My New Sofa

So the image above is not mine however the idea is exactly what I envisioned a few years ago on my blog. I managed to find that one person did exactly that on Pinterest.

Next Saturday my father and I are going to pick up the IKEA Kivik Chaise in the color Orrsta light grey. My plan then is to then go to Home Sense at some point and pick up a few more throw pillows as the photo from Pinterest and make it more cozy.

Then I’ll be able to use the chaise as a sofa and if I needed an extra spot for a friend to crash a bed. I love the light grey colour and I’m totally excited about getting this new piece. Also, the seat has a layer of memory foam so that will make it extremely comfy.

Something kind of interesting though is if you order from IKEA online they will charge you a $20 service fee just to go and pick it up. How crazy is that?

So next Saturday we will just go and buy it on the spot and by passing the whole store to the warehouse.

I’m totally stoked!

Can’t wait.


Small Health Update On Diva

Finally took her to the vet yesterday. They took some samples from her paw and sent them in for further testing. So we will finally find out what exactly is going on. The vet didn’t detect a heart murmur and said sometimes depending on how they breath can make their heart beat differently so at this rate I’m confused on if she does or doesn’t have one because I’ve now heard three different things.

Also her breath may stink a touch because she’s got a loose tooth. But having it removed I can’t afford at this moment. It’s not bothering her so it can fall out by it’s self at this rate. I had also bought a new Victorian collar from the vet that was fitted for her. The vet said to keep her paw dry and bandaged for two days then to clean it and rebandage it.

But I went out last night and when I returned home what do you think she managed to do. ripped into the toe removed the insides of the pad and yeah. So here’s me at 1:25am having to reclean and bandage the damn thing. I was livid! To say the least. They need to make those collars so they can’t get at any of their paws period!

No idea what I’m gonna do about her. Seriously 😳 it bothers me! Anyways that was not something I wanted to come home too.

I’ll find out in 7 to 10 days what’s up with her results and then will then figure it out from there. Update will follow when I know what’s going on.


Hello Ikea

So I’m dealing with a cold at the moment but over the weekend my parents invited me to go to Ikea with them. So I said sure. I picked up a new coffee table though you can use it as a coffee table or side table. Gotta love Ikea because you can use pretty much anything from that store as whatever you want to.

My bestfriend has a table on casters which I was drawn too. And so when I saw these ones I was hooked. I love how it’s open and airy as well on wheels. So you can move it around. It’s also white so I like that and it doesn’t take up much room. I got the smaller one because there is another size that is more rectangle. The one above is about $49 the larger one is $79. And it was a snap to put together took less then five minutes.

I feel like I now have a real coffee table. It’s cute, it’s easy to move around, it’s airy and it’s roomy.

Thanks Ikea

Living With Less

Since decluttering, removing and down sizing my belongings. I’ve come to love everything I own. And realizing having more than I need will never make me happy. I used to want more pots or pans, more dishes, more throw blankets and more clothing. Every time I’d go out I’d want more. Even when I didn’t need it. You go into a mall and you see sales here, sales there, sales everywhere. Seeing more art work of the same thing I already owned like Marilyn Monroe. As well spending more than I had.

As a child I was all about saving my money and not spending every last dime I had. Then I grew up and it all changed. I got my self into credit debt not the best move I ever made. But the good news is it’s being paid off. The other good news is that I know what I need. And don’t need. I own two pots a small one and a medium size one. I own three pans and one large sauté pan that has a bit of a deeper bottom to it. Unless they fall apart I don’t need more. As a single person having a set of 16 place setting dish’s I also don’t need and no longer own.

My grandmothers China. I also got rid of the extras and donated them and kept four of each four bigger plates, I had four medium plates but one broke and two small saucers as well the tea kettle. As well a serving platter & a few tea cups that my other grandmother had.

Out of my own dishes I kept two dinner plates and two smaller plates. One bowl, and last year I bought two bigger bowls for eating which are perfect for soup or pasta. Four regular drinking glasses and two  specialty Marilyn drinking glasses. I have a few baking things like pans and bread pan and two muffin tins. And two baking sheet pans. A few cutting boards some just for fish or chicken. A tea kettle for the stove.

My wardrobe consists of things I need. And to have some variety and to mix and match. For comfy classic and causal yet dressy and sophisticated. I recently bought some fleece lined tights. And donated two pairs of fleece lined leggings that just were to tight in my body. I’ve also thrown out shirts with stains or are falling apart. Stop holding on to those things. They have been well worn but it’s time for them to go.

