Fall In Love 😍

With yourself first and than the vibe you will give off to others will have them fall for you. A friend I was speaking with yesterday was talking about how she’s sick of being alone and single and she doesn’t exactly possess the best self love.

And so I told her:

“Well I know I’m sure your sick of hearing this but you need to start falling in love with your self. Learn to love who you are and then the vibe you will give off will be that your more open to have people love you for you. It’s not an over night thing.”

I honestly believe these statements to be true. When I began to think differently about myself and hold myself to a higher level. The vibe I give off is a whole heap better than it was. Before people would never sit next to me on public transit it was like I had a bubble around me. And till my thought process changed.

I too believe that dating apps/sites are useless. It’s a very fake online world 🌎. And from my own personal experience It just never truly worked for me. I know by making myself go out there is when I’ll meet people. Running into people more organically and in natural settings than those time wasting sites and apps.

I genuinely think you need to love yourself first and try to focus on you first and when your time is right that’s when you will meet the right person. Also value yourself, know your worth more than maybe others have made you feel, you are important and you deserve better than the shit you have had to put up with.

Fall in love 😍 with yourself!

Advertisements

Clarity

I finally have a real sense of clarity with how my body is. When I would talk to some people and or watch a show on gender surgeries it would bring up feelings of being  inadequate and that I had to conform to how society is.

Last weekend when I was at my parents home I was watching an episode of I Am Jazz on TLC. She is going to be getting confirmation surgery. After watching the show I felt happy for her that she needs to get said surgery to feel comfortable in her skin.

But I didn’t feel like I usually do when I watch such shows. I felt fine. I felt content 😌  within. For once I feel perfectly perfect with my body. The clarity is that you don’t need to conform to fit in with everyone. I feel beautiful. I feel great & life is fucking awesome.

Fall in love with your self first and love will come your way.

Tinker Bell

You always think your closest friends will be around for a long time and then you find out that one of them is sick with a terminal illness. The reality that they wont be around for a long time then sinks in and you realize life is short.

I had the pleasure of spending some much needed time with a friend this past weekend. I have known him for around 13 years but it seems way longer than that. He is someone who fully supported me from the get go. When I met him he was loud and I thought obnoxious lol but he has the best personality and he’s a super fun loving guy.

He is a one in a million and when I found out he had stage 3 lupus I was torn to say the least. He was putting on a fundraising event as well it was a celebration of life party. He asked me if I would come and be a part of it and right away I said yes.

I spent time with his family as well friends. I performed burlesque beside the drag performers that are also his friends. We raised a bunch of money for Lupus Canada as well for him. We laughed, we cried, we took selfies like they were going out of style hehe.

It was probably one of the best weekends I’ve had as well hardest weekends. You just don’t think you will out live any of your friends.

One of his favourite Disney characters is Tinker Bell hes loved her since I met him. Well as a memorial I decided to use the money I was paid towards a tattoo of her with his initials in his favourite colour purple also he is a drag performer and so I put his drag name initials as well.

I love all the colours and how its water coloured she turned out really beautiful.

I love my friends and they mean the world to be so when his time comes and I lose him ill always have a reminder. The good thing is he’s not gone yet! and so my plan is to spend more time with him.

True friends last a life time.

Owning Your Body!

img_5167

So I’m not entirely sure but I think one of the reasons I wanted to lose weight was to get my body back to where it once was but better. Also last month of last year I’ve been working on putting together a Burlesque costume for my first burlesque performance that’s happening next week.

For me burlesque is a celebration of the body. Accepting it for what it is as well of course the art of burlesque. I’ve spent hours on creating the costume as well practising the song over and over and over again. And let me tell you it’s not super easy!. Having to basically remove clothes to a song looks easy but it’s not. But it’s super fun.

