You’re Not Here

It’s still so surreal that you’re not here

This new routine I have is so weird

Your face is ingrained in my memory

I see a photo or video and my thoughts flash to that time

I miss you everyday

I stay out late now

No returning to feed you or give water

No brushing or clipping of your nails

No waking up beside you because you’re not there

Saying your name gives me comfort

Morning & Night

When I leave and come back

It brings me comfort like your still here

but you’re not

I miss you everyday

Its so different being on my own

Though I’m getting more comfortable

It’s still surreal that you’re not here

You’re Not Here

By

Lana Poulson

Advertisements

Torn Heart

Tightness in chest
Empty dog bed
No pitter patter
No good morning chatter
Empty feeling
Torn heart
Alone

No heavy breathing
No dog bowl to fill
No sound of the leash clicking
No extra sound

I miss my baby
I miss talking to her
I miss our routine

Alone
Torn heart
Empty feeling
No good evening chatter
No pitter patter
Empty dog bed
Tightness in chest

Worthless

Every time a man uses me for sex a small part of my soul dies.

When I’m used for sex and not treated with respect my self-esteem becomes worthless

I feel worthless

Men who want one thing from me makes me feel worthless

How does one feel like they matter when they are always used to being treated as less than. When you desire love but don’t receive it. When the men you attract don’t see you as human.

An object for their sexual pleasure. Once they get what they want they throw you aside like yesterday’s trash.

They make you feel like you’re the problem, you’re the crazy one, You’re  the one with issues.

People who say you should love yourself in order to receive love from others. But what if what you receive isn’t love at all, it’s bullshit, it’s false, it’s the worthless shit they put upon you.

I have used online dating thinking I may meet a legit nice guy but 99% of the time it’s men who want to use this body for their own sexual desires and then toss it aside after they have gotten what they wanted.

How does one not feel worthless after?

Worthless

by

Lana Poulson

Scrolling

Scrolling

Liking

Happy smile 😊

Thumbs up 👍

Passing by

Laughing in my head but not out loud 😂

I can never un see that

Poke

Heart

Stories keep adding

Nobody really talking

Your busy, I’m busy we’re all busy

Photo snapping

Uploading

Perfect places

Perfect faces

Editing to perfection

Lonely  😞 people

Lonely stories

Empty Photos

Amazing memories

Share, share, share

Commenting, laughing, video watching

Live Feeds

Add this person, add that person, maybe you know each other maybe you don’t

Lets be  distant  friends

Pen-pals the new wave 🌊

No more letters being mailed

Just a simple finger swipe, let’s just type

One minute two minute, three minute more

An hour has gone by and your still swiping, clicking, liking.

Scrolling

By

Lana Poulson

Crossing Paths

 

So long ago our paths crossed

Strong connection but never matching

Time goes by ever so quickly

It kinda sucks our time never meets up

Your lips meet mine

It feels so right

Why can’t time ever be right?

We mesh so well our bodies intoxicating

An orgasmic feeling never felt before

Time is never on our sides

Crossing Paths

By

Lana Poulson

Puppy Love

My four-legged furry friend

You came to me as a little ball of fur

You held my secrets close to your heart

&

Didn’t tell a soul

We spent hours together playing, walking and talking

You were there for me through thick and thin

When I wanted to give up on life you made me stick around.

Today my heart is heavy

My world is going to be lonely

My best-friend & longest relationship is ending

You’ve become older

Your time has finally come

The Angels arms are open

Rainbow Bridge is awaiting your arrival

Green Grass, Azure Blue Waters

Beautiful sunny sky

Go play with the other side

As I close my eyes and feel you slip away

I know in my heart

We will see each other again some day

Puppy Love

By

Lana Poulson

My Bad Dream

I seem to always have it

Every time she leaves

But once I get her back

I feel at total ease

Shes been through everything

All my ups and downs

Shes been by my side

When I’m feeling down

I love her more than words can say

I think I’d feel lost without her

If she ever went astray

There s nothing more powerful

Than the bond between

Owner & Pooch

But every time she’s away from me

I get bad dreams

They are always about her leaving my side

Getting loose

Getting sick

Eventually passing away

It makes me sad

It makes me speak in my sleep

Once I wake I feel at total ease

When I see her fast asleep

I love her more than words can say

My Bad Dream

By

Lana Poulson

Contentment

I used to feel lonely 😭

because I was single

always wanting someone to complete me

I’ve spent years searching online

going on endless dates

Slept with many short falls

having few relationships

that were not the perfect fit

The realization was real

to think I could be alone forever

Then one day I started to love ❤️ myself

whole heartedly

Leaving online

knowing I’ll meet my man

out in the real world 🌎

when the timing is just right

Right now

I’m 😌 content.

Though I still feel lonely at times

I’m human

Contentment

by

Lana Poulson