Busy November

So this month is going by fairly quickly. I’ve finished two classes in Microsoft Word and Excel. Two classes in each program. Word is sure different then it was in Highschool and Excel was really interesting to learn. Also I celebrated my 38th birthday this past Sunday. Saturday I threw my self a party which I hosted in my home.

Laughed a bunch as well, I did end up drinking but nothing over the top and I had no hangover on my actual birthday. I’ve learned that I can drink responsibly. And there really is no need to go all out when I’m out with friends.

Also some amazing news I’ve landed another night club to start doing burlesque in. Besides my regular home that I perform at. I’m debuting at the same club I went to for Burlesque Idol. The great part about that is I already know the stage. At the end of the month I have two shows literally in the same week Nov 28th & 29th. I’m super excited about that plus I’ve been booked for a friends birthday show later in December. I also have some custom pasties being made for one of my acts.

I’ve also became friends with a few Photographers who are in the burlesque scene and that I’m super happy for since they have taken some amazing photos.

Today I went out and got a few items to get my Christmas routine put together. It’s going to be super cute and funny at the same time. Already have the song picked. Just need to work on the dance steps. My goal is to take a few classes in burlesque when I have the funds just to add to what I know.

Also something really fun my cupcake routine that I do. I had some advice given to me on how I end it to make it cuter. And I thought about doing what they said before but never went with it. And till last night which the crowd loved. So from now on I’ll be doing it always. I also slowed it down and added in a few fun things. I’m very proud of that performance.

So that is the latest of my November

Oh and my tree is already up

Advertisements

Steps to a healthier life

Admitting you have a problem to yourself is probably one of the hardest things. I usually never keep alcohol in my house. And yes sure there are times I can have one drink. But usually when I’m out and having a few drinks usually it comes to almost a binge drinking fit like it’s water and one after another is usually what happens. I’ve drank so much that I wake up the next day and don’t recall the whole night. Since I’ve been doing burlesque I usually will have a drink or two to get the nerves to go away. Not all the time but usually. Also when I drink I typically go all out. And then not again and till I’m out with friends in a bar or club setting.

I had my first drink when I was 13 or 14 years of age. When I was 16 and ran away from home over that summer. I drank every night while I was living with a friend. We hit up the clubs in Toronto. I’ve been so drunk in the past that I blacked out and don’t remember how I got home. I’m rather embarrassed about this, sharing this on my blog but after the last few days of Halloween parting and drinking way to much. Friday not remembering going for pizza with a friend. And then drinking again on Saturday and again last night at Burlesque. Alcoholism is in my family, my fathers mom my grandmother was a severe alcoholic.

Id rather nip this in the butt now before it gets way out of hand. I don’t really enjoy the taste of alcohol but after a few glasses I like it. Also lately it seems that every time I drink I get bruises. I already bruise easily but when I drink bruises show up all by them selves. And this last batch really are not that cute to look at.

I’ve quit smoking cigarettes been 6 years, I quit doing hard drugs been like 6 or 7 years, I’ve lost weight and kept that off, and now I need to quit drinking alcohol.

Id rather stop pickling my body and I sure as hell don’t need to have this problem.

Love yourself to live a healthy lifestyle

Wig Life LoL

So last weekend was Burlesque Festival here in Ottawa. The weather was all over the place but it was humid and did rain some. I decided instead of having some what frizzy unruly hair I’d rock a wig. I own such beautiful pieces I might as well wear them. You know years ago when I was dealing with Trichotillomania and having to wear them because of having to shave my head to hide the ugliness that was under them. I thought wearing wigs though I could change my style and color on a whim, we’re itchy at times, hot in the summer, and expensive.

Since over coming Trichotillomania and having a beautiful head of long hair, wearing wigs is fun to do now. I’ve been able to get a small amount of wigs that are as we would say in the hair world medical grade wigs and or high end synthetic wigs. I have one that is double mono top, single mono top, and a few lace front wigs. All well over $200 some closer to $300. And one wig that retails for like $499 which is completely hand-tied, lace front, mono top. I don’t wear it to often tho.