I’m also pushing my self to do something that’s out there, out of my comfort zone. Also there is this scar on my tummy that I’ve always disliked it’s fairly large. And I’m going to bare it and embrace it and love it. And even though nobody will really care because at the end of all of it it’s in my head and they will be watching all of me not be focusing on that. I’m doing this to totally embrace and love my body for what it is.

This year is about taking my body back, becoming the best I can be. And that I’m worth more than I’ve allowed my self to be in the past. Loving my self for who I am all my  quirks and stretch marks and all that Jazz. I’ve also decided to be celibate this year and hold out till I meet my guy. The guy I’m supposed to meet. That should be pretty easy to do since dating apps aren’t for me and I got rid of all friends with benefits bye bye suckers 😂 lol.

I’m sorta anti men right now. As I was telling a girlfriend of mine last night, I just don’t want anyone touching me or vice versa when it comes to anything romantic. I’m eating pretty darn healthy and I’m really excited for 2017.

I’m still working out 🏋 and feel pretty good about my body, heck my size 2s are fitting fabulously so that’s a plus. Hair is growing nicely. Nails are kinda short but whatever lol. Big things are coming for 2017 and loving my body for what it is has always been a big thing for me but I can finally say I do and I keep doing things to love it.

I take my self to the movies by my self. I usually always cook for my self. And am always impressed when I put together a meal 🥘 I’ve never cooked before and it turns out amazing. Also my fashion choices I’m always blown away by when I put an outfit together and it looks amazing. And even when I do my hair and it turns out the way I wanted it to I always feel like wow you look 👍🏻 great.

Everyday is a new fabulous day. I wake up usually always chipper and I am definitely a morning 👩‍💻 person.

P.S. My Body Fucking Rocks!!!!!

Reaching A High Note

Do you ever feel like your high on life?

Well that’s me right now. Today as I was out I had so many people look at me and I couldn’t help but smile. It made me laugh a few times because I feel different. And it has to be noticeable looking at me.

Today was my last session with my therapist. I had a feeling today would be but wasn’t a 100% sure. I had told her I feel different ever since I had my mini reading from Halloween. She said the energy about me is different as well. I had asked if it was possible to see her once a month and she said no how about it be the last. I said okay though if at any time I might need her again I can call. She thought I was ready to stop a while ago but wanted me to say it.

Then after seeing her I walked to catch my bus home again people were looking at me almost like there was a light shining on my face. As I wait for the bus and chat to a friend on my headset this guy comes up and asks me for the time. I share the time with him and then he says “You have the most beautiful eyes and face, if you have a boyfriend or husband they are very lucky”. I thanked him.

My makeup today isn’t anything special

img_4571

I guess the energy I give off now is pretty major. It’s a pretty awesome feeling when you’re in a self acceptance love yourself zone. And you know your self-worth is more than what you have been getting from the past and you know your worth amazing things. I don’t want to sound weird but I feel fucking fantastic.

Positive thinking will take you places.

Hello 152lbs & Self Worth

image

So I recently weighed my self at my parents and their scale put me at 152lbs. Very happy about that why because I was getting really skinny there for a moment and it was a little concerning. But I’m happy to report that I’m gaining a little weight which is nice. I never wanted to get so thin that I looked unhealthy. I’m very pleased with the weight loss that I lost but it never was my intention to get so skinny I looked sick you know what I mean?. I’d like to gain a few more pounds and be at 155 or even 160lbs.

I have incorporated fish in to my diet. As well ground pork and of course chicken. I’m still eating heathy foods but also cheat a little and will have some peanut butter on soda crackers one of my all time favourite snacks that I used to eat when I was larger. But now when I eat this snack I dont pig out on it. Same with chips it’s all in the portions right?. I have become a pretty good cook I do believe as well a decent baker too.

And even though I had a few stressful days last week, I got over them and made sure it did not keep me from eating or what have you. I feel good, wait I feel pretty amazing with my hair and loving my body and loving my self. You have to feel good about your self and then when you do that you can allow others in whether it be romantically or not. Also that being said you have to know your self-worth and what you will and will not put up with from outside people such as friends or even acquaintances.

