I thought my journey was over with surgery and all was fine with in my body but truth be told I’ve come to the very clear realization that I need to finish the puzzle.
When talking to a friend last week I had said if I could take a pill tomorrow and everything was the way it was supposed to be I’d take it in a heartbeat. But the reality is it’s something I still want. Sure I’ve changed my mind about this very topic many times in the past mainly being scared of what the complications could be. But the reality is I could have had complications with the other two I have had and I came out with flying colours.
And the other reality is having nerves is totally normal to have regarding any surgery. Not just gender confirmation surgery. Let’s see I’m pretty much in perfect health. I don’t smoke, or do drugs. My last batch of blood work came back beautifully. I heal very well from surgery and I’m at a point in my life where I feel great. I love my body the way it looks however I just feel like one part is missing from the main puzzle.
I hope to feel more whole when that puzzle piece is connected and the puzzle is complete. I have a wonderful support network of family and friends and I just feel like I’m ready Now!. The only thing that has stopped me in the past is and was my nerves. Nobody said this life was easy or making your mind up over something as serious as that would happen over night. Everyone comes around at their own time and pace.
And with regards to my next steps I have spoken with my family doctor and I have an appointment set up with the therapist I saw a few months back. So I can start this and the paper trail and all of that jazz. I have said many times why can’t women have penises and men have vaginas, sure I don’t believe in the cookie 🍪 cutter box of gender but I do feel if you need to make your body match with how you feel inside then you should do what’s going to make you happy.
You’re body is your temple and if you feel that you need to match with how you see your self then do it and don’t let anyone change your mind. I wish I came to this realization years ago. Because I had many opportunities to get the puzzle piece completed but I just wasn’t ready then. As I write this piece I’m literally calm and relaxed and feeling at peace.
I don’t have to change any documentation or update the birth certificate since all of that has been changed. This is just a little body updating as I’m calling it. Also past partners I have had always said “Don’t get the surgery I like you just the way you are!”. But then they would want me to perform some sexual acts that I was never 100% comfortable in doing. Honestly I feel like how I used to feel when I was little. I’m a female through and through. And there for my body needs to match with how I am inside. Also when I die I want everything to match. That’s really what it comes down too.
Nothing about my transition has been easy but I do believe things are getting better. And I’m at a stage in my life where I just want to finish it!. And be able to live my life totally authentically and have absolutely no barriers.
Side 📝, I have known people who did not follow their aftercare instructions to the T. and had complications very serious ones at that. I am anal about doing everything right when it comes to aftercare with all of the surgeries I’ve had so I know full well all will work out. I have also known some people who had very successful outcomes. Everyone is different when it comes to healing and the out comes they are expecting.
I hope everything will be in working order when completed and healed when my time comes.
For more information on this surgery you can check out the video below.