Please welcome my 8 week old Coco 🐾😘😍❤
Since losing Diva it’s been really difficult for me. I won’t sugar coat it but I’ve been lost, heartbroken and quite honestly I was honestly wanting to be with her on the other side. You see when you spend almost 11 years with your fur baby. You both depend on each other immensely. We knew each other and would chat even though we didn’t speak the same language we just clicked. She made me leave the house when I didn’t want too, to take her out for walks or to the park and once there she put a smile on my face. Having a routine that was the same everyday made me feel important even when other things in my life went south. She was there for all the happy moments and all the sad. She was my soul mate.
And you see when that suddenly stops and vanishes its extremely hard to go back to a life that you don’t even know. Because the life you had before her was so long ago you just can’t comprehend what you’re supposed to do. Last Wednesday was one of the hardest days I’ve had since losing Diva. I made the effort to call my mother to see if I could go back to my parents home to stay for a little while longer. I just couldn’t be in my apartment by myself.
It was honestly to empty. Knowing she wasn’t there physically was just braking me inside. Never truly being by myself was destroying me inside. Heck that Wednesday I cried for an hour, had a mini panic attack and I’ve never felt anything like that then losing the one thing that loved me truly unconditionally, faults and all. I know my family love me as well friends but it’s just hard to describe because I don’t speak dog and she doesn’t speak English. But we are connected on a much deeper level.
Though Divas ashes are in her urn and I would talk to her it was just too much to bear. So I called my mother and packed a bag and she came to pick me up. I spoke to friends about possibly becoming a foster dog mom down the road. But it just isn’t for me at this time. Any who both my parents mentioned to me that they would like to see me with another dog and would try to make something workout.
I went looking online and googling and went to a few sites and I wasn’t really finding what I wanted. I knew I wanted preferably a Chihuahua mix again. Because I really lucked out with Diva. But I wanted something small enough I could carry or walk. Anyways I had summited an application for a dog but they never got back to me. And literally as my father and I were having lunch. I spoke out loud and said “Diva send me a dog”, that afternoon I came across an ad for Chorkie puppies. Three female puppies, right away I saw the one that just stood out to me the most. I mean all three were adorable but when you just have a feeling. You go with it. A Chorkie is a cross between a Yorkshire Terrier and a Chihuahua. The breeder was a very nice lady by the way, had both parents, I was able to see them and meet them. The father a beautiful Chihuahua as well beautiful colouring is maybe 7lbs and the mother is maybe 8lbs Yorkie again light in color.
I was able to hold this new bundle of joy in my hands. She was born Feb 11 her astrology sign is Aquarius (The sign of Aquarius is the Water Bearer which is ruled by the planet Uranus. Aquarius is an air sign and happens to be the most intelligent and intuitive sign in the zodiac. Aquarians are unpredictable and can go from zero to sixty in about two seconds. These dogs are also difficult at times in that they like to do what they want to do when they want to do it. What makes us adore them is that they are extremely loving and love others. The Aquarian dog is perfect if you want them to be a companion to another dog, cat or chicken! They will be game to whomever you pair them up with. However, Aquarians need their space and alone time to plot and plan their next amazing surprise and just when you least expect it they will dazzle you.)
I get her early April and this is what she looks like. Also from what I read Chorkies fur coats can change colour depending on the season. So it will be very interesting if hers changes as well.
Honestly I believe Diva wanted me to have her in my life and that’s why I found the ad, after I asked her to send me a Dog. Because she knows that she will be so well taken care of. These past few weeks have been so difficult for me. This Wednesday will be three weeks Diva has been gone and quite frankly I don’t know what I would have done if this little bundle of beauty didn’t come into my life. I truly and honestly believe everything happens for a reason. Sometimes I don’t know why, or how. But I’m thankful for every moment. If you would have asked me 15 years ago if I’d be where I am. I’d probably laugh because so much good has come which completely disregards the negative that I’ve experienced. And though I’ll always have a special place in my heart for Diva. When Coco comes home she will be my main focus.
