Hello New Chapter

So I’m still on a high from last night and I don’t mean from drugs, in fact it took me a bit to fall asleep because I was thinking of all the new things I got to learn in a span of three hours. Last night was my first day of on the job training. And I’m so stoked about this job. Like legit excited to be working for a company that cares about its employees and Gap Inc is very lgbtq 🏳️‍🌈 positive and accepting. Which is what you want when your apart of a company.

I was super early, I went to Starbucks before going in and grabbed a coffee not just to warm me up but also wake me up for the shift.

Last night I got my username and password for clocking in as well for the cash register. I was also put on cash and had a few costumers. Cash will definitely get some getting used to but that is to be expected when learning something new. Also it’s not that difficult and the great thing is there will always be a head cashier and till I’m able to be left on my own. So if I run into trouble or need help ill have it. I also learned some floor work. Next Monday I go in for more training with some computer work. The location of the store is a good ten minute walk roughly from the bus stop maybe 8 minutes if I walk fast.

All my co workers I met are all super friendly and nice as is my supervisor. I can tell I’m really going to enjoy this job. Also I get my work schedule emailed which is even better. I’m really excited about this chapter. So excited in fact because it’s my time to succeed and reach the ladder I know I’m fully capable of doing. And to show that when I put my mind to something I follow through. So far this year has been that to a T. And I’m really proud of my self for accomplishing everything that has gone on from the death of Diva to over coming my fears from that fire last year. To being alone in my apartment but being okay being alone.

I’m finally at a place in my life where things are really great and I’m so thankful for all the experiences. Everything happens for a reason and I’m excited beyond belief.

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Book Chapters

So I’m friends with two of my ex’s. Just straight up platonic friends. One of them it’s taken a long time to get to where we are as far as our friendships goes. He was the first guy I had a long relationship with about a year and a half with some on and off moments near the end. The end was harsh and we didn’t like each other for a period of time. And then we ended up becoming friends. We tried to hook up once for a night of passion in 2011 but it didn’t workout and I wasn’t feeling it so we left it as is and just remained friends.

Since then he’s dated others as I have and his last relationship they had a baby who is now 3 years of age. They split and are no longer together but have shared custody. Yesterday my ex and I got together for lunch he brought food over to my place and before leaving asked if I had plans tomorrow night. I said no and he’s like would you go on a date with me.

Being in shock I started to laugh and smile and I said yes. As soon as he left I was like wtf just happened and then I went right to why though?. I’m still wondering why. I’m going on the date but mainly to find out why since he won’t tell me over Facebook messenger.

……..

Well I’m home now and the date went better then I expected it would. But not in the way your thinking. We talked and I found out why. I also told the truth and laid my feelings out on the table. In a nut shell, I like the relationship we have (friendship). I told him I don’t have feelings for him in that way and it’s taken us years to get to where we are.

I’m in a place in my life where sure I might be single but that doesn’t mean I want to restart something that’s been dead for years. Sure we might be different now but just because it’s familiar territory doesn’t mean it’s going to work out. He said he was just asking with no expectations and just going with the flow. Said he thinks of me often and was just wondering where things could go.

If he had come to me years ago I might have wanted to re start it. But I’m not the same person as I was and I’m not attracted to him in anyway except that we’re friends. Re starting something with an ex most likely won’t work out. Because the past comes flowing back and though time has passed you still remember things. As we walked to the restaurant he put his hand on my lower back as we walked to the restaurant and I felt uncomfortable because it felt weird. Conversation went extremely well but that’s normal because again we’re friends. And he was sweet and paid for dinner and even opened my door to his car before I got in.

But it was just kinda awkward. I didn’t lean in for a hug, I thought if I did that he would have tried to kiss me maybe. I don’t know but I said thanks we should do that again sometime and I opened the car door and closed it and then walked into my building. I’m open to date someone and I’m emotionally available. But what I’m not available for is to reopen a door that’s been closed for many many years. And that’s one thing I’m proud of my self for doing. Because the old me would have opened that door and ran right through it. Or let that person through that door.

The chapter has closed and you need to move forward with the book. Going back a few pages won’t get you anywhere. The past pages have been read it’s time to move on to the next chapters and get excited for them.