By not spending ever last dime I have on shopping. I have more money and the desire to shop has decreased so much. In fact I no longer desire to shop online and have unsubscribed  from many mailing lists. Less email clutter. The one thing I dislike about  social media are the shopping ads they throw in your face as they do on Instagram or Facebook. And even tv talk shows when they share about things they tell you you need to have.

Though the  minimalism is what I’d love to fully do. I do enjoy and love what I have held on too. And I don’t believe in getting rid of everything, Nor do I believe in only have a few pieces of clothing. But it does make me feel good that I don’t need to have a lot to have a beautiful place or have beautiful things. And the clothing I own I love all the pieces.

I know going forward I will never buy another Marilyn Monroe item. I know that having more materialistic things will not make me happy. And I also know that by having more doesn’t make me feel good. Shopping was a rush and buying something on sale was a thrill but once it happened that feeling went away and I felt really bad after.

By not buying into consumerism I feel better about my self. I feel better about the things I own. And I value what I do have. I no longer have an emotional tie with my belongings as I did in the past. Of course there are some items I do have that I love and the memories that are tied to them. If that item was to get lost or stolen or I gave it to someone else or what have you, I would still have the memories of that piece.

Anyways there are things that you do at some point have to replace. Like sofas or beds or dishes or whatever but it’s being more mindful on what you spend your money on. Same with clothing like getting timeless pieces or better quality clothing that didn’t cost 5$. However there are some shirts I have bought on sale that lasted 8 years though some of them are now gone. But yeah.

I just feel better with less crap. Though with less crap the better you feel.  Now I just have to work on my mind lol 😆

Diva’s Health Update

When we were at the vet last to treat her vaginitis she also had a small cyst on her paw between her two toes. The vet put her on antibiotics and said it should clear both of them up. Well her interdigital cyst didn’t go away. In fact it’s grown to a pretty decent size.

I’ve been doing  epson salt soaks,  peroxide cleaning, using  polysporin. And when I go out I wrap her paw in vet wrap, dog sock, I’ve even done the  victorian caller as well the other two combined. Though when I return home the sock and vet wrap has been removed. But she’s still wearing the collar.

Shes been getting half of a Benadryl pill. But not sure it’s helping. She will be seeing the vet later this month. And I think we will do the biopsy to see what it is for sure. I’ve been talking to the vet through email.

Also her breath stinks and her vaginitis is back im pretty sure. Her breath just stinks almost like her paw. It’s weird. She doesn’t have much energy here. Even though she does at my parents. And her cyst doesn’t ooze it bleeds. Ugh less walks for her as well and she’s hates when I leave. Ever since the fire happened in the building she hasn’t been the same since. Very clingy, follows me practically everywhere I go.

That’s  the latest with Diva. Will update after we see the vet in the next few weeks.


Every time a man uses me for sex a small part of my soul dies.

When I’m used for sex and not treated with respect my self-esteem becomes worthless

I feel worthless

Men who want one thing from me makes me feel worthless

How does one feel like they matter when they are always used to being treated as less than. When you desire love but don’t receive it. When the men you attract don’t see you as human.

An object for their sexual pleasure. Once they get what they want they throw you aside like yesterday’s trash.

They make you feel like you’re the problem, you’re the crazy one, You’re  the one with issues.

People who say you should love yourself in order to receive love from others. But what if what you receive isn’t love at all, it’s bullshit, it’s false, it’s the worthless shit they put upon you.

I have used online dating thinking I may meet a legit nice guy but 99% of the time it’s men who want to use this body for their own sexual desires and then toss it aside after they have gotten what they wanted.

How does one not feel worthless after?



Lana Poulson


Trauma is never easy, yesterday in therapy we discovered that my Trichotillomania was caused by trauma. My PTSD is caused from years of trauma. I broke down a few times with tears running down my cheeks. Being trans isn’t a mental health problem but aspects have caused me to have serious traumatic experiences. From always being in fear, for my safety to child molestion that’s happened a few times. That came to the surface. To multiple other things.

I’m seeing my therapist next week to work through my shit!. And though I don’t believe personal things need to be shared on social media people need to understand sometimes the strongest people you see, sometimes throw a happy smile on their face because that’s what has been ingrained in them to do.

