What I’m Learning As An Artist 👨‍🎤

What I’m learning is that the people you hoped would support you in your craft such as close friends may not fully support you. But my burlesque friends that I wanted to be at the competition to support me were there which I’m super thankful for.

Last night was one of the biggest nights for me. Competing in a competition in front of four judges, two professional photographers and peers in the burlesque community as well in a club I’ve never been in and in front of a new audience. Was pretty huge and not one single person outside of the burlesque scene who I call friends could come and support me did in fact piss me off!.

What I’ve learned is that yes I’ll keep  promoting events that I’m in but I will stop at inviting people to them. If you choose to go cool, will be nice to see you but I refuse to put any more of my energy into inviting these so called friends to them.

I would prefer people just full on tell me they arnt interesting in going to things such as burlesque events. But to say your going to come then back out last minute is sorta a slap in my face.

Bitch rant over.

But as the title says what I am learning as an Artist. By doing this competition it’s made me realize I want to improve my craft. I believe I nailed my performance last night. I am very proud of it and the feed back I got from burlesque peers and friends and  audience members was all positive.

My experince overall last night was amazing. And I’m excited about the future in the burlesque scene. P.S. I’m Stage kittening in the Ottawa Burlesque Festival this weekend. Super excited to see some of my burlesque peers and the International headliners that will be at the festival. If your in town then I suggest you come check it out. You can go to their website here.

Over & Out


Dear Early Teens You

Please forgive your self.

The future you, the You who is writing to the younger you wants to let you know that your body image dreams do come true. The person you so wanted to become does in fact become a reality. It was not an easy road if anything it was a very hard road with a lot of bumps and curves and bends but it’s brought fun amazing crazy wild moments with it as well.

Id also like to say that where you went the path you went down the mistakes you made, also made you the person who survived the person who took control of where your path went. Even though you made mistakes and even though you had some unfortunate events. You made it out as a stronger individual. You are so much more than you even realize.

You had a hard time sometimes you brought things on your self and other times it was just how the cards were laid out before you. But you made it out onto the other side and became a stronger person.

You are loved

I Love ❤️ You!!!!

The Truth About Permanent Hair Extensions

So if you have been following my blog since last year and or if you’re a new follower to my blog, last year my hair extension quest started to wanting more permanent hair extensions. You see women on Instagram and YouTube and pretty much everywhere women with mermaid long hair.

Clip-in extensions I think only really blend well if you have dark hair but I find it’s harder to blend with lighter hair colors. And though I know my hair is growing at a rapid speed I just wanted to wake up with pretty long down to the boob hair.  Instant gratification.

Did I need to spend the money on such an expensive service NO! But the urge of having long hair was over powering. Now let me just make this clear I suffer from OCD. Things I can’t control bug the life out of me but I am getting better with some things.

Last Tuesday July 5th I made my way toward the salon that I googled as well facebooked I then called from the bus and made an appointment for a  consultation.

At first it was about Great Lengths then I thought about just getting the 11 piece clip-ins. I now wish I just went with the clip-ins but oh no Lana wanted the great lengths. Anyways the stylist and I spoke about great lengths they were cold fusion. I first paid a deposit and then finished paying after it was all said and done.

My hair was washed two times no conditioner. They then blow dry your hair and put zero heat protectant they then flat-iron your hair again no heat protectant. That bothered me but I get it I suppose.

He lightly trimmed my ends saying who ever did it last didn’t make it even and he layered the extensions with my hair. As well layered and thinned out my hair a little.

He then curled my hair with the extensions before sending me on my way.

He told me I couldn’t wash my hair for three days, to stay far away from my coconut oil hair treatments that I do and to not wash my hair for 72 hours so like come Saturday the 9th I could wash it.

I left the salon feeling fabulous and till I got home. The guilt took over and I couldn’t believe I just threw down all that money on hair that was to sit in my head for 3 – 6 months.

imageOnce I was home I wanted to take some snap shots of my super pretty hair.

After the fan blowing and all that fun stuff I then recurled the hair and it curled really easily.

That night though sleeping was extremely uncomfortable the bonds though for the most part were flat I couldn’t sleep all that great. Wednesday came and Wednesday left. Again that sleep was crappy again uncomfortable not only that but having these foreign objects in your head was totally annoying. At least with clip-ins you can remove them. Or a wig for that matter or hair piece you can take it off.