I’m excited for this next chapter!
Diva’s last day is happening on my best friends birthday 🎂. Ideally it was set for Thursday at noon but that time doesn’t work for the dr so it was either 8pm Thursday or two times on Wednesday I chose 12pm. It’s bitter sweet in a way as well because when I got Diva it wasn’t a super great day as in weather wise. It was also in the day time when I got her as well. They are calling for rain on Wednesday.
I did do some reading on what to expect and towels come into place because they usually end up letting their blatter go and sometimes bowels, I also read their eyes can stay open but I feel if she’s in my arms and she is already on pain meds plus the sedative she will fall asleep. I also plan to place her into the drs vehicle my self.
I wont be there for the private cremation. Though was told I could watch if I so chose too. My emotions come in waves. My IBS has done a number and the headaches are getting on my nerves. I’ve also lost about five pounds and it’s not because I’m not eating because I am. But I think 🤔 it’s the stress of all of it.
Tomorrow which is Tuesday I’ll be doing a paw ink print of her foot in pink as well a clay impression. I plan to get her paw tattooed at some point on me. I read also a great article about when your animal passes and the material things that are left behind, you can see that article by clicking ME.
I’ve also been working on a video in memory of her and have been adding to it constantly and will keep adding to it and till she passes. Right now it’s at around 45 minutes. With photos, video clips and music. There will never be another dog like her. But there will be other dogs.
So far I’ve raised almost all of the money that I need to pay for everything. I’m blessed to have all the donations as well family and friends that have reached out to me.
Honestly you never quite know what true unconditional love is and till you get an animal. Because they love you no matter what.
I’m utterly devastated to share this news with everyone. I found out yesterday evening at 5:50pm the test results. The thing on her paw is a Mass Cell Cancer Tumour it is high grade. Instead of taking her to the vet to have her stress out and get anxiety I’ve decided to make the best decision to do home hospice.
Home hospice is when they come to your home and your animal can go in peace and as comfortable as possible. I’m at my family’s home. I’ve decided who I will go with since there are two options for the best service.
I’ve had two friends already donate some money towards her hospice care. I’ve also created a Go Fund Me Page called Divas Hospice Care if you do choose to donate any amount is great. And it will go to pay for the services as well cremation of her.
It saddens me and has devastated me beyond anything I’ve ever felt. Next week I’ll be sharing on my YouTube channel my last and final video of her. And I don’t know when I’ll be back on it.
Going forward my plan is to take some me time to grieve. Then to live without an animal for a little while and when I’m ready then I’ll more then likely become a foster dog parent. To help dogs that need a safe space before getting adopted and if and when the right dog comes to me and doesn’t want to go then I’ll adopt them.
I’ve had a headache almost all day, I feel dehydrated from crying and have been drinking loads of water. And I’ve been snapping photos and videos of Diva. I even took her to the park so she could run off leash and play. I’ll most likely take her to the park near my parents place tomorrow if she’s up for it.
I won’t be blogging for a little while as I take some time off social media.
Thankyou to everyone who’s following along in this painful journey. And I’m sorry to anyone who’s in the same position as I am who’s having to say goodbye to their best friend.
Again to donate you can do so by going to this link Divas Hospice Care
Finally took her to the vet yesterday. They took some samples from her paw and sent them in for further testing. So we will finally find out what exactly is going on. The vet didn’t detect a heart murmur and said sometimes depending on how they breath can make their heart beat differently so at this rate I’m confused on if she does or doesn’t have one because I’ve now heard three different things.
Also her breath may stink a touch because she’s got a loose tooth. But having it removed I can’t afford at this moment. It’s not bothering her so it can fall out by it’s self at this rate. I had also bought a new Victorian collar from the vet that was fitted for her. The vet said to keep her paw dry and bandaged for two days then to clean it and rebandage it.