Yay to being happy in your body

Over & Out

A Day In The Life Of Me

image

From Start To Finish

Wake up anywhere from 7am to 8am only 8 if I slept in. Turn on the radio and listen to the morning show and turn on my iPhone it sits on my docking system with the built-in radio. Say good morning to Miss Diva then hop out of bed, get my outfit and undergarments ready. Walk over to the dresser, blow my nose and then use my nasal spray for allergies. Then take my vitamins and probiotic. Then head to the bathroom use it and then brush my teeth, get my towel ready for when I step out of the shower.

After my shower I put lotion on and my undergarments. And then face cream of some sort. Then head to the bedroom put on my clothes. Then take my two mones aka hormones. From there I get my iPhone ready to listen to music before getting Diva ready for our morning walk. I drink the rest of my water that I keep for the morning vitamins about two cups worth. Oh and also put on lip balm.

Then I put on Divas t-shirt and harness and collar, grab my keys and lock up but not without making sure it’s locked. Head to the elevators and head down to go out side. We will typically walk for about five songs worth or so which is roughly about 20 – 25 minute walk.

Diva does her business and then we walk back by that time I’m getting hungry. So we take her clothes off. Head to the kitchen and I start preparing breakfast, I brush her teeth then get her food ready, she gets a morning treat. Then I put my coffee maker on, get my cereal in a bowl and a yogurt from the fridge. Though I will change it up and sometimes do a bagel with an egg or a bagel with peanut butter jam and honey, or waffles like I had earlier this week. But my typical go to is cereal with yogurt.

I also love my Keurig coffee maker and will have a cup of coffee in the morning. I then put on the tv while getting everything ready and if I’m back in time catch the last bit of Canada Am morning show. Other wise Live With Kelly & Michael will be on at 9am. To which then I’ll eat my breakfast and then check my emails,Facebook, Okcupid & Word Press.

From there I’ll watch tv till the afternoon news. I also watch The Marilyn Show at 10am then The View at 11am and at 12noon the news. Depending on the day if I don’t have a doctors appointment and don’t get together with my friend that lives in my building. I’ll ether do yoga, or take diva for a long afternoon walk depending on the weather if it’s not to hot out. From there I’ll ether blog, or read a little, cook a big batch of food if in the mood or bake as I did yesterday waiting on people to install a heating box checker. I made from scratch my new favourite Pecan Chocolate Chip Banana Bread.

On Fridays I clean my apartment in the morning which takes about an hour. And today I’m sick with a cold so this morning I did everything I do in the mornings but I went out to get day/night quill, as well a few things at the dollar store that I needed and more dry senior dog food from Pet Smart. Then came home cleaned the apartment and had a sandwich for lunch.

For lunch I eat whatever I’m in the mood for.

On a typical evening depending on my mood I’ll reheat dinner or cook it. From there check emails or watch one of my many shows I have pvrd or maybe a movie I had pvrd that was on earlier in the week. Or a show that’s on that night. And then let diva out one last time around 8:30pm. Then at around 9 get ready for bed wash the face, floss and brush my teeth and then finish watching tv and head to bed anywhere from 10pm to 11pm depending on how tired I am.

Each day is pretty much the same unless I have something planned in the afternoon whether it be doctors appointments or I get out or plans with friends to do something. Other wise it’s pretty much the same everyday. But I’m content with my life at the moment. Can’t really complain. Sure it would be nice to date but it’s not the be all end all of my life. And I’m happy with what I have accomplished. I have yet to jump off my balcony from going insane kidding just kidding. I’m pretty sane compared to others that live in my building hehe 😈.