Anywho last weekend a neighbour said “wow you got your hair done” I was like “Yeah sure lol”, also one of the hosts at the festival thought my side cut wig was human hair. Nope just very well made synthetic. I think 🤔 high quality wigs should be in every woman’s  closet accessory. Two different days I rocked two different wig styles and colours. I mean costume wigs the cheap ones that don’t cost much are fine as well but if you want something reasonably realistic than fork out the cash for something higher quality.

DB5B76F2-FC46-4888-AE7A-5E7D71897C70

Some of my favourite online wig retailers are

Here in Canada

Canada Wig

 Gorgeous Hair Wigs

Happy Wigging it!.

What I’m Learning As An Artist 👨‍🎤

What I’m learning is that the people you hoped would support you in your craft such as close friends may not fully support you. But my burlesque friends that I wanted to be at the competition to support me were there which I’m super thankful for.

Last night was one of the biggest nights for me. Competing in a competition in front of four judges, two professional photographers and peers in the burlesque community as well in a club I’ve never been in and in front of a new audience. Was pretty huge and not one single person outside of the burlesque scene who I call friends could come and support me did in fact piss me off!.

What I’ve learned is that yes I’ll keep  promoting events that I’m in but I will stop at inviting people to them. If you choose to go cool, will be nice to see you but I refuse to put any more of my energy into inviting these so called friends to them.

I would prefer people just full on tell me they arnt interesting in going to things such as burlesque events. But to say your going to come then back out last minute is sorta a slap in my face.

Bitch rant over.

But as the title says what I am learning as an Artist. By doing this competition it’s made me realize I want to improve my craft. I believe I nailed my performance last night. I am very proud of it and the feed back I got from burlesque peers and friends and  audience members was all positive.

My experince overall last night was amazing. And I’m excited about the future in the burlesque scene. P.S. I’m Stage kittening in the Ottawa Burlesque Festival this weekend. Super excited to see some of my burlesque peers and the International headliners that will be at the festival. If your in town then I suggest you come check it out. You can go to their website here.

Over & Out

……Lights Camera Go

Little update its been about a minute or so since I’ve written anything of substance. Just haven’t felt like writing anything really. Samethings goes for YouTube in fact I’m taking a break from it. On to the news I do want to share. The job front is slow but things are moving at the rate they are supposed to. I’ll be taking a few classes on Microsoft Word as well Microsoft Excel. So I’m happy about that.

A friend of mine who’s a country singer asked me to be apart of his CD booklet alongside some other fabulous people so I said yes and I’m posing as my alter ego aka burlesque dancer. In fact it’s my 1950’s house wife look. I’m excited to see some of the photos they took.

Also I’ll be competing in Burlesque Idol next Wednesday and if I win than I’ll be able to perform on the main stage at Ottawa Burlesque Festival in one of the nights that’s happening next weekend. There will be four judges at Burlesque Idol so that’s not going to be nerve wracking  at all (smirk). I’ve been adding to my one costume with more feathers on the robe as well I bought all new rhinestones to use on the garter belt. I first ordered from British Columbia which are dmc but because they hadn’t come in I went to  Michaels Arts And Crafts Superstore and got some Swarovski Crystal Flatback Rhinestones in red. But then got a call this afternoon from my dad telling me the ones I had ordered from B.C. Came in which of course I’m thrilled about.

The garter belt is skirted so that’s where the rhinestones will be applied. I’ve already glued some of the red ones on it. And Sunday when I see my folks I’ll pick the other ones up and Monday I’ll finish rhinestoning. Tuesday I have a burlesque show that I typically perform at every two weeks. So my plan is to do the routine that I’ll be doing for burlesque Idol that night. In case some friends can’t make it out that night they get to see it regardless of what day they go too.

I’ve  also included in my bio for the hosts to read that I’m a member of the lgbtq community and a proud trans female. Who believes in being body positive and being proud of who you are. As far as I’m aware I’m the only trans female doing burlesque here in Ottawa. There are trans men who perform as well gender benders, drag kings and everyone else. But I thought if I was more visible than it might let other trans women know if I can do this they can too.

