Dear Early Teens You

Please forgive your self.

The future you, the You who is writing to the younger you wants to let you know that your body image dreams do come true. The person you so wanted to become does in fact become a reality. It was not an easy road if anything it was a very hard road with a lot of bumps and curves and bends but it’s brought fun amazing crazy wild moments with it as well.

Id also like to say that where you went the path you went down the mistakes you made, also made you the person who survived the person who took control of where your path went. Even though you made mistakes and even though you had some unfortunate events. You made it out as a stronger individual. You are so much more than you even realize.

You had a hard time sometimes you brought things on your self and other times it was just how the cards were laid out before you. But you made it out onto the other side and became a stronger person.

You are loved

I Love ❤️ You!!!!

Saying Goodbye To Negative People

I’m just not putting up with negative people anymore. I’m also not dealing with people who have nothing else better to do but put me down. I can fully admit my flaws and I can fully admit when I’m wrong or apologize if I’ve hurt someone’s feelings. I never say I’m perfect in any way because I know I’m not and I sure as hell know other people aren’t as well.

Last Summer I had reconnected with an old best friend of mine. But that friend is still very much the Negative Nancy. A conversation we had a few weeks ago he thought it would be okay to bring up his opinions on me. We were having a conversation and yes I was bitching a little bit.  I told him I’m sorry if I was being harsh but he had also been doing the same thing about one of his friends. And we moved on. It was a lighthearted bitch fest nothing I was saying was over the top and we were laughing. It was like old times.

We had been discussing me going to Toronto this summer and the plan was for me to stay with him. And then yesterday’s shit show happened.

img_5364

img_5363

img_5366

I’ve had it with these types of people. You can point out flaws I may or may not have, that you think I have but that’s your problem not mine. Notice how he told me how he thought I was but wouldn’t give me a reason in why he thought what he thought.

What I thought was funny is that he said I’d question everything he said, I would ask questions because I wanted to know more of what he said or meant. As far as I know that’s normal to ask questions.

Egotistical, Shallow and Narcissistic at times.

I have a real problem with these terms.

1. When I was younger sure I might have had a few of those but then who didn’t, this friend of mine when he was younger and skinny he loved all the attention he got from all his muscle built men that were after him. What I remember was he never slept with any fat men if they were not built like a brick house he wasn’t into them, they also had to be extremely masculine if they were twinks as he put it, he wasn’t interested.

2. When I went to 238lbs being sick of being fat I don’t think has anything to do with any of those. But when I was fat I attracted nobody. I was extremely unhappy, I didn’t fit into anything cute, I hated my body and I hated how I looked. Also I was extremely negative more oftentimes then not because I wasn’t happy.

3. Have I always been attracted to muscular men HELL YES, I want to feel safe when I’m with a man and I can’t help liking and being attracted to what I like. Do they need to have a personality HELL YES. Also muscles turn my crank it’s my thing just like other people like what they like. That being said I’ve dated all types of guys, skinny guys,short guys,tall guys,fat guys,kinky guys all types. What I prefer are tall, muscled, masculine men.

Image is everything to you, in all the wrong ways, your all looks and no brain

Yup I’m a fucking walking talking Barbie doll!

Boy he knows me so well. I should go find my Ken then and we should go play in the sand box.

Not once did I throw shade to this person or bring up how much he whines over his family or his friends or how he’s a miserable person. I was hoping he had grown up but he showed me he’s still the same negative nancy he was when we stopped talking. The only difference then was he hung up on me because we were having a discussion. This time he hid behind his phone on Facebook messenger and just didn’t give me any real reason behind what he was saying to me. It’s like he was hoping we would stop speaking.

What I have learned from this situation is some people never grow as a person and they never truly grow up. I know it’s harder to think positive and be positive but the more you do it the easier it gets. Life is to fucking short to keep negativity in your life or keep negative people around. Do I love my self whole heartedly now yes and I’ll be damned to let other people try to put me down or use words against me that aren’t even true. If you are someone who’s overly negative or your having issues within your self look in the mirror first and if the person looking back at you you’re not fond of then change. Or better yet let the person go because nobody wants to socialize or be around negative people except other negative people.

I have absolutely no interest in becoming friends with this person again. I wish them well in their life but I hope he wakes up one day and realizes life is way more important then being miserable and negative.

Over & Out

💃🏻Burlesque💃🏻

So back in October I went to a Halloween party and while I was there they had a burlesque performance. The woman who did it I was able to chat to and we talked and I thought it would be so cool to get into it.

Then I went and saw the same girl dance with her troupe and when I was at that show they wanted volunteers to do the  shimmy. I won second place as well got a pair of pasties with tassels.

Well fast forward a month or so and a shit ton of hours and glue, rhinestones,  fringe and practise. I put together two numbers. Also two different outfits and added some wigs as well.

