Something I’m Struggling With Sorta

It’s my fear of gaining weight. You might be thinking what on earth is she talking about. It’s the fear of going back to what I once weighed. I step on the scale a few times through the week and I still make sure not to eat too much fattening things. I enjoy being thin again. And no way do I ever want to get back to being 238. I kind of wish that some of my curves stayed but because of how my body is built that’s not an option. Thankfully my boobs will never really shrink much thanks to breast implants LOL.

Its sorta funny because when I’m out, my eyes and my old thoughts come back to food its like I could eat tons of crap. But now its like not something I want or care about truly. I was out with my mother at the supermarket yesterday and saw all the fabulous foods and junk I once ate. And now all I see is calories and things that make you fat. As in all the unhealthy foods. Heck even to much of a good thing can make you fat. I had a tiny piece of this desert today after lunch so I could try it that my parents had brought back with them last night. And just having the tiniest piece does the trick for me now.

I mean I don’t want to sound like I don’t allow myself some things. I will have deep-fried onion rings at my fave place to eat. But like twice in a matter of 5 months is not that bad. And when I have had them its been with a spinach chicken wrap. Something healthy to balance that not so healthy side. And I don’t always get unhealthy side dish’s because you should be able to cheat now and then. But I am cautious and I do kind of do a calorie count in my head when ever I eat something. Because the last thing I want to do is get back to 238 pounds and get back to a state that I hated and was unhappy about.

I don’t have an eating disorder of any kind just to make that clear. I’m just really careful about what I put in my mouth and that I mentally count calories. So I stay on track of things. I enjoy food. I eat 3 meals a day and sometimes a snack, breakfast, lunch a snack sometimes and dinner. I drink loads of water, And I workout with some days off. I just don’t feel the need to always eat sweets or desserts and frankly my sweet tooth is not so sweet anymore. But I have worked way to hard to get to the weight that I am that its scary to think that I could easily go back to the way I was.

That is all this post is really about. Maybe its a normal feeling to have like when you first quit smoking cigarettes and you have those crazy ass dreams. About wanting to smoke and then you freak out when you wake because there so life-like. All I know is is that they are just thoughts and I’m in control of them and I hope I never get back to the way I was. That’s all I can really do. I also want to point out I’m not working out like crazy as I was doing. The Jillian Michael’s Ripped In 30 I have not touched nor really care about touching again. I’m happy to be thinner and in my walking dvd there is a weights strength workout with dumbbells that is a great workout. And I’m perfectly happy just doing those then getting all ripped.

Any who just needed to share.

Over & Out