But nope not these they are there and till you go and get them taken out. Or do what I did. Thursday morning I woke annoyed, I took my shower and decided I would wet the extensions and remove the hair spray by washing just the extensions not my roots or the bonds.

I got out of the shower and noticed the pretty wave pattern. But upon air drying and my hair there was a major demarcation line between the end of my hair at the back and the extensions. I was like my hair looks like utter shit. It’s not blending at all and now I’m not even happy WTF.

I sent the salon a message in Facebook saying what happened. I said for the amount of money I spent they should look flawless and they don’t. They told me to call and ask for the stylist who did it and things would get fixed. But I was to embarrassed and didn’t want to be that Client!.

So I went looking on google as well YouTube and such in how to remove them. A lot of the info was that I needed some solution to break down the bonds but then I remember the stylist said to keep away from not just coconut oil but any oil I’m guessing because it breaks down the bonds. I did do a removal bond video on my channel one thing I didn’t mention is that it took me about an hour and a half to remove them also I had half a head of extensions and it was more for length the volume.

I used 100% coconut oil, pliers,two q-tips, hand held mirror and a shit ton of patience oh and in the video I’m watching tv.

Now I’m sure any other women out there might like hot or cold fusion extensions but if you are someone who is anal about foreign objects in their hair or have OCD about certain things permeant hair extensions may not be for you. Sadly this is a very expensive lesson to learn. I’ll stick to cheaper methods of getting long hair instantly by sporting hair pieces or full wigs.

The photos below are after I got those things out of my hair got it washed and then blow dried my hair and hot curl brushed it with heat protectant Thankyou very much lol. Oh no need for a hair trim any time soon thanks!.


Life Update for April

Lordy it’s been very interesting the past few months first things first. I did pay off one of my credit cards and canceled it so proud of my self for doing that. One less debt to worry about.

I had gone on a fun date with one guy that I’m still talking to from time to time. He’s much taller than me and a real funny guy. I do plan to meet up with him again if he comes back to Ottawa or when I go to Toronto when I go to visit friends.

Then there was this other guy that lived pretty far away we had connected and it was going pretty fast. Though we never physically met we did Skype a lot and text and all of that. However more often than not we butted heads and till I decided it was best to part ways.

My hair journey is going well it’s getting pretty long as are my roots. I’m on this new kick of letting my natural color come through. I want to say it’s more of a light brown then a dark brown. I have a lot of colors in my hair though it’s hard not to want to Color my hair because I’m so addicted to it.

Ive started to do Oil Pulling with my favourite natural oil coconut oil, god this stuff is amazing and so versatile. My new plan this year is to pay down my other credit card and enjoy my time with good friends and family and work on my self.


I Still Have LTR Dreams


So my dreams are not forever gone of having a long-term relationship. I would still very much like that to happen for me and yes even get hitched at some point would be alright too. I think after my last relationship I became a tad bitter sorta. And just wanted to be free and maybe have something open and so forth but to be honest with you I don’t want to share at all. I don’t want to share the person I’m with with anyone. And having an open relationship is not something I ever plan on doing.

So that being said I am at the moment talking to some great bachelors. Some are a tad further then I would like but when it’s talking its alright. Also some live in my city too. I think I will always want the whole 9 yards, I am a hopeless romantic for sure and though this may seem lame to some I’m on the hunt for my prince. Any who I just wanted to share my thoughts on this whole thing.

Over & Out

Promise Rings


So with any relationship some women may get a promise ring given to her from the guy. Promise rings are not just for women they can also be for men too but it’s not that common. They can be for pr engagement. Commencing the relationship or anything else really because it’s a promise.

I like the idea of a promise ring for either person. There are many styles of rings out there and when it comes to men’s styles there pretty simple though I have seen some with very neat details. And let’s be honest you could really use any type of ring even though some say they are wedding bands when it comes to the meaning behind it I don’t think it should really matter.

You could get something plain but have it engraved on the inside with a special message. You could have your first name and the date you first met or just the date. I think the idea of a promise ring is very old-fashioned but also romantic too.