I’m excited for the upcoming chapters!

Good Feng Shui

It seems to me this can happen quite easily when you remove energizes from your life, from people to items to whatever your heart desires. Also allowing yourself to feel the emotions and becoming emotionally available.

Its been a long time coming but I’m finally at a place in my life where I’m supposed to be at. Today I had a job interview lined up for Banana Republic but I was told that Old Navy was having a job fair. For the holidays so I grabbed a resume and headed to that first. For anyone who doesn’t know this Gap Inc owns both of those stores. It’s like TJX owns Winners, Marshals and HomeSense.

As I was saying I went to Old Navy first there was three of us getting interviewed at the same time. And we all got hired basically a min before it was over. I called Banana Republic and had to cancel the interview because you can only work at one place. It’s not for the holidays it’s permanent part-time with options to become full-time. Also has some part-time benefits as well which is amazing. And it’s not to far from home which is great. The store is pretty massive and I’m super stoked about this. My training is about 12 hours and our first day of training is an evening next week.

So ready for this next step as scary as it is even though it’s totally not lol I’m more excited then anything. Things are looking up and I’m excited for this next chapter.

Selling Unused Items Or Giving Them Away – Plus

This morning I had a buyer from Facebook Market Place stop by to purchase my coffee maker. As a way to clear out items that I’m no longer using and have no use for to make space in my home. I had recently bought a French Press coffee maker which is super tiny to a large Keurig Machine. Also those pods are not cheap to constantly be buying.

I sold it for $50 cash and the lady arrived earlier then the time picked which honestly made my morning. I was also selling a clothing rack however nobody bought that so I left it in the lounge for someone to just take. I’m also selling a big fan for about $35. So we shall see if I can sell that too.

I had a friend pop by yesterday and she made a comment on how’s much cleaner and bigger my place looked since I sold my red high heel chair and removed Divas belongings that I had out. I love the feeling and seeing the space that is now there. I really like only having the essentials. Of course having bare walls for me isn’t an option when it comes to being minimalistic. But having fewer wall art pieces is. Same with shoes I have the ones I always wear and go for but because I do Burlesque I have shoes just for performing in and outfits that are only for that. So though I have edited my wardrobe, something’s I have to keep.

By having more space it’s given me more clarity in just my life over all and what I need and want for my self in all aspects. Especially In my romantic relationships or what I need from them when I think one might be turning into one. That’s been the biggest thing that and my family knowing what I ideally want in a relationship lol.

But selling items or donating them is a great way to make room in your home not to fill up with more clutter but have space. Having space is like a calming effect of knowing what you have and knowing it’s enough.

Emotionally Unavailable Men

I’ve  called it quits to these people. Recently I went on I’d say about three dates with someone. In the first date I should have just let that one date be just one date. But the next time we saw each other he met my friends even my best friend and it was fun hanging out unfortunately we got into a discussion about “If one person can fulfill every sexual need why then want to have other partners” his response was he likes variety. However knowing that his last relationship was in a way toxic and since  that relationship he’s been wanting more of a poly relationship but is looking for a main person. But there is a huge difference between poly and just an open relationship.

Having an open relationship where you are emotionally attached and even sexually but choose to have open sex with other people is completely different then having a poly relationship where you are basically dating more than one person at the same time.

I’m definitely more of a monogamous type of person. Could I have an open relationship yes if all sexual needs were not getting met then we would have that discussion and deal with it at that time. But 99% of me is the monogamous type. I’m honestly done with these emotionally unavailable men. I’m not settling for these people and quite honestly neither should anyone else if you want a committed relationship I see no issues with them. When you realize your worth and want more for yourself. I want to be someone’s everything not half or to be second or third best. Also if you have had a bad relationship and that is making you think differently about what you want in  future relationships. Maybe work on your emotional baggage before going online. That way other people don’t have to waste their time on you.

Of course if you really want a poly relationship then awesome if it works for you that’s great but be forth coming from the start about it and know your intentions from the start..

I’m done with lame excuses of people, done with emotionally unavailable men and just the bs of everything. In the past I’d most likely spend more time wasting it on people but I just don’t have the  emotional energy to do that anymore.

