Keeping a more minimalist house is difficult at times when you’re so used to shopping. Recently I saw this cute table at Bed Bath & Beyond and wanted to get it. But realized I have another table that isn’t being used for anything and now it’s my new bed side table. I also had to throw out one that was next to my bed because my massage oil leaked and I had to let that go.
I finally let go of my purple fabric ottomans that you can fold up for easy storage. Since getting my new multipurpose end table that I use as my coffee table from Ikea. They weren’t being used and I really like not keeping things I don’t have a use for any longer. I donated them as well as a poster frame for posters.
I have also made the decision to donate some of Diva’s dog toys to my parents dogs who can play with them. I’ve kept maybe a few items as far as toys go. But I can let the rest go. Keeping everything isn’t gonna bring her back. In fact nothing will. But also keeping everything also isn’t gonna do anything either. I’ll never let go of the memories but some of her items I don’t need to keep. However that being said I’ve kept the items that bring me the best memories, joys and I’ve kept two leashes and such like dog food and water bowls because I’m just not there yet to remove those items for donation. I may always keep them I don’t know yet. But there’s no time frame on letting those things go heck I never have to if I don’t want too.
But back to the beginning of living more minimalistic. I have to always remember to really think about a purchase before I want to buy it when it comes to any item that isn’t food or bathroom / cleaning related. Such as clothing, shoes, bags, jewelry and furniture that includes art, area rugs, and housing accents.
Also if something is purchased that isn’t on the list then I have to love it %100 percent. I’ve also come to realize that I can’t watch any YouTube videos of peoples big closets packed with clothing it gives me a mental anxiety like to me it looks cluttered. Like owning 100 pairs of shoes or 20 dresses that are all the same color but different styles. Whats the point if you only wear three of them?.
I wear my favourite items a lot. Like seriously when I love something I wear it the most. Don’t get me wrong when I’m out at a mall you are tempted left right and center. Sales and deals and beautiful things. I used to love shopping. But it’s not something I love to do anymore. For me it’s get in and get out. Also my inner voice now says “Do you really need that?”. And then I’ll think twice about it and decide not to purchase it and keep going.
I know for some people always buying new or owning a bunch of the same items is their gig and they enjoy it which is all dandy for them. But for me it’s no longer about the quantity it’s really loving what you have and being perfectly okay with owning less. Also on the bright side of things if you ever need to move you won’t have a shit ton of things to move with lol. Also by owning more when you don’t need to is also a waste of money. I mentally feel lighter by owning less. And I’m appreciating the things I do own much more.
Live lighter with less. And love what you do own.
Diva came to visit me last week I felt her on the bed. It was extremely comforting and it’s made me miss her. And though I miss her Facebook reminds me at least once a day with the memories that it shows me because I posted a lot of her on there. I am thoroughly enjoying my freedom at the moment. I’m sure I may feel differently once winter comes but I am getting a new routine and so far it’s pretty good. I no longer wake at 6:45am any more and kinda just wake when I wake. Usually it’s still pretty early, just no longer by an alarm clock ⏰.
I’ve also slacked a bit, I don’t go for a daily walk as I said I was going to in the beginning. I did for a bit but then got lazy. I’m still finding my grove to be honest. But it’s to be expected. This whole no dog thing is new to me. But I’m enjoying it as well. And the things I used to do before, tho I miss it sometimes. What is happening right now is meant to be this way.
When I started to put tattoos on my left arm I knew I wanted to build a sleeve. I think tattoos are a form of artistic expression and getting a tattoo sometimes will mean something and sometimes it may mean nothing and you just really love whatever your putting on your skin. I found the image above on google when I was looking at different ideas. I kept going back to her. Of course the cob webs and sculls aren’t my thing. The artist who’s drawing that is is Isobel Von Finklestein. She does Lowbrow & Pinup Art.
But I wanted to do my own spin on her. I wanted her to hold a S&M tool such as a flogger or a crop or something of that effect. I wanted her to be mainly black & grey with hints of white for high light and I wanted her corset, thigh highs and shoes to be red with green eyes. The tattoo artist I went to her name is Becky D Tattoo, she works at Black Pearl Body Art Tattoo Parlor and Piercing Salon in Ottawa. She is a pleasure to get tattooed by she has a gentle touch and a quite tattoo gun.
Here is my Pinup Dominatrix
I’m super thrilled with how she turned out. As the artist said she’s like the cartoon version of the girl on my upper arm.
Also my Dominatrix Pinup goes with a side of my personality that’s kinda the main reason I got her to hold a tool. I mean I don’t know how many people will notice the flogger when looking at my arm dead on. Most people don’t notice the nip slip on my pinup girl but I also don’t care if people notice it either. I’ve never seen a tattoo such as mine on anyone before. But yeah thrilled with the results and looking forward on building onto my sleeve. Hopefully I’ll just stick to my arm that is the plan. I don’t really want to put any others anywhere else on my body. But they are addictive.
