It’s been a minute

It’s been an interesting month of June. Going out, drinking with friends, getting to know this new me and new life without a dog. I don’t do laundry as much as I was. Got a custom panel skirt for my one burlesque costume. Applied to a burlesque festival in October waiting to hear back from that. Was also a human sundae which was quite interesting and fun. Realized I’m way more dominant and have been working on a new fetish burlesque act. Something that’s way out there then my usual rhinestones and cutesy style. It’s darker, edgier and erotic.

Spending time with friends and have even gone on a date as well hooked up with some cute guys. Oh also rejoined a dating app. Totally not looking for a serious relationship st the moment and just want to have fun meet new people and casually date. And online is perfect for what I’m currently looking for. It’s the summer and I just wanna have some fun.

I printed out some more photos of Diva to hang. I’ll be doing another photo shoot in July which will be exciting and I’m booked to do burlesque at a handful of clubs in Ottawa all of July from the 10th on. Which makes me very pleased. I finally made it through this week without crying as well which is a step. Still haven’t walked down one pathway I had taken Diva on but I do plan on walking it at some point. I’ve also stepped up my workouts to five days a week the last two weeks. Next week I plan to skip a few days because I won’t be at my apartment but we shall see.

Ive lost a few pounds and inches but I feel great and loving how my body is looking. My nails have been utter crap. I had done fake nails then stopped then tonight just went at them with my teeth shredder lol. Very rare to do that but whatever I’ll get pretty nails back again I’m sure.

Over all I’m doing well as well as one can be.


The Bangs, Love Them Or Hate Them?

Bangs are really great for framing the face. Making a high forehead not look so high and usually flatters most face shapes. It can also make you look younger and heck if you have fine lines on your forehead kinda conceal them too.

Bangs however are not without some work. Such as blow drying them, using rollers sometimes and or a flatiron just to get them into the shape you want. Also it takes awhile to grow them out if you get sick of them.

I decided I wanted bangs fulltime again. I made the decision to cut them my self. But also had my mother’s hair stylist fix them just a touch. And now they are perfect. Also it makes my hair look even longer.

I really love how they look, I definitely suit bangs this I know. I was just sick of having bangs and grew them out. That’s the fun part about hair, if you don’t like something just change it or grow it out. Thankfully my bangs are long enough I can do different looks with. Also Anastasia from Fifty Shades I really loved her hair in the movie and her bangs are just so pretty. So that’s another reason I wanted them. And no that’s not because I’m submissive cause I ain’t 😈“ hahaha in a  dominant tone” lmfao.

Do you like having bangs? Share your thoughts in the comment box.


Things That Need To Be

Dear blog readers and followers of my blog and email subscribers. As all of you are aware Coco has been living with my parents fulltime. And as you all know, I’m still heartbroken over my beloved Diva. This is what I know and how I feel. Adopting Coco was not right to do at the time. Besides listening to everyone else and talking myself into something I shouldn’t have done. She should have been adopted by another family. But because my parents are amazing people they have taken over full ownership of Coco for me. We know she is not the right dog for me. You can’t make something happen or force feelings if they just aren’t there!.

I had someone ask me “But can’t you just let her love you?”. I said “No”. I’m just not wired the same as other people. My loss and how I process things are different from you. I need to figure out who I am without Diva. She was a huge part of my life. In fact she was my life besides human family and friends. The bond I had with her was nothing I ever had before. And now that she’s physically not here I’m having to rebuild who I am without her.

I’m not ready for another animal of any kind. I need to be without an animal forawhile. I don’t know when I’ll want one. In fact I told my parents I don’t know if I can handle having one get sick and die on me. Words can’t even express how I feel about it but I try to express as best as I can. I can say this. Coco is being well taken care of. She’s gotten taller. She loves the backyard at my parents and she loves their two dogs and my parents. They also said she’s quite the barker.

My parents adore and love her and they support me in my decision. It’s really best for Coco to be with them and the dogs. I’m slowly getting used to being alone. I still talk to Diva with good morning and good night, be right back and I’m home. It gives me comfort. I have comfort listening to inspirational music, meditation 🧘‍♂️, and just being. I have been trying to get a new normalcy as well. It’s definitely not easy and it feels like yesterday that Diva passed. It’s just so weird still. Anyways Coco is in great hands and I’ll be seeing the family tomorrow.

In a way everything happens for a reason whatever it is everything happens the way it does.

The Perfect Unperfect Body

My last fitness post was that I stopped doing my 7 min workout and went back to yoga. Sadly I just stopped working out altogether and just walked. Then Diva got sick and I just gave up. Then she passed and it was pretty much a struggle just to do any form of workouts except walking. Well I can happily say that I’ve gone back to my 7 min app and have increased my workouts before it was once a week to twice a week to this week doing three workouts tomorrow will be day three. Again because it’s high intensity training a 7 min workout is the equivalent of an hour. I’m trying to get this new routine together. And including workouts to be back in it.

I’ve  accepted that my body will never be the way I want it with the big scar I have but it is what it is and sadly when I was working out 7 days a week because of where the scar is you could never tell if I had abs but such is life.

Id like to lose a few pounds nothing major but like three would be okay. I think my weight is around 169lbs maybe lower I’m not totally sure. But I’ve gone back to working out and I’m hoping it will help with my moods and the serotonin levels. I felt good about working out when I did it before so I’m hoping for the same feeling.

I’ve  also cut out a lot of meat eating. I don’t eat as much of it anymore and have really enjoyed tofu and veggie burgers but not the ones with beans yuck lol. So yeah that’s what I’m doing now.

If you have been lacking in working out, share with the class lol what’s got you down?

You’re Not Here

It’s still so surreal that you’re not here

This new routine I have is so weird

Your face is ingrained in my memory

I see a photo or video and my thoughts flash to that time

I miss you everyday

I stay out late now

No returning to feed you or give water

No brushing or clipping of your nails

No waking up beside you because you’re not there

Saying your name gives me comfort

Morning & Night

When I leave and come back

It brings me comfort like your still here

but you’re not

I miss you everyday

Its so different being on my own

Though I’m getting more comfortable

It’s still surreal that you’re not here

You’re Not Here


Lana Poulson