Owning Your Body!

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So I’m not entirely sure but I think one of the reasons I wanted to lose weight was to get my body back to where it once was but better. Also last month of last year I’ve been working on putting together a Burlesque costume for my first burlesque performance that’s happening next week.

For me burlesque is a celebration of the body. Accepting it for what it is as well of course the art of burlesque. I’ve spent hours on creating the costume as well practising the song over and over and over again. And let me tell you it’s not super easy!. Having to basically remove clothes to a song looks easy but it’s not. But it’s super fun.

I’m also pushing my self to do something that’s out there, out of my comfort zone. Also there is this scar on my tummy that I’ve always disliked it’s fairly large. And I’m going to bare it and embrace it and love it. And even though nobody will really care because at the end of all of it it’s in my head and they will be watching all of me not be focusing on that. I’m doing this to totally embrace and love my body for what it is.

This year is about taking my body back, becoming the best I can be. And that I’m worth more than I’ve allowed my self to be in the past. Loving my self for who I am all my  quirks and stretch marks and all that Jazz. I’ve also decided to be celibate this year and hold out till I meet my guy. The guy I’m supposed to meet. That should be pretty easy to do since dating apps aren’t for me and I got rid of all friends with benefits bye bye suckers 😂 lol.

I’m sorta anti men right now. As I was telling a girlfriend of mine last night, I just don’t want anyone touching me or vice versa when it comes to anything romantic. I’m eating pretty darn healthy and I’m really excited for 2017.

I’m still working out 🏋 and feel pretty good about my body, heck my size 2s are fitting fabulously so that’s a plus. Hair is growing nicely. Nails are kinda short but whatever lol. Big things are coming for 2017 and loving my body for what it is has always been a big thing for me but I can finally say I do and I keep doing things to love it.

I take my self to the movies by my self. I usually always cook for my self. And am always impressed when I put together a meal 🥘 I’ve never cooked before and it turns out amazing. Also my fashion choices I’m always blown away by when I put an outfit together and it looks amazing. And even when I do my hair and it turns out the way I wanted it to I always feel like wow you look 👍🏻 great.

Everyday is a new fabulous day. I wake up usually always chipper and I am definitely a morning 👩‍💻 person.

P.S. My Body Fucking Rocks!!!!!

Reaching A High Note

Do you ever feel like your high on life?

Well that’s me right now. Today as I was out I had so many people look at me and I couldn’t help but smile. It made me laugh a few times because I feel different. And it has to be noticeable looking at me.

Today was my last session with my therapist. I had a feeling today would be but wasn’t a 100% sure. I had told her I feel different ever since I had my mini reading from Halloween. She said the energy about me is different as well. I had asked if it was possible to see her once a month and she said no how about it be the last. I said okay though if at any time I might need her again I can call. She thought I was ready to stop a while ago but wanted me to say it.

Then after seeing her I walked to catch my bus home again people were looking at me almost like there was a light shining on my face. As I wait for the bus and chat to a friend on my headset this guy comes up and asks me for the time. I share the time with him and then he says “You have the most beautiful eyes and face, if you have a boyfriend or husband they are very lucky”. I thanked him.

My makeup today isn’t anything special

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I guess the energy I give off now is pretty major. It’s a pretty awesome feeling when you’re in a self acceptance love yourself zone. And you know your self-worth is more than what you have been getting from the past and you know your worth amazing things. I don’t want to sound weird but I feel fucking fantastic.

Positive thinking will take you places.

Hello 152lbs & Self Worth

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So I recently weighed my self at my parents and their scale put me at 152lbs. Very happy about that why because I was getting really skinny there for a moment and it was a little concerning. But I’m happy to report that I’m gaining a little weight which is nice. I never wanted to get so thin that I looked unhealthy. I’m very pleased with the weight loss that I lost but it never was my intention to get so skinny I looked sick you know what I mean?. I’d like to gain a few more pounds and be at 155 or even 160lbs.