If you generally want me then awesome. But stringing a person along when your not sure is unfare to them.

Living A Minimalistic Lifestyle

I know I always talk about the fire that happened last December did something to me. But it’s definitely been for the better. What I’m learning about living a minimalistic lifestyle is there their really isn’t one way to be. Some go to the extreme and only own ten tops and this and that and what have you. But you also don’t need to live in a hospital atmosphere either unless that’s your aesthetics then all the more power to you.

I’ve definitely purged a lot of my things that either wasn’t using, I haven’t used ever or just have no plans to in the up coming future. I’ve gone through clothing, footwear, books, dishes, small appliances, bath, art and I even sold a high heel chair. I’m currently trying to sell a coffee maker, a large fan and a clothing rack. I went out and bought a French Press and real coffee. And wow big difference in flavour.

I enjoy watching minimalist YouTube videos. And also this album I bought called Music For Mindfulness some really beautiful songs on it from iTunes. I’ve  decided to try to not buy anything new unless it’s food related. I’m also trying to watch where I put my money and hold on to as much as I possibly can.

I’ve done pretty good with cleaning and removing unwanted clutter from my life. That also goes with people. I feel calmer about life in general. And with more space I don’t feel the need to buy more to fill it up. I was thinking of getting a new chair or A pouf or leave the space empty as is. It’s nice to have the space to be honest with you.

Also my mother asked if I wanted the old bedding that was in one of the guest rooms and I wanted it because it was lighter in color and I was rather sick of my old coverlet. I have to say I’m definitely happy to have it and my old coverlet I gave to a friend who wanted it so it was a win win.

The pillow I had bought a few years ago from ikea and had given it to my mom to use because she had a rainbow type of painting anyways she got new things and asked if I wanted the pillow. I said yes because it’s a nice pop of colour in my room.

I definitely don’t think you need to have nothing in your home if your a minimalist. But I do think it’s great to declutter your belongings and knowing what you need in order to be happy. I had also watched a YouTube video about gift giving and what is perfect for the minimalist.

So I put together a gift guide for the minimalist for my family, because as far as jewelry, clothing or hair products I don’t need any more of it.

  • Consumables, this could be things I can use up that wont be sitting around for months on end. Such as gift card to any of the grocery stores like Food Basics, Loblaws. Even cooking, baking something is always a great gift.
  • Pier One Imports gift card, I really like their oil diffusers and scented candles, Bath and Body Works for their scented candles. 
  • Razor blades such as Schick Quattro for women. My favourite perfume that is basically done is Miss Dior Blooming Bouquet.
  • Spending time together like going for lunch or going to see a movie. Also movie gift cards are great idea.

So that’s what I’m about now. I’m just on a completely different level then I ever have been before and I feel great about it. Plus also much more free of heavy weights.

Do you live a minimalist lifestyle? What are your thoughts?

 

A Sign From The Other Side

Since Divas passing I’ve slowly gotten a new routine together which is now complete. But I’ve also slowly taking steps to grieve her as well and slowly have put her items away or donated or what have you of her things. I’d say two weeks ago I finally put her two dog sweaters and dog tshirt in a plastic bag for storage. And then I had also removed her baby dog blanket from her urn and two dog toys that were up against her urn in storage. You can see her urn on the floating shelf between the L and perfume bottle. Off to the far right you can see a photo frame with a pic of her collar and paw print.

The photo above is before I removed her pink sweater from the frame. Well this past Friday or Saturday in the day time, I was watching tv and all of a sudden I hear a noise and I looked up and saw it literally fall down and smash onto the ground. But the crazy thing is the glass didn’t even break. The frame just completely fell a part. There was one corner that already had a small crack in it. But I never thought it would fall and smash. My first thought was it was a sign for me to put those things of her in a bag to put into storage. Which I did right away and threw the frame in the trash. I’m still kinda shocked that the glass didn’t break. Also yesterday I saw the same shadow move from like the bed area while I was in the bathroom. I said hello Diva because that’s what I feel the shadow was just showing me a sign she still visits me.