Since performing I’ve never spoke or included in my performer bio that I was trans. It was more like if people figure it out then who cares. Not that I want a light shining on me saying hey look at me. But in the same token the burlesque community has been so welcoming to me and I’m comfortable enough in my own skin to let people know trans women can be just as sensual and provocative as other performers. And give a fantastic show. My act is called Super Sexual and the song I perform to is Touch It by Ariana Grande. I love the song and I’ve performed it enough times now that the crowd loves it. I performed it in Carleton Place when I was there and they loved it. I was also lucky enough to have a bunch of photos taken of me from my last show at The Rainbow Bistro hey turned out amazing and the videographer that usually films the acts for us took photos instead that night.

The one thing that has been fun and interesting at the same time is seeing how the this Act has been added to and changed in the sense of costuming and hair. When I started it I was wearing a long curly grey wig. But it gave me headaches. Then I switched to curling my hair. And now it’s using my Jon Renau Clip Ponytail. I’ve taken the clip out and just use the combs and big bobbie pins to keep it in place over top of my bun. I never lose the curls and I only have to curl my bangs.

Also I’ve added a red hair flower. I added more rhinestones to it for added sparkle. I wish I had the budget like Dita Von Teese as far as rhinestones go but as a friend pointed out “for someone who’s just beginning you’re not doing so bad your self”. That was comforting. Anywho this has been a shit ton of fun and honestly it’s funny but many moons ago in my past life I had hit the stage as a performer of a kind and really didn’t make much of a name for my self. But since doing burlesque I have finally got some where as a performer and it feels awesome.

I also know to stay far away from the drama as possible. I dislike drama and don’t want it in my life and I’ve cut people out who are about it. So I’m trilled about performing in Burlesque Idol and I think it would be so cool to win, I’m not gonna sit here and not say I’d like to. But being able to compete  along side of some burlesque friends of mine who are also new in it is a pleasure and I’m excited to see their acts as well.

I do also want to mention that I’ll be stage kittening at Ottawa Burlesque Festival I did say I would volunteer all three nights, there will be International performers there as well local artists. And as a bonus being able to volunteer I get to see the show for free. So that’s a nice perk though I’ll be on my toes all night running back and forth. I’ve learned to wear flats from the last time I was a kitten at a burlesque show. So there you have it lots going on with that.

I’m working on a special Halloween burlesque act as well and have been making the costume. Some of the rhinestones I ordered from B.C. are for this costume too.

As for my dating life. I don’t currently have one. No boyfriends. Though a friend of mine and I tried to see each other but in the end the timing just wasn’t right he’s got to much on his plate and the poem I wrote about Crossing Paths is about him. Since we have known each other which has been well over ten years the timing has just never been right. However our friendship is quite strong so I’m happy we have that at least. And I love him 😍 and always will. Sometimes friendships are more valuable than having nothing at all.

Oh one more thing. I won’t be using semi dyes anymore after using the Dark Vibrant Auburn color and it permanently dying most of my hair but washed out the ends. I think maybe some of those glosses may work or may not I’m confused about them. I did use a dark gloss to cover the red bits.

But I think going forward I’ll just use permanent dye and call it a day and or go to a salon and have them do it for me periodically. At the moment tho I’m leaving the color it is alone. I’m still doing my scalps massages with coconut oil lol.

So there you have it my most up to date post.

 

When You Feel Good, You Look Good & People Notice

Yesterday I did an old workout it was my walking dvd Leslie Sansone’s Walk Away the Pounds: 7-Day Calorie Blast. I used to use this when I was fat. Anyways I had lent it to someone and just recently got it back. I’ve included it back into my workout routine so far I do it once a week and then do a 7 min workout later in the week including the two walks a day Diva gets.

Today I had an appointment downtown and thought I’d get fairly dressed up for it. But every where I went I had people taking notice to me. And it felt pretty freaking awesome. Like I got noticed way more today for some reason. I mean I felt great and I also know I looked great not to sound conceited but yeah. And I’m loving wearing my hair in the style it’s currently in even my bangs I’m loving all because I’ve changed up how they hang.

