What I learned this week was that the material things that I own mean nothing to me but the people in my life and my dog are of the up most important to me. And with in a split second everything that you think is important as the material becomes not important in the face of danger. The photos of you, family and your friends that you have on the wall or sitting on a shelf are no longer important in the sense if you have them online and they can be reprinted out. Or the sofa, clothing in your closet the pictures of art on the walls becomes not that meaningful anymore.
This past Tuesday I came home from a night of burlesque. Getting home at around 1am. Diva greeted me at the door as she usually does. Makeup was washed off and I fell asleep around 1:30am. I was not in a deep sleep when I heard the fire alarm go off. In the past it’s gone off with no real danger since people usual pull it. You become accustomed to it. There was one other time of just a small kitchen fire which was two years ago. Anyways as diva and I lay in bed waiting for the noise to turn off. I started to smell a stench like smoke.
Realizing that it was more serious than thought. I threw on some socks grabbed a sweater. Called for diva to get off her bed, she was freaked out so I had to grab her. Got my phone, my keys, put on boots stuck a sweater on her and opened my apartment door. There was thick smoke in the hall. Not knowing what was going on I looked down the hall then went into the fire escape and started to work my way down the stairs. The stair well was also filled with smoke. It was hard to breathe, I tried to cover my mouth and nose with my sweater.
As we ascended down the smoke got thicker, by the 5th floor or so I saw two fire men carrying a very badly burnt body. I saw in shock and went to turn to go up a floor and they yelled out just bypass us and keep going down. To which I did. Once down to the first floor I ran towards the lobby to which I saw police and other firemen as well other residents.
At one point I went outside with Diva to get some air. My throat was very sore to swallow. The majority of us were told to wait in the lounge. We were not allowed to go back to our units till I’d say 4am. But for the residents that stayed in their units, over the intercom system ere told to stay put. They put the fire out apparently it took them 10-15 minutes.
One person died at the scene which was the person I had seen and there was another person who was checked out for smoke inhalation. But was okay. They are still investigating how it happened but it was an accident and apparently both people were sleeping at the time. But between you and me fires don’t just happen out of the blue.
When we were able to come back into our apartments. I had to wash diva’s face and neck and feet from the smoke making her fur grey. My apartment did smell and I slept with the windows cracked open. The smell is mostly gone but a small faint smell in my hall. There is still an odour in the hallway of my floor.
It sucks having something like this happen because it brought back feelings of that almost brake in I had in 2015. The uneasiness I felt came rushing back full tilt. I have asked the angels and my god mother to help me sleep these last few days and to remove the images from my mind as well have used meditation.
Last night was the first night this week where I’ve actually slept all the way through. This experience has made me realize what’s most important and it’s not having material things. I honestly want to get rid of a lot of my belongings. I just don’t see a reason to have as much as I do. Because at the end of the day. If something were to happen as if what if the fire had spread to everyone’s else’s apartments and such nothing material wise means anything to me but my dog.
I’m happy to report that the walls are cement and the fire was contained to only the one unit. But it still doesn’t change how I feel about my material items. They can always be replaced and when it comes to photos of fam & friends everything is online now and so if you printed them out they can be reprinted. And though I have collected a few amazing Marilyn pictures. In the case of a fire you grab the most important things. Maybe your purse with your cell phone your animal and that’s it!.
I’m seeing my shrink next week. Though I know she can’t fix anything in the sense of what happened to me. I have been calling on my god mother and the angels to help heal this and to make sure I feel safer and to look over me and let me sleep. Today was a better day then yesterday and tonight before I sleep I will ask again.
I really wish this didn’t happen and I wish I didn’t see what I saw. That’s why I keep asking the angels to erase it from my mind. I just need it gone.
Wednesday night I went and did burlesque, to get that experience out of my mind but then one of the burlesque performers did a fire routine and the smell just brought me back. I hope I can get over that smell so I can enjoy the fire acts again because they are mesmerizing to watch.
Also Diva has missed me so much, every time I have to leave Diva behind when I go out I feel bad. When I come home she lets me pick her up and she gives me kisses more so more now than before.
I know with time it will get better. I hope!
It just fucking sucks!