My wall now looks like this

 

I actually like the way it looks. Sure I could get a another frame and redo it or get a shadow box but I think I’m in a stage where I can just look at her stuff out of storage when I want too. Her urn I will most likely leave there on the shelf and till I’m ready to put it into storage but there is no time frame for that. I never thought the first few weeks after she passed I’d be where I am today. But I am glad to be where I am. Her dog bowl I now use on my coffee table to hold my sunglasses and my keys and what not. There are days I miss her tons and other days I’m content being by my self with no major responsibilities. Everything happens for a reason and I know her time she was with me I really really needed but by her leaving me when she did has made me a stronger person.

I believe it was a sign from Diva that it’s time to put her belongings into storage and it’s not about forgetting it’s about forgiving myself. And I have the memories to remember her by.

Do you believe in signs?

A Break In The Dating App World

Well I deleted Grindr and put my Tinder card on pause and deleting the app from my phone. A much needed break is what I need. Though I met most of the men from Grindr in person. The disrespect I got by faceless people sending me dick pics first isn’t exactly what I want. Not everyone but I’d say 95% of people can’t read profiles. And honestly a few flings here and there was kinda fun but it gets tiring after a bit. Especially when I’m looking to date and maybe have more than a few of them. I met four people from Tinder and honestly the swiping gets annoying. And having to wait for people to respond or never replying at all after you match and say hello.

Summer is over pretty much and I want to date someone regularly. I do have a second date with someone for next Friday so we shall see how that goes. But yeah who knows what the future holds.

What’s Your Ideal Date

 

My response is always the same, “ a second and a third”.

Have I had a few hookups yes. And most of these men have been super insanely hot with gorgeous bodies and very attractive faces. Like seriously what I love. Unfortunately I find more often than not the chase ends after the first date. The texting becomes non existence and poof they turn into a ghost.

Unless I wasn’t interested in more, I just come out and say it instead of ghosting them. Because at the end of the day I think it makes more sense to just say sorry it’s nothing personal but I’m not romantically into you or even attracted to you sexually. That goes for not hooking up with them on the first date.

Also any man who says they seek a fwb is full of bs. I have had a few repeat hookups but now that summer is coming to an end I’m kinda bored of these hookups. I’ve considered having an open relationship if I can’t get all my needs met in one person. However I’m finding it hard to just have more than one date with one person. And though my approach has been to have 0 expectations from people, so if I get surprised then it’s a nice surprise but so far that hasn’t happened just yet.

Heck even coming out and asking the guy if it’s was just a one night stand I think is okay to ask. But if he doesn’t respond to that question over text then you know what’s what. And honestly move on from the experience and keep doing what you’re doing. For anyone to say online dating is easy in 2018 is full of complete and utter bullshit.

It’s not easy for anyone!

The joys of app dating in 2018! But it’s not easy to go up to strangers and say hey? We are all  disconnected from each other and yet everyone uses online to connect.

The Paths

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Since Diva passed on my best friends birthday February 28th. It’s been one hell of a roller coaster. I was in a very dark place that I wasn’t sure I could get out of. Diva was half of my heart if not most of it. And when she died I was lost. You never actually know how an animal has impacted your life and till it’s no longer around.

Today I walked the last path, I had taken her all over my neighbourhood. Down different walking paths.  Multiple times over the three years I’ve been living at my apartment. I made up my mind to walk every path I had ever taken her on as a way to heal my heart and free my emotions.

This morning I decided to get off the bus at a stop I never get off at because it was close to the path I had first taken Diva down. It was windy but warm and I felt as I walked that Diva was walking by my side. The wind blowing her fur and her big smile on her face. I felt free and calm and content which I haven’t felt in a while.

Sadly everything happens for a reason, sometimes we know why and sometimes we don’t but obviously it was her time to go and for me to really start loving and living my life. Now that the paths have been walked. My mind can be clear. There will always be a special place in my heart for her. And I’m glad that she lived a long life. Sure I wish she lived longer but everyone has a time clock and hers was up.

Big Thanks

I have to thank my parents and brother for being the amazing people they are. My best-friend Pierre for being there for me. And the support from my other friends. Who didn’t turn there backs on me when I needed to talk and cry it out. I was able to get out of the dark period and into the light.