I have incorporated fish in to my diet. As well ground pork and of course chicken. I’m still eating heathy foods but also cheat a little and will have some peanut butter on soda crackers one of my all time favourite snacks that I used to eat when I was larger. But now when I eat this snack I dont pig out on it. Same with chips it’s all in the portions right?. I have become a pretty good cook I do believe as well a decent baker too.

And even though I had a few stressful days last week, I got over them and made sure it did not keep me from eating or what have you. I feel good, wait I feel pretty amazing with my hair and loving my body and loving my self. You have to feel good about your self and then when you do that you can allow others in whether it be romantically or not. Also that being said you have to know your self-worth and what you will and will not put up with from outside people such as friends or even acquaintances.

Yay to being happy in your body

Over & Out

A Day In The Life Of Me

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From Start To Finish

Wake up anywhere from 7am to 8am only 8 if I slept in. Turn on the radio and listen to the morning show and turn on my iPhone it sits on my docking system with the built-in radio. Say good morning to Miss Diva then hop out of bed, get my outfit and undergarments ready. Walk over to the dresser, blow my nose and then use my nasal spray for allergies. Then take my vitamins and probiotic. Then head to the bathroom use it and then brush my teeth, get my towel ready for when I step out of the shower.

After my shower I put lotion on and my undergarments. And then face cream of some sort. Then head to the bedroom put on my clothes. Then take my two mones aka hormones. From there I get my iPhone ready to listen to music before getting Diva ready for our morning walk. I drink the rest of my water that I keep for the morning vitamins about two cups worth. Oh and also put on lip balm.

Then I put on Divas t-shirt and harness and collar, grab my keys and lock up but not without making sure it’s locked. Head to the elevators and head down to go out side. We will typically walk for about five songs worth or so which is roughly about 20 – 25 minute walk.

Diva does her business and then we walk back by that time I’m getting hungry. So we take her clothes off. Head to the kitchen and I start preparing breakfast, I brush her teeth then get her food ready, she gets a morning treat. Then I put my coffee maker on, get my cereal in a bowl and a yogurt from the fridge. Though I will change it up and sometimes do a bagel with an egg or a bagel with peanut butter jam and honey, or waffles like I had earlier this week. But my typical go to is cereal with yogurt.

I also love my Keurig coffee maker and will have a cup of coffee in the morning. I then put on the tv while getting everything ready and if I’m back in time catch the last bit of Canada Am morning show. Other wise Live With Kelly & Michael will be on at 9am. To which then I’ll eat my breakfast and then check my emails,Facebook, Okcupid & Word Press.

From there I’ll watch tv till the afternoon news. I also watch The Marilyn Show at 10am then The View at 11am and at 12noon the news. Depending on the day if I don’t have a doctors appointment and don’t get together with my friend that lives in my building. I’ll ether do yoga, or take diva for a long afternoon walk depending on the weather if it’s not to hot out. From there I’ll ether blog, or read a little, cook a big batch of food if in the mood or bake as I did yesterday waiting on people to install a heating box checker. I made from scratch my new favourite Pecan Chocolate Chip Banana Bread.

On Fridays I clean my apartment in the morning which takes about an hour. And today I’m sick with a cold so this morning I did everything I do in the mornings but I went out to get day/night quill, as well a few things at the dollar store that I needed and more dry senior dog food from Pet Smart. Then came home cleaned the apartment and had a sandwich for lunch.

For lunch I eat whatever I’m in the mood for.

On a typical evening depending on my mood I’ll reheat dinner or cook it. From there check emails or watch one of my many shows I have pvrd or maybe a movie I had pvrd that was on earlier in the week. Or a show that’s on that night. And then let diva out one last time around 8:30pm. Then at around 9 get ready for bed wash the face, floss and brush my teeth and then finish watching tv and head to bed anywhere from 10pm to 11pm depending on how tired I am.