Anywho that’s about it right now.
First let me start off by saying a handful of years ago I stumbled upon Dita Von Teese through Marilyn Manson it was all over tv when those two married. She is the Queen Of Burlesque and I was just in awe of her as so many people are. Then the movie Burlesque came out with a star-studded cast including Cher & Christina Aguilera as well other stars. I was in awe of it but never thought I’d ever get into burlesque myself.
Then fast forward a couple of years and I’m at a Halloween party and one of the entertainers was a burlesque dancer we got to talking. I went to one of her groups shows and was not just hooked but wanted to experience that same feeling. Since starting burlesque almost two years ago one of the things I really wanted was to be in a burlesque festival. After befriending many new friends in the burlesque scene and applying to a few and getting declined. I started working my ass off and adding to my costumes and reworking some acts. I decided to apply to this years big festival in Ottawa and I’m extremely excited to announce that I’ll be performing in this years Ottawa International Burlesque Festival in October.
Last year I applied to be a stage Kitten as a volunteer which was truly an amazing experience and I met so many wonderful sweet down to earth performers. But this will be my first huge stage it’s being held again at The Ottawa Little Theatre it’s a really nice theatre and I’m so excited to perform my Spirit Act with my silk vail fans. I also had a custom panel skirt made for this costume by a fellow burlesque artist who is also quite wellknown and friend Koston Kreme.
If it wasn’t for burlesque I’m not sure where my life would be right now. It’s helped me appreciate my body more. It’s a part of my personality that is much more out going and the confidence that Kandy brings out of me is super high. If I’m feeling a little less confident I literally bring her to the surface and she shines through which in turns helps me. Also if I don’t want someone to know my real name, I just say it’s Kandy that’s with a K not a C lol.
Also I’ve done a wicked body positive nude art photography shoot as Kandy and that was something I’d probably never would have done if it wasn’t for being a burlesque dancer/ performer/ artist. So I really owe a lot to burlesque as well it helped me get back to reality after my beloved dog passed away.
Though burlesque started out as a little hobby it’s become my passion. And I’ll do it for as long as my body will let me.
It’s been an interesting month of June. Going out, drinking with friends, getting to know this new me and new life without a dog. I don’t do laundry as much as I was. Got a custom panel skirt for my one burlesque costume. Applied to a burlesque festival in October waiting to hear back from that. Was also a human sundae which was quite interesting and fun. Realized I’m way more dominant and have been working on a new fetish burlesque act. Something that’s way out there then my usual rhinestones and cutesy style. It’s darker, edgier and erotic.
Spending time with friends and have even gone on a date as well hooked up with some cute guys. Oh also rejoined a dating app. Totally not looking for a serious relationship st the moment and just want to have fun meet new people and casually date. And online is perfect for what I’m currently looking for. It’s the summer and I just wanna have some fun.
I printed out some more photos of Diva to hang. I’ll be doing another photo shoot in July which will be exciting and I’m booked to do burlesque at a handful of clubs in Ottawa all of July from the 10th on. Which makes me very pleased. I finally made it through this week without crying as well which is a step. Still haven’t walked down one pathway I had taken Diva on but I do plan on walking it at some point. I’ve also stepped up my workouts to five days a week the last two weeks. Next week I plan to skip a few days because I won’t be at my apartment but we shall see.
Ive lost a few pounds and inches but I feel great and loving how my body is looking. My nails have been utter crap. I had done fake nails then stopped then tonight just went at them with my teeth shredder lol. Very rare to do that but whatever I’ll get pretty nails back again I’m sure.
Over all I’m doing well as well as one can be.
Bangs are really great for framing the face. Making a high forehead not look so high and usually flatters most face shapes. It can also make you look younger and heck if you have fine lines on your forehead kinda conceal them too.
Bangs however are not without some work. Such as blow drying them, using rollers sometimes and or a flatiron just to get them into the shape you want. Also it takes awhile to grow them out if you get sick of them.
I decided I wanted bangs fulltime again. I made the decision to cut them my self. But also had my mother’s hair stylist fix them just a touch. And now they are perfect. Also it makes my hair look even longer.
I really love how they look, I definitely suit bangs this I know. I was just sick of having bangs and grew them out. That’s the fun part about hair, if you don’t like something just change it or grow it out. Thankfully my bangs are long enough I can do different looks with. Also Anastasia from Fifty Shades I really loved her hair in the movie and her bangs are just so pretty. So that’s another reason I wanted them. And no that’s not because I’m submissive cause I ain’t 😈“ hahaha in a dominant tone” lmfao.
Do you like having bangs? Share your thoughts in the comment box.