And can we just take a moment and say wow the color turned out amazing on my hair lol 😂. A fellow Instagram friend said they love me in dark hair and you know something I love it too. My makeup also turned out really well, I did something a little different to my eye makeup and I really like how it turned out.

Also my new favourite foundation applicator is my finger. It’s clean of course but I just find it super easy to apply and super easy to wash. And I the finish is the same if not better with my Marcelle Flawless Foundation.

Happy Tuesday Everyone!

 

Health Update

So those weird spots I was getting where they were mini rashes, they looked like bug bites it turns out from what I’ve been reading it’s from gluten. To be  specific it’s called Dermatitis herpetiformis which is “celiac disease of the skin”. It is a chronic skin condition with a characteristic rash with intense itching and burning sensations.

Which would explain what I’ve been getting. Since I’ve stopped eating buns and have really cut back on pasta and what not I haven’t had any more rashes. Or spots of any kind. I’m still supposed to go see a dermatologist but I have another appointment with my family doctor next week. I do plan to bring this up to him.

Check out the info on DH Here

I originally cut out breads and buns and that sort of thing when my IBS was really acting up. But then it went away and I have been introducing them back into my diet more regularly this year. But then it’s this year that I’ve been getting these rashes and what not. I mean I have photos that you would be shocked to see how bad it has got.

Honestly it’s been pretty nasty. My doctor had given me hardcore Mometasone Cream 0.1% but honestly it didn’t help with this. Not a ton of help to be honest. He had also had me take a antihistamine which I took for about a week. But after doing some serious reading and found that information on DM a little light bulb 💡 went off and it’s like nope this makes perfect sense.

Also my IBS made its ugly face appear. Two days ago I was in excruciating pain my  stomach was full of gas I had severe cramps. My tummy swelled up so much I looked pregos. I took two bascopan pills and it went away. I had salmon and veg for dinner but the veg had Broccoli and Collie flower and green beans which usually I’ve had in the past with no problems. I honestly thought I had kicked IBS but nope. So now I have to go back and watch what veg I’m eating. So much for eating almost anything I wanted.

Id like to mention to that when I was in Montreal I tried to drink a beer a light one but nonetheless my system wasn’t having any of it because it was making me bloated. So No more beer for me for a while which sucks because there are three different kinds of 🍺 beers I enjoy and now I have to cut them out of my life.

So that is the latest. I think by cutting out breads and buns and cutting down on pastas and that sort of thing I won’t have to suffer through those rashes again. And for the IBS I just need to watch what vegetables I consume. It’s funny because IBS comes and it goes.

Oh the joys

Everyone Has A Voice

In a world where everyone possesses a voice and a thought and an opinion. It can get overwhelming at times. When seeing the news and seeing police officers killing very many innocent people in the states or going to extreme forces with people with only a knife like what was done in Toronto. Makes me all upset and makes me wonder what the fuck is wrong with people.

The gay pride parade was about a protest from the get go then really why should it be such a big deal now that one group protests now?. I think and I can only speak for my self but living in the nations capital of Canada. I believe that the group at hand which is BLM should be able to walk in the pride parade and protest just like any other group however I don’t agree with keeping it up. That all being said. Masses need to change their thought process.

Guidelines In men in authority need to change. Better background checks need to be taken place when highering people as well sensitivity training. Also one thing I can’t stand which has zilch to do with BLM. Per say Is why is it if your white and you perform a crazy crime like go into a school and kill a bunch of students your considered mentally ill but if your a person of colour and you do the same thing your automatically labeled a terrorist. I just don’t think it’s fare. I too do not agree at all with the shit white people of authority do to people of color like going after people who do nothing wrong but just walk down the street minding their own business and being harassed for no reason at all.

We need to express more love and acceptance of all people. There needs to be a positive change and we need to love everyone, period. We all bleed the same color blood after all. We breathe the same air. We all have feelings and emotions. And we all have beating hearts ♥️. We are not all that different from each other. But the divide and all the negativity is what is really separating each and every one of us. The past can’t be changed but the future can be. We need to work as one in order for things to shift.

