Book Chapters

So I’m friends with two of my ex’s. Just straight up platonic friends. One of them it’s taken a long time to get to where we are as far as our friendships goes. He was the first guy I had a long relationship with about a year and a half with some on and off moments near the end. The end was harsh and we didn’t like each other for a period of time. And then we ended up becoming friends. We tried to hook up once for a night of passion in 2011 but it didn’t workout and I wasn’t feeling it so we left it as is and just remained friends.

Since then he’s dated others as I have and his last relationship they had a baby who is now 3 years of age. They split and are no longer together but have shared custody. Yesterday my ex and I got together for lunch he brought food over to my place and before leaving asked if I had plans tomorrow night. I said no and he’s like would you go on a date with me.

Being in shock I started to laugh and smile and I said yes. As soon as he left I was like wtf just happened and then I went right to why though?. I’m still wondering why. I’m going on the date but mainly to find out why since he won’t tell me over Facebook messenger.

……..

Well I’m home now and the date went better then I expected it would. But not in the way your thinking. We talked and I found out why. I also told the truth and laid my feelings out on the table. In a nut shell, I like the relationship we have (friendship). I told him I don’t have feelings for him in that way and it’s taken us years to get to where we are.

I’m in a place in my life where sure I might be single but that doesn’t mean I want to restart something that’s been dead for years. Sure we might be different now but just because it’s familiar territory doesn’t mean it’s going to work out. He said he was just asking with no expectations and just going with the flow. Said he thinks of me often and was just wondering where things could go.

If he had come to me years ago I might have wanted to re start it. But I’m not the same person as I was and I’m not attracted to him in anyway except that we’re friends. Re starting something with an ex most likely won’t work out. Because the past comes flowing back and though time has passed you still remember things. As we walked to the restaurant he put his hand on my lower back as we walked to the restaurant and I felt uncomfortable because it felt weird. Conversation went extremely well but that’s normal because again we’re friends. And he was sweet and paid for dinner and even opened my door to his car before I got in.

But it was just kinda awkward. I didn’t lean in for a hug, I thought if I did that he would have tried to kiss me maybe. I don’t know but I said thanks we should do that again sometime and I opened the car door and closed it and then walked into my building. I’m open to date someone and I’m emotionally available. But what I’m not available for is to reopen a door that’s been closed for many many years. And that’s one thing I’m proud of my self for doing. Because the old me would have opened that door and ran right through it. Or let that person through that door.

The chapter has closed and you need to move forward with the book. Going back a few pages won’t get you anywhere. The past pages have been read it’s time to move on to the next chapters and get excited for them.

I’m excited for the upcoming chapters!

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Emotionally Unavailable Men

I’ve  called it quits to these people. Recently I went on I’d say about three dates with someone. In the first date I should have just let that one date be just one date. But the next time we saw each other he met my friends even my best friend and it was fun hanging out unfortunately we got into a discussion about “If one person can fulfill every sexual need why then want to have other partners” his response was he likes variety. However knowing that his last relationship was in a way toxic and since  that relationship he’s been wanting more of a poly relationship but is looking for a main person. But there is a huge difference between poly and just an open relationship.

Having an open relationship where you are emotionally attached and even sexually but choose to have open sex with other people is completely different then having a poly relationship where you are basically dating more than one person at the same time.

I’m definitely more of a monogamous type of person. Could I have an open relationship yes if all sexual needs were not getting met then we would have that discussion and deal with it at that time. But 99% of me is the monogamous type. I’m honestly done with these emotionally unavailable men. I’m not settling for these people and quite honestly neither should anyone else if you want a committed relationship I see no issues with them. When you realize your worth and want more for yourself. I want to be someone’s everything not half or to be second or third best. Also if you have had a bad relationship and that is making you think differently about what you want in  future relationships. Maybe work on your emotional baggage before going online. That way other people don’t have to waste their time on you.

Of course if you really want a poly relationship then awesome if it works for you that’s great but be forth coming from the start about it and know your intentions from the start..

