuse to use it Facebook is enough. I’m seriously thinking of getting rid of Instagram. And posting less on Facebook.

I really miss just being able to socialize with friends and talk voice calls over the phone and spend quality time in person with my friends. Sadly we now live in an age where everything is almost done online. That’s why I really cherish going to my Meetup Group and spending time with my friends there and laughing and being present in the now.

Because those are the memories that count and what I will remember later on. Not who shared what on Facebook or what photo I saw on Instagram.

Id rather spend my time remembering the quality time I’ve spent being present in the  physical form than the computer,tablet,smartphone form.

 

Sadly it’s only going to get worse if we don’t do something about it. As a Society we need to value our selves more, step away from online and reconnect with who we are as people. We need to be connected  physically to people. You can’t hug your friends online, a hug gives you human touch. An online hug does squat! Laughing is also good for the soul but I think laughing with friends in person is way more fun then seeing something on a screen a friend posted online.

And even though I’m saying all this and your reading it possibly agreeing with me and thinking to your self I need to call her or I need to call one of my friends and say hi, do your self a favour and make plans to go for coffee with whom ever and stick to the plans. Stay connected, get connected or even better reconnect.

Goodbye Instagram!

Posting less on Facebook!

Reconnecting!

Saying Goodbye To Negative People

I’m just not putting up with negative people anymore. I’m also not dealing with people who have nothing else better to do but put me down. I can fully admit my flaws and I can fully admit when I’m wrong or apologize if I’ve hurt someone’s feelings. I never say I’m perfect in any way because I know I’m not and I sure as hell know other people aren’t as well.

Last Summer I had reconnected with an old best friend of mine. But that friend is still very much the Negative Nancy. A conversation we had a few weeks ago he thought it would be okay to bring up his opinions on me. We were having a conversation and yes I was bitching a little bit.  I told him I’m sorry if I was being harsh but he had also been doing the same thing about one of his friends. And we moved on. It was a lighthearted bitch fest nothing I was saying was over the top and we were laughing. It was like old times.

We had been discussing me going to Toronto this summer and the plan was for me to stay with him. And then yesterday’s shit show happened.

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I’ve had it with these types of people. You can point out flaws I may or may not have, that you think I have but that’s your problem not mine. Notice how he told me how he thought I was but wouldn’t give me a reason in why he thought what he thought.

What I thought was funny is that he said I’d question everything he said, I would ask questions because I wanted to know more of what he said or meant. As far as I know that’s normal to ask questions.

Egotistical, Shallow and Narcissistic at times.

I have a real problem with these terms.

1. When I was younger sure I might have had a few of those but then who didn’t, this friend of mine when he was younger and skinny he loved all the attention he got from all his muscle built men that were after him. What I remember was he never slept with any fat men if they were not built like a brick house he wasn’t into them, they also had to be extremely masculine if they were twinks as he put it, he wasn’t interested.

2. When I went to 238lbs being sick of being fat I don’t think has anything to do with any of those. But when I was fat I attracted nobody. I was extremely unhappy, I didn’t fit into anything cute, I hated my body and I hated how I looked. Also I was extremely negative more oftentimes then not because I wasn’t happy.

3. Have I always been attracted to muscular men HELL YES, I want to feel safe when I’m with a man and I can’t help liking and being attracted to what I like. Do they need to have a personality HELL YES. Also muscles turn my crank it’s my thing just like other people like what they like. That being said I’ve dated all types of guys, skinny guys,short guys,tall guys,fat guys,kinky guys all types. What I prefer are tall, muscled, masculine men.

Image is everything to you, in all the wrong ways, your all looks and no brain

Yup I’m a fucking walking talking Barbie doll!

Boy he knows me so well. I should go find my Ken then and we should go play in the sand box.

Not once did I throw shade to this person or bring up how much he whines over his family or his friends or how he’s a miserable person. I was hoping he had grown up but he showed me he’s still the same negative nancy he was when we stopped talking. The only difference then was he hung up on me because we were having a discussion. This time he hid behind his phone on Facebook messenger and just didn’t give me any real reason behind what he was saying to me. It’s like he was hoping we would stop speaking.

What I have learned from this situation is some people never grow as a person and they never truly grow up. I know it’s harder to think positive and be positive but the more you do it the easier it gets. Life is to fucking short to keep negativity in your life or keep negative people around. Do I love my self whole heartedly now yes and I’ll be damned to let other people try to put me down or use words against me that aren’t even true. If you are someone who’s overly negative or your having issues within your self look in the mirror first and if the person looking back at you you’re not fond of then change. Or better yet let the person go because nobody wants to socialize or be around negative people except other negative people.

I have absolutely no interest in becoming friends with this person again. I wish them well in their life but I hope he wakes up one day and realizes life is way more important then being miserable and negative.

Over & Out

VICTORIA’S SECRET Tease Eau de Parfum Gave Me Hives!

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I bought this fragrance a few years ago. Loved it, loved the bottle and scent and wore it a lot for a while but because I own other perfumes I left it alone for a while. Well a few weeks ago I decided to wear it to my documentary viewing. I sprayed my hair with hair spray after I put this on.

I went to bed when I got home and woke up to hives that were itchy in spots. My whole chest was a red mess. My neck was red and itchy and even my ears. It took almost a week to get rid of it. Then I looked at the bottle and it was cloudy and sorta thick. I threw the remaining parfum out but washed the bottle and then filled it with pink rocks and now it’s a piece of decoration.

The hives and all finally went away and till last week. I went to the movies and I wore the scarf I had worn when I went to the viewing not thinking it too would break me out. Well guess what it broke me out in three spots. I didn’t think it would go bad because one of my favourite scents by Sarah Jessica Parker – Lovely, I’ve had since it came out in 2005 is still perfect. Never once has it got cloudy or went a dark colour.