I care & hope things get better before I pass. That would be so great to see! There is but to much negativity happening right now. Even going on Facebook gets me sad at times.

Serenity & Love

Ottawa Trans March

So it takes place every year and every year I don’t go mainly because I don’t feel the need to walk down the street and be like look at me I’m trans. I feel odd doing something like that, I suppose because I’ve never not felt not included with just the regular Pride Parade. I mean my own little view on Pride, it’s self is kinda bent. I say this because my view on the whole community, it’s self isn’t amazing. And this stems from when I was first introduced to the Toronto gay community when I was about 14-15 years of age.

I was told then that it was one big happy family and everyone was so welcoming and awesome and then the cold shock of that’s not how it really was. I was treated, then like a fresh slice of meat 🍖. Even back then living as a gay male who was overtly feminine. Nobody wanted to date me hardly and all I was good for being sex. There actually wasn’t much of a community and I felt most the time like the outcast. Yes, I walked in a few Parades mainly in drag.

I was very much a throwing it in your face type of personality back then. And the more shit I got from people the louder I became. A great deal of the things I did was for shock value and to get any kind of attention.

But once I switched genders, it was to blend into the crowd as much as possible. Even though I was tall standing at 6’2. All I desired to do was blend in with the rest of Society. Which honestly, I do for the most part. I like not standing out. But I also don’t need a March to be proud of who I am.

That being said I’ve been doing a great deal of self growth as of lately. My views on the whole of the alphabetical community is slowly shifting. Last year I skipped the Ottawa Pride Parade mainly being over it. The year before I was on a trans float. This year I travelled to my first Montreal Pride as well walked in it with RBC Bank & My Best Friend. Last night I decided to at last minute walk in the Trans March with a few allies. Though I don’t suppose it needed to be in the evening it was a pretty big turn out of people I was pleasantly surprised with how many trans and such came out.

I frankly didn’t think Ottawa had many trans folks. Which proves just how little I am aware of. When you’re used to your own bubble and circle of friends to then be apart of something like that it’s kinda mind blowing. I was glad I went, but it’s not something I’ll probably do again. Frankly, it’s not really my thing, but I am happy I experienced it.

I didn’t truly like the route they chose, one street was way too far away from the village and they could have picked a closer park to meet at. That’s my personal opinion on the location. As well the speakers went on to long, but overall the walk it’s self was alright. Also one of the people chanting I couldn’t understand half of what they were going on about. But other than that it was a good March.

The conclusion is getting out of your comfort zone. It feels good to experience things even if it’s scary. Nobody said you have to do it more than one time. And yet though my thought process on pride is still bent a little. Hopefully the alphabet community will become less superficially fake before I die and more of a welcoming community for the new generations to come.

Happy Pride 🏳️‍🌈

Dear People

Recently there has been a ton of negativity regarding some groups,

Then there are some bad apples

There are also
Bad Doctors
Bad Nurses
Bad babysitters
Bad Governments

&

Very Bad Presidents

But with all the bad, there is also a great deal of good.

A lot of respectable people in uniform. Who help people every day from break ins, to fires, to bad people on the streets that harm kids. Who is harmed significant others. That harm people of all sorts. Who help dying people, who help drug addicts who accidentally overdose.

Not everyone who wears a uniform are bad people. With all the negativity in news outlets to twitter to Facebook and beyond I’d merely like to say I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of the negativity that these groups are putting out there to not work together but to split up each other. By not working together, you are merely going back not forward.

I get it some members of the Society have been done wrong, but don’t you dare for a minute blame each and everyone for a mistake that a small number people have behaved. It is not everyone’s fault for that person’s error. You learn from it. Grow from it and forgive. It may take time and heck you may never fully overcome it, but why can’t we work together to fix things right then to divide and take steps back.

As a member of the minority group being a member of the fucking alphabet. I sent a message to the Ottawa Police Service to thank them for all the good they have executed. Could sensitivity training be more implemented, yes of course. Should they do better screening when it comes to hiring people who wear a badge of authority you bet your ass. But we need to work together as a society in order to move forward.

If we can’t work together, then how do we go forward???.