I’m done with lame excuses of people, done with emotionally unavailable men and just the bs of everything. In the past I’d most likely spend more time wasting it on people but I just don’t have the  emotional energy to do that anymore.

If you generally want me then awesome. But stringing a person along when your not sure is unfare to them.

A Break In The Dating App World

Well I deleted Grindr and put my Tinder card on pause and deleting the app from my phone. A much needed break is what I need. Though I met most of the men from Grindr in person. The disrespect I got by faceless people sending me dick pics first isn’t exactly what I want. Not everyone but I’d say 95% of people can’t read profiles. And honestly a few flings here and there was kinda fun but it gets tiring after a bit. Especially when I’m looking to date and maybe have more than a few of them. I met four people from Tinder and honestly the swiping gets annoying. And having to wait for people to respond or never replying at all after you match and say hello.

Summer is over pretty much and I want to date someone regularly. I do have a second date with someone for next Friday so we shall see how that goes. But yeah who knows what the future holds.

What’s Your Ideal Date

 

My response is always the same, “ a second and a third”.

Have I had a few hookups yes. And most of these men have been super insanely hot with gorgeous bodies and very attractive faces. Like seriously what I love. Unfortunately I find more often than not the chase ends after the first date. The texting becomes non existence and poof they turn into a ghost.

Unless I wasn’t interested in more, I just come out and say it instead of ghosting them. Because at the end of the day I think it makes more sense to just say sorry it’s nothing personal but I’m not romantically into you or even attracted to you sexually. That goes for not hooking up with them on the first date.

Also any man who says they seek a fwb is full of bs. I have had a few repeat hookups but now that summer is coming to an end I’m kinda bored of these hookups. I’ve considered having an open relationship if I can’t get all my needs met in one person. However I’m finding it hard to just have more than one date with one person. And though my approach has been to have 0 expectations from people, so if I get surprised then it’s a nice surprise but so far that hasn’t happened just yet.

Heck even coming out and asking the guy if it’s was just a one night stand I think is okay to ask. But if he doesn’t respond to that question over text then you know what’s what. And honestly move on from the experience and keep doing what you’re doing. For anyone to say online dating is easy in 2018 is full of complete and utter bullshit.

It’s not easy for anyone!

The joys of app dating in 2018! But it’s not easy to go up to strangers and say hey? We are all  disconnected from each other and yet everyone uses online to connect.

Dating In 2018 – Phone Apps

It’s been one interesting summer since rejoining the online dating world. Honestly I’ve met more people this summer then I have in a long time. Having 0 expectations and going with a care free way of thinking has helped. Also having my body enjoyed and enjoying others has been fun as well. I’m also not sure that I want to just date and or be with just one person anymore. I’d like a main squeeze but then maybe have some side dishes as well but that’s maybe if I can’t get everything in one person.

Also this whole (Don’t text after the date or wait till the next day BS) Is totally BS. Also FWBs are also BS. Because a true FWB is someone you are legit friends who on occasion have sex with. But the new ones seem to mean call come over have sex and leave. Dating in 2018 is just a shit show. But I’m not taking it so seriously. And I also kinda like if a guy calls cool. If he doesn’t it’s his loss.

Like yesterday. Had a first good date with someone. I could have kissed him for hours and hours and hours. He was so touchy and made me feel really great and the kissing in the park and on my  balcony was just awesome. He said he would text me today. I sent him a blurb last night just thanking him for an awesome time. I didn’t expect a response back and then had a dream where he did text back basically saying he was no longer interested lol. He’s also a Leo and those guys I never mix well with. He said he’s different so we shall really see if he does text back or not. But I also refuse to chase after men.

Having 0 expectations I believe is key now. Because you can’t get totally let down if you don’t have high hopes. It may sting a little or a lot if you really like the person but not having high expectations you won’t care as much. That’s what I’m learning. Of course I’m using the phone apps and this is where my new thought process is coming from.

I haven’t been writing about it, the experiences I’ve been going through because there is enough of that on my blog. But had to write about this.

Not Dealing With This Shit Again!