Here is my custom bra and panties set.

The panties I did add a few more stones to the fringe. The tassels are hand sewn. I did put together another pantie that is similar to that one but less fringe.

I was nervous all of Tuesday to be honest and since we’re being honest I did think about backing out. But spending all the hours in creating my costume and practising my numbers it was an all in type of thing.

I debuted this past Tuesday as Kandy’s Secret. The first number went okay though I didn’t completely stick to routine most likely from nerves but my second number went pretty well minus a slight shoe issue same thing with the first act the shoes wanted to do something else lol.

The two songs I did was:

Marilyn Monroes: My Heart Belongs To Daddy.

Madonnas: Human Nature

I rocked my Gabor short blonde lace-front wig for the Marilyn number and then Bennett Lace front wig from Noriko.

I think going forward though, I may scrap the wig for Madonnas number and just rock my own hair with a clip-pony. Less sweat as well less hot. It’s one thing to dance on stage it’s another to do it under lights. I also lip sang Madonnas number.

I met some wonderful performers and got some great advice for going forward. Where I did my performance they do different events for the same community and they do these types of shows two Tuesdays of the month. I plan to go back on Jan 31st and do one of my numbers again. By going back I can get better at perfecting my acts.

The best part is they video record it and post it to the Facebook page of the community. I’ve also made a page for my persona. Anyways it was a blast, I highly enjoyed my self and will be going again for sure.

Over & Out

The Truth About Permanent Hair Extensions

So if you have been following my blog since last year and or if you’re a new follower to my blog, last year my hair extension quest started to wanting more permanent hair extensions. You see women on Instagram and YouTube and pretty much everywhere women with mermaid long hair.

Clip-in extensions I think only really blend well if you have dark hair but I find it’s harder to blend with lighter hair colors. And though I know my hair is growing at a rapid speed I just wanted to wake up with pretty long down to the boob hair.  Instant gratification.

Did I need to spend the money on such an expensive service NO! But the urge of having long hair was over powering. Now let me just make this clear I suffer from OCD. Things I can’t control bug the life out of me but I am getting better with some things.

Last Tuesday July 5th I made my way toward the salon that I googled as well facebooked I then called from the bus and made an appointment for a  consultation.

At first it was about Great Lengths then I thought about just getting the 11 piece clip-ins. I now wish I just went with the clip-ins but oh no Lana wanted the great lengths. Anyways the stylist and I spoke about great lengths they were cold fusion. I first paid a deposit and then finished paying after it was all said and done.

My hair was washed two times no conditioner. They then blow dry your hair and put zero heat protectant they then flat-iron your hair again no heat protectant. That bothered me but I get it I suppose.

He lightly trimmed my ends saying who ever did it last didn’t make it even and he layered the extensions with my hair. As well layered and thinned out my hair a little.

He then curled my hair with the extensions before sending me on my way.

He told me I couldn’t wash my hair for three days, to stay far away from my coconut oil hair treatments that I do and to not wash my hair for 72 hours so like come Saturday the 9th I could wash it.

I left the salon feeling fabulous and till I got home. The guilt took over and I couldn’t believe I just threw down all that money on hair that was to sit in my head for 3 – 6 months.

imageOnce I was home I wanted to take some snap shots of my super pretty hair.

After the fan blowing and all that fun stuff I then recurled the hair and it curled really easily.

That night though sleeping was extremely uncomfortable the bonds though for the most part were flat I couldn’t sleep all that great. Wednesday came and Wednesday left. Again that sleep was crappy again uncomfortable not only that but having these foreign objects in your head was totally annoying. At least with clip-ins you can remove them. Or a wig for that matter or hair piece you can take it off.

But nope not these they are there and till you go and get them taken out. Or do what I did. Thursday morning I woke annoyed, I took my shower and decided I would wet the extensions and remove the hair spray by washing just the extensions not my roots or the bonds.

I got out of the shower and noticed the pretty wave pattern. But upon air drying and my hair there was a major demarcation line between the end of my hair at the back and the extensions. I was like my hair looks like utter shit. It’s not blending at all and now I’m not even happy WTF.

I sent the salon a message in Facebook saying what happened. I said for the amount of money I spent they should look flawless and they don’t. They told me to call and ask for the stylist who did it and things would get fixed. But I was to embarrassed and didn’t want to be that Client!.

So I went looking on google as well YouTube and such in how to remove them. A lot of the info was that I needed some solution to break down the bonds but then I remember the stylist said to keep away from not just coconut oil but any oil I’m guessing because it breaks down the bonds. I did do a removal bond video on my channel one thing I didn’t mention is that it took me about an hour and a half to remove them also I had half a head of extensions and it was more for length the volume.