At the end of the day you’re celebrating the love you both have for each other. And doing promise rings is letting the world know your together. And how much you’re in love with each other at least that’s what it would mean to me.

Over & Out

Some Cool Things

So this post is a mash-up of what’s been happening lately. Nothing major but yesterday was my one year anniversary since I had a some what life changing surgery. So that’s pretty darn cool I do have to say. Hmm what else to date in total I have lost 65 pounds. I checked my high ratio for healthy weight and I fall almost in the middle for my height so that’s good.  For women who are 6′ 3″ (191 cm) 158 – 193, right now I’m 173lb. I got that from this chart that you can find here called height to weight ratio chart.

I just got a new wig in the mail today. I bought it off my friend for a great price. She never wore it but had bought it as a back up. The color is called dark chocolate and its very close to the color that I had dyed my hair. I’ll be doing a little review on it in the coming days. Once I have washed and styled it to my liking and do a small photo shoot haha with makeup on. I just washed it and its now drying but I need to part it how I like it and so forth.

Friday I’m going to see my boyfriend play hockey for the first time. Well me seeing him play I mean. That should be fun. I’ll most likely be wearing my new hair for sure. Hmmm I guess that’s it really nothing majorly new.

Keep an eye out for the wig review under Everything Beauty.

Over & Out

A Love Letter

To my beloved boyfriend. I love how you make me feel. The touch of your hand on my skin. The way you look at me. I love how much you love me.

I love how your different then me that were not exactly alike but that we have many things in common. I love how you don’t care if I’m in comfy clothing when you come over, or not a stick of makeup on. That you love me for who I am regardless of my flaws.

I love you Mr M

Over & Out

Something I’m Struggling With Sorta

It’s my fear of gaining weight. You might be thinking what on earth is she talking about. It’s the fear of going back to what I once weighed. I step on the scale a few times through the week and I still make sure not to eat too much fattening things. I enjoy being thin again. And no way do I ever want to get back to being 238. I kind of wish that some of my curves stayed but because of how my body is built that’s not an option. Thankfully my boobs will never really shrink much thanks to breast implants LOL.

Its sorta funny because when I’m out, my eyes and my old thoughts come back to food its like I could eat tons of crap. But now its like not something I want or care about truly. I was out with my mother at the supermarket yesterday and saw all the fabulous foods and junk I once ate. And now all I see is calories and things that make you fat. As in all the unhealthy foods. Heck even to much of a good thing can make you fat. I had a tiny piece of this desert today after lunch so I could try it that my parents had brought back with them last night. And just having the tiniest piece does the trick for me now.

I mean I don’t want to sound like I don’t allow myself some things. I will have deep-fried onion rings at my fave place to eat. But like twice in a matter of 5 months is not that bad. And when I have had them its been with a spinach chicken wrap. Something healthy to balance that not so healthy side. And I don’t always get unhealthy side dish’s because you should be able to cheat now and then. But I am cautious and I do kind of do a calorie count in my head when ever I eat something. Because the last thing I want to do is get back to 238 pounds and get back to a state that I hated and was unhappy about.

I don’t have an eating disorder of any kind just to make that clear. I’m just really careful about what I put in my mouth and that I mentally count calories. So I stay on track of things. I enjoy food. I eat 3 meals a day and sometimes a snack, breakfast, lunch a snack sometimes and dinner. I drink loads of water, And I workout with some days off. I just don’t feel the need to always eat sweets or desserts and frankly my sweet tooth is not so sweet anymore. But I have worked way to hard to get to the weight that I am that its scary to think that I could easily go back to the way I was.

That is all this post is really about. Maybe its a normal feeling to have like when you first quit smoking cigarettes and you have those crazy ass dreams. About wanting to smoke and then you freak out when you wake because there so life-like. All I know is is that they are just thoughts and I’m in control of them and I hope I never get back to the way I was. That’s all I can really do. I also want to point out I’m not working out like crazy as I was doing. The Jillian Michael’s Ripped In 30 I have not touched nor really care about touching again. I’m happy to be thinner and in my walking dvd there is a weights strength workout with dumbbells that is a great workout. And I’m perfectly happy just doing those then getting all ripped.

Any who just needed to share.

Over & Out