Honestly I’m fed up! One of the main reasons I stopped using dating apps was the bullshit. Since not using them in months I’ve been stress free of it all.

Last year a friend of mine a guy I have a long history with wanted to start spending time with me. His ex and him had recently split. It was fine at first but then he couldn’t make any real  commitments. So I said let’s just not do anything and remain friends since that is more important to me.

Check the video for all what’s been going down. Then leave your comments down blow and let me know what you 🤔 think?

 

Wanna Go To The Movies 🎥?

February 9th Fifty Shades Freed came out in theatres. I was more than excited to see the movie. I had made plans with this guy. We were making plans to see it the following Monday. But on the Friday I decided to buy a ticket and go see the first showing of it. I’ve seen the last two by myself and wanted to see this one as well by myself.

And thank god I did because I had a feeling the guy wouldn’t show up. PS the movie was awesome and it matched the third book. To the T.

The Monday came and I had a feeling the guy would be a noshow. Tuesday came and I sent him a text. He responded by saying that he totally forgot. We made plans to get together the following Monday. Which was this past Monday. He asked me last week “When would you I’d like to go to the movies afternoon or evening?” I told him afternoon he had also said he would check show times.

Monday comes. I hear not one peep. I sent him a text at around 4:27 pm asking if he forgot again. He doesn’t text me back till 5:33pm

Hello

Fifty Shades Freed @7:15pm

Typically in the past I would have responded bitching the person out. But guess what that won’t be productive. If he really wanted to see me and do an afternoon movie he would have texted me in the morning making plans for an afternoon show. So instead of doing my usual rant and bitch I decided to do nothing. I didn’t bother responding and I still haven’t responded. Why because he’s not worth anymore of my time. By not texting back I’ve taken a small part of my power back. If he really wanted to see me he would have made the effort. And quite frankly I’m tired of that bullshit.

You forgot our date the week before, you ask me when I’d like to go see the movie you then don’t text me till the evening for an evening showing. And you don’t put any effort into contacting me till later in the day. Go fuck yourself. You’re not worth my time. And  obviously you don’t care enough about me to make proper plans. So no you don’t get anymore of my time. You will never have anymore of my time and I’ll never put the effort into you again. Sorry not 😐 sorry.

If a man can’t make you a priority for a simple movie date screw them. If a man can’t show up for you, can’t keep plans and can’t text you back. They are not worthy of your time. I’m sick of these supposedly good guys. If you wanted to talk to me you would, you would make the time to text back, call, keep the plans you make and not forget. If I’m that unforgettable then so are you!.

See you like never!

 

 

Not one dating app is better then the other

OkCupid didn’t stay on my phone long. I left it and joined another app. I did meet someone new for coffee and tho he wasn’t my type, he was super nice and conversation went well. That being said sadly because I turned someone down for not being interested they took it to next level “psycho”. Though I’ve exchanged numbers with a few people this one person is next level. Super transphobic or as he put it he’s freakphobic. The blocking feature on the app isn’t working well because the app lets people re join under new accounts so it’s hard to handle. There are always some bad apples on these apps and I don’t believe one is  necessarily going to be better over the other but I’ll most likely leave this app as well.

meh

Online Dating Pool

Well I’ve been out of the online dating pool for quite sometime. But I’m back for a few reasons. First is being single as fuck sucks. Secondly people don’t talk to me typically out in public the most I ever get are eye flirts. That’s when guys look at me and will usually include a smile or smirk. But they never ever come talk. It’s annoying as fuck. I also believe I intimidate men from my height.

Since doing burlesque it has made me feel more confident in my skin and my body but I haven’t met anyone thus far doing that. And the few guys I had spoke to didn’t talk after I asked if they were enjoying the show. There was one guy who I was totally into but he lives kinda far like not even in the country  but he’s English and if I ever see him again I’ll definitely strike up another conversation because the one we had was very chill and I felt a good vibe from him.

Also 98% Of people meet from online these days it’s very rare that you meet legit people to date from real life. When I’m out most people are on their cell phones. And as a trans woman it’s kinda hard to just strike up a chat with someone. Anywho my new view on dating online is that don’t join multiple apps. Join one and stick to that. I recently re joined OKC OkCupid and am swapping messages with quite a number of men.