I’m still thin and workout less sorta though walking is a form of exercise and I do loads of that. I have a full head of hair which is awesome. And Diva is healthy and I have a roof over my head and food in my fridge and pantry and cable and Internet I’m doing pretty darn well all things considered. I’m thankful and blessed. I have amazing family some good friends And it’s good to be me. Can’t ask for anything more. Except this cold I have leaves quickly lol.

Over & Out

Acceptance

image

 

First let me start off saying that this is my view and mine alone. As a transsexual female when finding a partner I look at many qualities some are superficial as in looks and some are qualities that I’m looking for tho that being said I’m sure everyone is like that. That being said one of the most top on the list qualities is that I’m accepted as the person I am. I think everyone at some point is looking for the perfect person for them and that includes their friends and family, it helps when they accept you for who you are.

The guy I was dating in June, looking back at that whole situation and how it went down I believe could have turned out better than it did. The way he told his mother could have been done differently and if it was done differently my over reacting could have not of gone the way it did if I had known a heads up. But the simple fact of him telling her and her accepting me after the fact is what it comes down to and not just his mother but his family that I had met that day.

As a trans person we want to be accepted for who we are. His family their amazing people and they just want him to be happy. And if it’s a trans woman then there happy for him.  I do quickly over react sometimes and sometimes it’s my way or the highway. And I make quick decisions when I panic and I change my mind very quickly on things, it might be part of my learning disabilities and just how I have always been.

It’s very hard dating and being trans because not everyone will accept you for who you are and that also goes for the men. I’m going to keep this very real but most of the guys I have spoken with over the years and most recently just want to fuck. Nothing more nothing less. They don’t want to date they just want to keep it hush hush, or keep it as a secret or use you as the fantasy they see in porn. As for being open about it or even date publicly it’s not something that happens a lot. Though more people are being less concerned with Society and how others view them or see them it’s still not that common.

There is a small handful of men that are willing to date you and see you as the beautiful creature that you are. And I say beautiful creature because we are beautiful in all forms. That being said I had a nice surprise and had a lovely phone conversation with the guy I was seeing in June. We got some things cleared up and I’m thankful that we have reconnected once again. Going forward I’m going to do a few things differently keeping relationship type things a little more private and not putting all my dirty laundry online. But getting back to this post acceptance is what we all want and if someone is willing to accept you and their friends are accepting of you and their family. Life does not get really any better than that. Nobody is perfect but people have qualities that everyone is looking for and who wants to date someone who is the same as your self. People are different and it’s good to be different.

Be thankful if you are truly accepted at the end of the day that’s what we all want.

Be well

Over & Out

 

Dreams

image

Have you ever had one of those dreams you swear it was real. Like so real you could touch the person that was in your dream. Well I woke this morning with a huge grin on my face. This dream felt so real I could remember the whole thing and when I woke I was almost laughing. There was a guy in my dream I know what he looked like his eye colour everything but maybe it’s because I know who the guy is. But he did the sweetest thing he wrote a poem I had written but put a sweet message between the lines you had to be in the dream but it was so sweet and made my heart flutter and we kissed. It was so awww. But also so funny that I would be having this dream after the last few days being so shitty. I guess it’s my mind needing something positive either way it was one of the best dreams I’ve had yet and I remembered the whole thing which is even more amazing. Because I don’t typically remember all of my dreams. Anyways it’s put me into a wonderful mood and I’m glad about that.

Over & Out

 

Change Yourself

So true

inspired4business

Change

How many times have we attempt the impossible and tried to change other people – but attempting this is a waste of time!

I can’t tell you how many times I have tried to change other people and I have failed. There was one person in particular with whom I am very close; this person was not happy with their life, they were bored and lonely. For years I tried to change them, to help them lead a more productive life.

It Did Not Work
Guess what, it didn’t work. I just ended up being frustrated, until I realized that I couldn’t change them until they changed themselves.

As much as we want to, we all need to understand you truly cannot change other people.

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” – Leo Tolstoy

Think About This
Think of a time when you…

View original post 180 more words