I used 100% coconut oil, pliers,two q-tips, hand held mirror and a shit ton of patience oh and in the video I’m watching tv.

Now I’m sure any other women out there might like hot or cold fusion extensions but if you are someone who is anal about foreign objects in their hair or have OCD about certain things permeant hair extensions may not be for you. Sadly this is a very expensive lesson to learn. I’ll stick to cheaper methods of getting long hair instantly by sporting hair pieces or full wigs.

The photos below are after I got those things out of my hair got it washed and then blow dried my hair and hot curl brushed it with heat protectant Thankyou very much lol. Oh no need for a hair trim any time soon thanks!.

 

Life Update for April

Lordy it’s been very interesting the past few months first things first. I did pay off one of my credit cards and canceled it so proud of my self for doing that. One less debt to worry about.

I had gone on a fun date with one guy that I’m still talking to from time to time. He’s much taller than me and a real funny guy. I do plan to meet up with him again if he comes back to Ottawa or when I go to Toronto when I go to visit friends.

Then there was this other guy that lived pretty far away we had connected and it was going pretty fast. Though we never physically met we did Skype a lot and text and all of that. However more often than not we butted heads and till I decided it was best to part ways.

My hair journey is going well it’s getting pretty long as are my roots. I’m on this new kick of letting my natural color come through. I want to say it’s more of a light brown then a dark brown. I have a lot of colors in my hair though it’s hard not to want to Color my hair because I’m so addicted to it.

Ive started to do Oil Pulling with my favourite natural oil coconut oil, god this stuff is amazing and so versatile. My new plan this year is to pay down my other credit card and enjoy my time with good friends and family and work on my self.

 

I Still Have LTR Dreams

Romance-wallpaper-9

So my dreams are not forever gone of having a long-term relationship. I would still very much like that to happen for me and yes even get hitched at some point would be alright too. I think after my last relationship I became a tad bitter sorta. And just wanted to be free and maybe have something open and so forth but to be honest with you I don’t want to share at all. I don’t want to share the person I’m with with anyone. And having an open relationship is not something I ever plan on doing.

So that being said I am at the moment talking to some great bachelors. Some are a tad further then I would like but when it’s talking its alright. Also some live in my city too. I think I will always want the whole 9 yards, I am a hopeless romantic for sure and though this may seem lame to some I’m on the hunt for my prince. Any who I just wanted to share my thoughts on this whole thing.

Over & Out

Promise Rings

image2

So with any relationship some women may get a promise ring given to her from the guy. Promise rings are not just for women they can also be for men too but it’s not that common. They can be for pr engagement. Commencing the relationship or anything else really because it’s a promise.

I like the idea of a promise ring for either person. There are many styles of rings out there and when it comes to men’s styles there pretty simple though I have seen some with very neat details. And let’s be honest you could really use any type of ring even though some say they are wedding bands when it comes to the meaning behind it I don’t think it should really matter.

You could get something plain but have it engraved on the inside with a special message. You could have your first name and the date you first met or just the date. I think the idea of a promise ring is very old-fashioned but also romantic too.

At the end of the day you’re celebrating the love you both have for each other. And doing promise rings is letting the world know your together. And how much you’re in love with each other at least that’s what it would mean to me.

Over & Out

Some Cool Things

So this post is a mash-up of what’s been happening lately. Nothing major but yesterday was my one year anniversary since I had a some what life changing surgery. So that’s pretty darn cool I do have to say. Hmm what else to date in total I have lost 65 pounds. I checked my high ratio for healthy weight and I fall almost in the middle for my height so that’s good.  For women who are 6′ 3″ (191 cm) 158 – 193, right now I’m 173lb. I got that from this chart that you can find here called height to weight ratio chart.

I just got a new wig in the mail today. I bought it off my friend for a great price. She never wore it but had bought it as a back up. The color is called dark chocolate and its very close to the color that I had dyed my hair. I’ll be doing a little review on it in the coming days. Once I have washed and styled it to my liking and do a small photo shoot haha with makeup on. I just washed it and its now drying but I need to part it how I like it and so forth.

Friday I’m going to see my boyfriend play hockey for the first time. Well me seeing him play I mean. That should be fun. I’ll most likely be wearing my new hair for sure. Hmmm I guess that’s it really nothing majorly new.

Keep an eye out for the wig review under Everything Beauty.

Over & Out

A Love Letter

To my beloved boyfriend. I love how you make me feel. The touch of your hand on my skin. The way you look at me. I love how much you love me.

I love how your different then me that were not exactly alike but that we have many things in common. I love how you don’t care if I’m in comfy clothing when you come over, or not a stick of makeup on. That you love me for who I am regardless of my flaws.

I love you Mr M

Over & Out