Each day is pretty much the same unless I have something planned in the afternoon whether it be doctors appointments or I get out or plans with friends to do something. Other wise it’s pretty much the same everyday. But I’m content with my life at the moment. Can’t really complain. Sure it would be nice to date but it’s not the be all end all of my life. And I’m happy with what I have accomplished. I have yet to jump off my balcony from going insane kidding just kidding. I’m pretty sane compared to others that live in my building hehe 😈.

I’m still thin and workout less sorta though walking is a form of exercise and I do loads of that. I have a full head of hair which is awesome. And Diva is healthy and I have a roof over my head and food in my fridge and pantry and cable and Internet I’m doing pretty darn well all things considered. I’m thankful and blessed. I have amazing family some good friends And it’s good to be me. Can’t ask for anything more. Except this cold I have leaves quickly lol.

Over & Out

Acceptance

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First let me start off saying that this is my view and mine alone. As a transsexual female when finding a partner I look at many qualities some are superficial as in looks and some are qualities that I’m looking for tho that being said I’m sure everyone is like that. That being said one of the most top on the list qualities is that I’m accepted as the person I am. I think everyone at some point is looking for the perfect person for them and that includes their friends and family, it helps when they accept you for who you are.

The guy I was dating in June, looking back at that whole situation and how it went down I believe could have turned out better than it did. The way he told his mother could have been done differently and if it was done differently my over reacting could have not of gone the way it did if I had known a heads up. But the simple fact of him telling her and her accepting me after the fact is what it comes down to and not just his mother but his family that I had met that day.

As a trans person we want to be accepted for who we are. His family their amazing people and they just want him to be happy. And if it’s a trans woman then there happy for him.  I do quickly over react sometimes and sometimes it’s my way or the highway. And I make quick decisions when I panic and I change my mind very quickly on things, it might be part of my learning disabilities and just how I have always been.

It’s very hard dating and being trans because not everyone will accept you for who you are and that also goes for the men. I’m going to keep this very real but most of the guys I have spoken with over the years and most recently just want to fuck. Nothing more nothing less. They don’t want to date they just want to keep it hush hush, or keep it as a secret or use you as the fantasy they see in porn. As for being open about it or even date publicly it’s not something that happens a lot. Though more people are being less concerned with Society and how others view them or see them it’s still not that common.

There is a small handful of men that are willing to date you and see you as the beautiful creature that you are. And I say beautiful creature because we are beautiful in all forms. That being said I had a nice surprise and had a lovely phone conversation with the guy I was seeing in June. We got some things cleared up and I’m thankful that we have reconnected once again. Going forward I’m going to do a few things differently keeping relationship type things a little more private and not putting all my dirty laundry online. But getting back to this post acceptance is what we all want and if someone is willing to accept you and their friends are accepting of you and their family. Life does not get really any better than that. Nobody is perfect but people have qualities that everyone is looking for and who wants to date someone who is the same as your self. People are different and it’s good to be different.

Be thankful if you are truly accepted at the end of the day that’s what we all want.

Be well

Over & Out

 

Dreams

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Have you ever had one of those dreams you swear it was real. Like so real you could touch the person that was in your dream. Well I woke this morning with a huge grin on my face. This dream felt so real I could remember the whole thing and when I woke I was almost laughing. There was a guy in my dream I know what he looked like his eye colour everything but maybe it’s because I know who the guy is. But he did the sweetest thing he wrote a poem I had written but put a sweet message between the lines you had to be in the dream but it was so sweet and made my heart flutter and we kissed. It was so awww. But also so funny that I would be having this dream after the last few days being so shitty. I guess it’s my mind needing something positive either way it was one of the best dreams I’ve had yet and I remembered the whole thing which is even more amazing. Because I don’t typically remember all of my dreams. Anyways it’s put me into a wonderful mood and I’m glad about that.