I have an open mind and though I’m not specifically looking for anything to serious I am open to the possibilities in meeting some quality people. My category is Straight and the subcategory is Trans-Woman. The rest of my profile is pretty fun light-hearted and tells the person more about me. Also my username is totally different then what I’ve used in the past I think it’s cute plus it’s a little self promoting BurlesqueChika.

One thing I’m not taking to serious or letting bother me are men who are disrespectful from the start. Like one person who came out and was like “So your a man!” Honestly  I’m not even wasting my time having to explain myself to people or having to be Google for them. Block and move on. OkCupid has tons of different types of people and is rated pretty high at almost 5 stars 🌟.

One thing I’ve learned from the past is to just have fun. Don’t take it to serious. And don’t live on the app. Also I don’t think 🤔 one should join Many because it makes you look desperate. Which I’m so not just adding my self to the online pool as well going out in the real world. And if I happen to network and meet some fun cool down town to earth people than that’s even better and I’m always open to making new friends. If I meet someone who turns out to be special then wicked.

PS complements from men who say I don’t look a day over 24 are boosters for sure lol.

Over & Out

 

FIRST Aid?

Remember when I spoke about Mr Badoo? Well we had spoken a few times since the last time I wrote about him off an on nothing huge. Usually he would send me a message on Facebook or text to tell me how he missed me. But then we stopped talking last year and I removed his number out of my phone. Unlike most people but I’m not a number collector lmao.

Yesterday I got a text.

IMG_5897

Then I’m on Facebook and noticed he sent me a message over there which was in the other folder. So I told him “look I said lose my number, leave me alone”. I then went on to say “I find it funny you send me a message out of the blue basically asking for money. Get a life”. However he did listen because I think he blocked my messages because the second message didn’t send.

I’m so over that whole dating world. One of my girl friends asked me “but don’t you want a boyfriend” it’s like yeah but I don’t have to find him online. I wish people would just lose my number get rid of it. When it’s gone south or it didn’t work with us why hold onto the number? And guys who have girlfriends who still bother you even afterwards it’s like fuck off. I don’t need you thanks. Liars, cheaters, douchbags, morons,dickheads, uneducated pricks

FUCKOFF!!!!!!

Believe it or not but we are not waiting by our phones waiting for that text or email or phone call to come through. We pick our selves up dust our shoulders off and we move the fuck on with our lives smarter, stronger and wiser.

I would rather be single and alone with family and friends then keep putting up with the same shit!. I know there are decent people out there and yea sure maybe there is a few decent people online but I know for sure there isn’t many. I’m totally excited for the future for next week and for the weeks to come. With not being online looking for love ❤️ I’m actually focusing on my self and am living life to the fullest like taking my self on movie dates and not having share the pop 🌽  corn with anyone lol.

Or spending time with friends whether it be in person or over the phone. Working on my burlesque, spending time with family, my dog, working out, cooking, cleaning my apartment going to my social meet-ups and other things that people do when they are single staying active and busy.

When you spend less time with the world of online dating or no time as I have been doing you actually enjoy life. Online dating to me is a hassle having to explain to people the same record player shit. Because hardly anyone reads the profile. They see your photo and instantly sends a message. Or you end up asking why they can’t post a photo of their face or why don’t they have a photo without sunglasses 😎.

It’s always the same crap 💩 but a different pile but usually with the same results. But if you remove your self from that world 🌎 you relies there is much to enjoy out there. Like seeing an art  exhibit at a museum like I did last year. Or taking a nice long walk and enjoying a neighbourhood with cute shops.

Would it be nice to enjoy it with someone of course but I refuse to deal with all the shit online dating has. And sure dating isn’t perfect but the online world I know now isn’t for me. I even went as far as deleting emails with saved passwords to get rid of them for good. Yes I did delete the accounts and if I couldn’t delete the account  I deactivated them.  But if it works for you congratulations!!!.

Over & Out