But I went out last night and when I returned home what do you think she managed to do. ripped into the toe removed the insides of the pad and yeah. So here’s me at 1:25am having to reclean and bandage the damn thing. I was livid! To say the least. They need to make those collars so they can’t get at any of their paws period!
No idea what I’m gonna do about her. Seriously 😳 it bothers me! Anyways that was not something I wanted to come home too.
I’ll find out in 7 to 10 days what’s up with her results and then will then figure it out from there. Update will follow when I know what’s going on.
When we were at the vet last to treat her vaginitis she also had a small cyst on her paw between her two toes. The vet put her on antibiotics and said it should clear both of them up. Well her interdigital cyst didn’t go away. In fact it’s grown to a pretty decent size.
I’ve been doing epson salt soaks, peroxide cleaning, using polysporin. And when I go out I wrap her paw in vet wrap, dog sock, I’ve even done the victorian caller as well the other two combined. Though when I return home the sock and vet wrap has been removed. But she’s still wearing the collar.
Shes been getting half of a Benadryl pill. But not sure it’s helping. She will be seeing the vet later this month. And I think we will do the biopsy to see what it is for sure. I’ve been talking to the vet through email.
Also her breath stinks and her vaginitis is back im pretty sure. Her breath just stinks almost like her paw. It’s weird. She doesn’t have much energy here. Even though she does at my parents. And her cyst doesn’t ooze it bleeds. Ugh less walks for her as well and she’s hates when I leave. Ever since the fire happened in the building she hasn’t been the same since. Very clingy, follows me practically everywhere I go.
That’s the latest with Diva. Will update after we see the vet in the next few weeks.
So Diva went to the vet today to get a vaccine. And while I was there she had a physical . The vet tells me after looking at her teeth that they are in bad shape and that one tooth needs to be pulled. And that she’s between a stage of 3 & 4 of periodontitis. And her bad breath is not from her licking all the time because of the urine that she leaks. And yet the last time I saw this vet and he looked her over and looked at her teeth then he told me nothing of this sort.
Of course I said well I’m not here today about her mouth and I’m not made of money so he then tells me that he could give me a price quote. A low-end and a high-end. Check this out on the low-end if she needed just two teeth removed it would cost me. $869.73 and on the high-end if she needed more than 2 teeth removed it would cost. Ready for it lord $1,422.18. So before I decide to go there I’m gonna take her to this other vet and get a price comparison hopefully they will be way cheaper. And it won’t cost me a fortune crossing my fingers for that.
And the funny thing is about her breath the last time I asked him about it could it be from the urine he’s like yes. It’s like the vet does not know what he’s talking about or he’s giving me the run around. I don’t really like him all that much and find him a touch annoying. it’s like do you know what you’re talking about. Then he goes on to tell me about her hair cut and that when you cut a poms fur it does not grow back the same but its like buddie my dog is a mix with chihuahua. And the area that had red marks are all healed up. I don’t think I’m going to bring her back there even though it’s super close I can walk her there from my house. The last vet that was there this lady who was super nice and knew what she was talking about she was great but this new guy I don’t care for.
Plus the other vet they have more vets that work at the other vet hospital so that’s good. On the plus side Diva’s back to the weight she was at 17.6 pounds. So that’s good news. When I asked the guy should I leave her on what she’s on or switch food, he’s like just increase the amount she’s eating. It’s like ok but I would think she could just go back to her old food just not eat so much of it. The food she is on is for weight control but she’s at the weight she was at plus shes getting daily walks when it’s not raining out. Any who so that is the latest with Miss Diva. Hopefully the other vet it won’t cost so much for her teeth. And I’ll be able to get it done at some point. It sucks her mouth is so damn bad because I brush her teeth everyday.
But I’ll do what needs to be done to keep her around longer heck she will be 7 on August 24th. So it’s not like she’s old by any means. And besides her mouth she is in perfect health so that’s a plus as well.
Love my Diva.
Over & Out