I’m Lana and I’m not 100% okay, by sharing this part of me with my Facebook people I want to open the dialogue. Self harm is not the answer. Facing your inner demons is though and feeling those feelings as uncomfortable as they are at times it’s the best thing to do.

I’d also like to point out being trans isn’t easy what’s so ever. From people judging you after they find out. To people who judge you with in the LGBTQ community even with in the trans community. To always having to come out to people you date.

Then you have the working environment. Can they tell you’re trans, how will you’re co-workers react. Walking at nighttime by yourself. You’re safety if you live alone. It’s tripled compared to if you’re not trans.

In reality I’d say trans people are the strongest yet the most vulnerable. We have to constantly fight to be who we are and always demand respect ✊.

It’s not easy being trans but in the end even though it’s been a hard fucking road. I wouldn’t be anyone else.

I’ve had some remarkable amazing experiences, have met some truly beautiful souls and have made some amazing memories I’m not sure I would have had if I wasn’t trans. I’m not 100% sure what my purpose is but I used to say it was to “teach other people what’s it like to be trans”, I’m not exactly sure if that is still the case. But I hope so. Though this life is not easy and there are many bumps in the road at the end of it all I get to live as my Authentic self. And even with all my flaws and trauma and hard times in the end I know who I am probably better than most know themselves!.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Diva Update

Well as she gets older she gets to deal with aging fun stuff. The last post was last July. She is now 10 years of age. Her poop issue was 99% likely because of the trash incident. We have since learned about that. Moving forward she had a spat of a vaginitis. Cleared that up but also she had a cyst between her toes front left paw. Surgery is out of the question because they can multiply the vet said and surgery and her age just isn’t a good mix.

So we have been doing epsom salt soaks for her as well cleaning it with peroxide and then using polysporin. The hard part is getting her not to chew at her paw when I’m out. I have Vet Wrap for when I go out to wrap her paw as well dog socks which are cotton with little grips for when I’m home. It was getting better but then last night I had tried a dog sock and vet wrap around and she’s managed to remove the sock. So tonight when I go out it will just be the vet wrap. I prey she leaves it alone.

Other than that she’s doing well.

Here is another banana bread but definitely not your typical recipe. With a little more sweetness but no extra sugar, this savoury treat will have you wanting another slice.

If you have a nut allergy, discard seeds and add in whatever you like.

• 2 Eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 3 medium ripe bananas
• 1 Tbs 100% virgin coconut oil
• 1/3 Chocolate Chips Of your choice
• 1/3 Unsalted sunflower seeds

Directions: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).

Using 100% virgin coconut oil, cover a 9×5 inch tray all sides and bottom.

In a large bowl, stir together all the dry ingredients first. Then add in the wet and chocolate chips / seeds. Mix.

Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 30:00 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Cool in the tray for 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.

You can store in a plastic container in fridge for about 7 days or put in freezer for up to 3 months. Using plastic wrap and tinfoil


Get Natural Brows Without Makeup

I posted about this method on my YouTube Channel but I’ll write about it here because today I redid this method. My new way of dying my eyebrows is still using Just For Men Beard Dye but not leaving it on for five minutes.

Items you will need.

  • The kit
  • Cotton pads & Cotton Q-tips
  • An angled brush
  • Vaseline
  • Timer


  1. Using a Cotton q-tip put the Vaseline around your brows
  2. Remove the container from the box and mix equal parts of dye and developer about a pea size amount. Using the clear part of the applicator mix together.
  3. Using the angled brush dip into the colour and apply to brows making sure to get all the hairs and carve out your brows basically
  4. Set a timer for 2:20 minutes
  5. When the timer is up take a Cotton pad with cold water and wipe away
  6. Put a little Vaseline over the brows and your done

The reason I add some Vaseline afterwards is I find the dye a little drying afterwards. But it also makes it look good too. I usually dye or tint my brows when I remember too. It lasts about two to three weeks depending on washing your face and that sort of thing. Of course if you leave the dye on for five minutes it will tint your skin. I’ve learned from doing that. But I find by just doing it for 2:20 minutes it does it perfectly without totally tinting my skin.

It makes a huge difference. And on the days I don’t feel like wearing makeup or not a lot it’s great. Let’s face it brows shape you’re face. And from barely there to there is awesome.

Try it out and share your thoughts below.

Over & Out