Over & Out

 

Change Yourself

So true

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Change

How many times have we attempt the impossible and tried to change other people – but attempting this is a waste of time!

I can’t tell you how many times I have tried to change other people and I have failed. There was one person in particular with whom I am very close; this person was not happy with their life, they were bored and lonely. For years I tried to change them, to help them lead a more productive life.

It Did Not Work
Guess what, it didn’t work. I just ended up being frustrated, until I realized that I couldn’t change them until they changed themselves.

As much as we want to, we all need to understand you truly cannot change other people.

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” – Leo Tolstoy

Think About This
Think of a time when you…

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Loving You For Who You Are

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Lately I have had some trouble with my own demons. I have decided to just stay being me and stay the way that I am, no more surgery’s staying different and loving my self for who I am. With today’s society sometimes its a little more difficult and this whole trans road is not an easy one I can for sure attest to that.

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With even more thought and some good old reading and what not I need to just accept me for me for how I am now. And with that I went looking on Google Images for some inspirational sayings and quotes. And here are some that I love. I made a full album on my Facebook so if I need to look at them I can easily. But here are some of my favorites and this goes for anyone who have self doubts or are having a hard time with self acceptance and self-love.

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You are perfect the way you are. There is no need to make any major changes. If you can be happy with the body you have then you are saving your self from possible negative things later on. Of course this has to do with the last few posts I had posted. Which I have since taken down. If I could snap my finger and be the person I wish I could have been instead of taking this path I would do it in a heart beat. But since I can’t, I don’t think having more surgery is going to make any much of a difference for me anyways. And on the health risk scale it’s just not wise for me.

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Self acceptance has always been a problem for me ever since I was little. I was told by my mother that she used to have me look in the mirror and repeat to my self that I loved me. And I never did. To this day I have those same moments but they are different because though I love my self I don’t always accept my self for being the unique person that I am.

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And I need to start doing this. I think also too that I may have a little bit of Body Dysmorphia Disorder and I’m pretty sure all trans people have a little bit of this if not some worse than others. I mean if you read some of the write-up about it you would see that many trans people are pretty close in this sense.

For More Info On BDD Go Here Or wait for my next blog.

We tend to fixate on different body parts and such and are always wanting to change things almost obsessively. Never being happy with our selves. And I think for most of us we want to change our body’s to how we think they need to be but in reality sometimes its just not possible because your running away from something then just accepting it for what it is. I am well aware the need to make a change but I think if you can learn to be happy with the body you have then your already a winner.

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Over & Out

Self Acceptence

This is more in relation to being trans and being happy with the body that I have right now. I hate surgery and the down time that goes with it. At times such as recently I would like different body parts down below but know that in my case things would be just to risky. And the out comes are not always perfect.

Recently there was a great inspirational post on Facebook. That I really needed to see.

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I’ve always had problems with my gender who I was as a person and so forth. To be honest just by looking at me you would think I had everything together but to this very day I still struggle with who I am and who I want to become. Living in a body you were not assigned at birth and have the brain as the opposite gender is tough. This road of living as a transgender person is not an easy one at all.

As it stands and on paper I’m female, I’ve had two succesful surgeries, I have an amazing wonderful boyfriend, good friends and an amazing family support network. So why do I still struggle with my gender you think If I only knew. Heck I know people who have had gender reassignment surgery and they still have gender dysphoria.

I guess it’s just one of those things. At the end of the day it’s about having self acceptence and know not everything is perfect. We are all on this earth for a reason of some sort this I’m still trying to figure out. Though at times I wish I could just wake up tomorrow and be one with my body and who knows maybe some day I will do just that. But at this very moment I still have my confused days of wanting more genital surgery.

And I may always have these thoughts I don’t know when they will stop if ever. But I do know I need to just accept things as they are and be truly happy with my body. It’s all about self acceptance right. Accepting your self for who and what you are. There really is no right or wrong answer. Just love your self for who you are which is human.

Over & Out