Dear blog readers and followers of my blog and email subscribers. As all of you are aware Coco has been living with my parents fulltime. And as you all know, I’m still heartbroken over my beloved Diva. This is what I know and how I feel. Adopting Coco was not right to do at the time. Besides listening to everyone else and talking myself into something I shouldn’t have done. She should have been adopted by another family. But because my parents are amazing people they have taken over full ownership of Coco for me. We know she is not the right dog for me. You can’t make something happen or force feelings if they just aren’t there!.
I had someone ask me “But can’t you just let her love you?”. I said “No”. I’m just not wired the same as other people. My loss and how I process things are different from you. I need to figure out who I am without Diva. She was a huge part of my life. In fact she was my life besides human family and friends. The bond I had with her was nothing I ever had before. And now that she’s physically not here I’m having to rebuild who I am without her.
I’m not ready for another animal of any kind. I need to be without an animal forawhile. I don’t know when I’ll want one. In fact I told my parents I don’t know if I can handle having one get sick and die on me. Words can’t even express how I feel about it but I try to express as best as I can. I can say this. Coco is being well taken care of. She’s gotten taller. She loves the backyard at my parents and she loves their two dogs and my parents. They also said she’s quite the barker.
My parents adore and love her and they support me in my decision. It’s really best for Coco to be with them and the dogs. I’m slowly getting used to being alone. I still talk to Diva with good morning and good night, be right back and I’m home. It gives me comfort. I have comfort listening to inspirational music, meditation 🧘♂️, and just being. I have been trying to get a new normalcy as well. It’s definitely not easy and it feels like yesterday that Diva passed. It’s just so weird still. Anyways Coco is in great hands and I’ll be seeing the family tomorrow.
In a way everything happens for a reason whatever it is everything happens the way it does.
My last fitness post was that I stopped doing my 7 min workout and went back to yoga. Sadly I just stopped working out altogether and just walked. Then Diva got sick and I just gave up. Then she passed and it was pretty much a struggle just to do any form of workouts except walking. Well I can happily say that I’ve gone back to my 7 min app and have increased my workouts before it was once a week to twice a week to this week doing three workouts tomorrow will be day three. Again because it’s high intensity training a 7 min workout is the equivalent of an hour. I’m trying to get this new routine together. And including workouts to be back in it.
I’ve accepted that my body will never be the way I want it with the big scar I have but it is what it is and sadly when I was working out 7 days a week because of where the scar is you could never tell if I had abs but such is life.
Id like to lose a few pounds nothing major but like three would be okay. I think my weight is around 169lbs maybe lower I’m not totally sure. But I’ve gone back to working out and I’m hoping it will help with my moods and the serotonin levels. I felt good about working out when I did it before so I’m hoping for the same feeling.
I’ve also cut out a lot of meat eating. I don’t eat as much of it anymore and have really enjoyed tofu and veggie burgers but not the ones with beans yuck lol. So yeah that’s what I’m doing now.
If you have been lacking in working out, share with the class lol what’s got you down?
It’s still so surreal that you’re not here
This new routine I have is so weird
Your face is ingrained in my memory
I see a photo or video and my thoughts flash to that time
I miss you everyday
I stay out late now
No returning to feed you or give water
No brushing or clipping of your nails
No waking up beside you because you’re not there
Saying your name gives me comfort
Morning & Night
When I leave and come back
It brings me comfort like your still here
but you’re not
I miss you everyday
Its so different being on my own
Though I’m getting more comfortable
It’s still surreal that you’re not here
You’re Not Here
Well I did end up getting that chaise from Ikea the Kivik Chaise in the color Orrsta light grey. Then went to Home Sense and got some bigger pillows. The red lip pillow came from Ikea and the purple and Marilyn I already had. I’m really into neutrals with splash’s of colour. The tall slender floor lamp is grey and it came from Walmart. I’ve wanted to replace the lamp I had there forever.
I’m so glad I bought the chaise. It looks awesome it’s super comfy. I’ve had naps on it. Stretched out and I just love it. Plus I fit on it so much better than I ever did on my red love seat. Someone who is 6’2 this chaise is perfect for me. I also love how you can get another cover for it in a different shade and change things up if you want as well. I’m a fan of clean lines and simple yet comfortable pieces. And things that make you feel great and you love.
I also did some painting to my front closet doors but also my bedroom closet doors. Since moving in they were a 💩 brown. With flecks of paint when they repainted the apartment before moving in.
So I got the go ahead and painted them just a simple off white. It took me about two weeks I took my time and they are as perfect as perfect can get. Since it’s faux wood. The guy at Home Depot was super helpful and I got everything I needed.
I also went around and replaced all the bulbs with LED. My hall is nice and bright now. And it’s just nice to have a brighter apartment.
It feels good to replace old things with new things that you love.