If you wear parfum make sure to check it before applying. The last thing you want is to be broken out. Also some of them have shelve lives. They say the life span is from three to five years. Obviously some can last longer but definitely look before you apply.

I will never be buying VS Tease parfum again. Pretty bottle but that’s it.

The Final Puzzle Piece

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I thought my journey was over with surgery and all was fine with in my body but truth be told I’ve come to the very clear realization that I need to finish the puzzle.

When talking to a friend last week I had said if I could take a pill tomorrow and everything was the way it was supposed to be I’d take it in a heartbeat. But the reality is it’s something I still want. Sure I’ve changed my mind about this very topic many times in the past mainly being scared of what the complications could be. But the reality is I could have had complications with the other two I have had and I came out with flying colours.

And the other reality is having nerves is totally normal to have regarding any surgery. Not just gender confirmation surgery. Let’s see I’m pretty much in perfect health. I don’t smoke, or do drugs. My last batch of blood work came back beautifully. I heal very well from surgery and I’m at a point in my life where I feel great. I love my body the way it looks however I just feel like one part is missing from the main puzzle.

I hope to feel more whole when that puzzle piece is connected and the puzzle is complete. I have a wonderful support network of family and friends and I just feel like I’m ready Now!. The only thing that has stopped me in the past is and was my nerves. Nobody said this life was easy or making your mind up over something as serious as that would happen over night. Everyone comes around at their own time and pace.

And with regards to my next steps I have spoken with my family doctor and I have an appointment set up with the therapist I saw a few months back. So I can start this and the paper trail and all of that jazz. I have said many times why can’t women have penises and men have vaginas, sure I don’t believe in the cookie 🍪 cutter box of gender but I do feel if you need to make your body match with how you feel inside then you should do what’s going to make you happy.

You’re body is your temple and if you feel that you need to match with how you see your self then do it and don’t let anyone change your mind. I wish I came to this realization years ago. Because I had many opportunities to get the puzzle piece completed but I just wasn’t ready then. As I write this piece I’m literally calm and relaxed and feeling at peace.

I don’t have to change any documentation or update the birth certificate since all of that has been changed. This is just a little body updating as I’m calling it. Also past partners I have had always said “Don’t get the surgery I like you just the way you are!”. But then they would want me to perform some sexual acts that I was never 100% comfortable in doing. Honestly I feel like how I used to feel when I was little. I’m a female through and through. And there for my body needs to match with how I am inside. Also when I die I want everything to match. That’s really what it comes down too.

Nothing about my transition has been easy but I do believe things are getting better. And I’m at a stage in my life where I just want to finish it!. And be able to live my life totally authentically and have absolutely no barriers.

Side 📝, I have known people who did not follow their aftercare instructions to the T. and had complications very serious ones at that. I am anal about doing everything right when it comes to aftercare with all of the surgeries I’ve had so I know full well all will work out. I have also known some people who had very successful outcomes. Everyone is different when it comes to healing and the out comes they are expecting.

I hope everything will be in working order when completed and healed when my time comes.

For more information on this surgery you can check out the video below.

 

Miss Divas Health Update

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So Miss Diva went to the vet, the lump that I found was nothing to worry about just normal aging. Her thyroid was lower than normal so now she’s taking medication for it. It was tested recently and it was then quite high but now she’s taking half a pill every 12 hours. She will have to remain on this medication for the remaining of her life.

Also sure some days she will play more than others but the biggest improvement was a few days were milder and we went on some pretty long walks like we use to last year and she did great. Didn’t even have to carry her so I was very happy about that.

She also had these spots of patches of fur loss/dryness stuff happening they we’re swobbed and everything came back normal from the test that took place. But a few days after I found a few spots that were bigger and one was very dark coloured on her neck to which I took photos and sent them to the vet.

Diva is now taking antibiotics to clear that stuff up. I have cleaned the spots here and there. I’m hoping it clears it up other wise more blood work will have to take place and find out the underlining cause. At first we thought it was the thyroid but now the vet thinks it’s a anti viral issue.

On the positive side of things she finally pooped on her potty patch yesterday which I was thrilled about. It was pretty icy yesterday evening so I was happy to not have to go out with her. She has used her potty patch many times to pee. But yesterday was he first time she pooped. Yay diva lol.

So that’s the latest update with Diva.

Hello Marcelle CC Cream & DIY Tinted EyeBrows?

So my tried and true love of Physicians Formula Super CC Cream failed in a way where I think the product went bad because it had these weird grainy bits. Anyways I needed a new cc cream and came about Marcelle’s CC Cream. This stuff is amazing and I love it. It’s got 24K pure gold in it with a SPF of 35. It has more shade options and a ton more beauty and skin care benefits. Check out my video review of it below. Also you can order it on-line as well from Marcelle.com

Now on to brows. My brows are not as dark as I’d like them to be and that’s one of the reasons why I fill them in. As I get older they seem to be getting lighter. Anyways I did some googling about best ways for eyebrow tinting but diy style. I tried coffee and that wasn’t amazing. Then I read a few articals about women using a product that is mainly for men. It’s called Just For Men Beard Tint. It works in 5 minutes.

It comes with two small bottles one of color the other developer a mixing container and a small duel ended applicator. You put two small pea sizes next to each other and mix it up. Also to protect the surrounding skin use either coconut oil or Vaseline. I wish I knew this trick years ago. Save your self some money by not getting your brows tinted at a salon. I also watched a ton of videos over on YouTube even a well known makeup artist from NYC who recommends doing this. It literally will save you time. It lasts three weeks or so and it gives you multiple brow treatments because you’re using such a small amount. Check out my video and see for your self.

Over & Out