How Are You Doing? They Ask

Some days are okay, other days it sucks. It’s amazing how some people are insensitive. It’s amazing how my depression is kinda coming back since Diva passed. I know by having this new puppy will bring some joy back into my life. I’m taking the month of April off from doing burlesque so I can focus on this puppy and to train her and get into a new routine. My last show is tomorrow night. Then I’ll be performing next May 5th.

Also my mood is meh. I’ve been going for walks thinking it’s gonna clear my head but it doesn’t it just brings up memories of walking diva or just her in general. I have to say after she died I wanted to go with her. To say I’m doing okay is an understatement. I have moments of enjoyment but then I have to return to my apartment and that’s the difficult thing. Returning to an empty house. It will be one full month Wednesday that she left. I miss her so much it hurts.

Am I upset yup. Am I depressed I’d say so. Am I happy not really. Losing Diva the way I did was super sad. If she didn’t get cancer she would have lived a long time this I know. It just sucks that she’s not here with me.

Sleeping is difficult, I hate going to bed alone. Not having a dog is extremely difficult and my anxiety is coming back as well. Two more weeks and I will be busy with a new pup as well routine. This whole non routine business isn’t my thing at all.

I hate it!



One Month To Go

So I’m about a month away from moving into my new place. Monday I’m getting my renters insurance I need it before I can sign my lease. Then on Tuesday I go and sign my lease, it’s all so exciting. Though Friday night when I had my girls night one of the people I invited I found out lives in the area that I’m moving to and there not a fan of it. Saying there is too much crime and what not. Ya sure I have googled the area and Ya there is some crime in the area but there is crime in every area. As long as you mind your own business and keep to your self. And you make your place as comfy and homey as possible then I think one can look past it.

There is no perfect place and unfortunately when you get some not so great people they give areas a bad reputation and damper it for other people. But I also read that they are trying to clean up this area which makes me happy. I have no plans to be going out late at night. Or even past 10pm for that matter. I don’t talk to strangers as it is nor do I hang out with sketchy people.

That being said I have been having I don’t know what to call it dreams flashes of past memories but I can see my self in my new apartment. Decorating it, drinking coffee from my cute little kitchen looking out from my 15th floor apartment at my amazing view. Watching tv from my cute living room and eating at my adorable eatery.

Also painting my kitchen cabinets and making it as fabulous as I can. I can picture my apartment in my mind of how it’s going to look when I’m finished with it. I’m super excited for his next phase in my life. And I know it will be exciting and amazing and fun. I’m ready for this next chapter.

I’m honestly not that worried and if I need to ill take a self-defence class. Which might be a good idea just for the sake of learning. But for the most part who’s really going to mess with me I’m tall haha. But really I’ll just like I said mind my own business, do my own thing and keep to my self as much as possible. Does not mean I won’t be polite to people in my building. But I also don’t plan on befriending every one either.

A friend of mine last night asked if I started packing yet. I was like no I don’t need to start yet. I’ll start in like two weeks. He’s like well you may want to do it now and I said I don’t have a crap load of stuff I mean I do in a sense but I know where everything is. And a lot of it will be packed into big plastic bins and bedding and some clothing will be put into garbage bags and be moved over by hand. As for big furniture pieces that will be done by a truck. But I’m hoping I get the keys when I sign my lease so I can slowly paint and move little things over at a time. I mean once I get the keys I can take my time moving which is nice.

It’s not like I have to move quickly from my parents to my apartment. Plus when it comes to big furniture pieces I have to book the elevator and have to make sure my brothers and boyfriends schedule is free since they will be moving the big stuff. But for the small stuff I can take my time and also bring my pictures over to get those hung up.

This move is going to go smoothly and as stress free as possible. Because it will be an adjustment for not just my self but for my parents as well the dogs. Sophie which is my parents dog she’s got her routine, in the evening when I go to my room to watch tv she comes with me and Diva which they then lay on my bed. And in the morning when my parents leave for work she comes into my room and sleeps with me and Diva and till I wake up. Then I let Sasha my parents other pooch out of her crate, I then let them all out to do their business and then I feed everyone’s their breakfast and eat mine. And Sophie is very much into her routine she dislikes it when it’s disturbed lol. Maybe that’s a Cavalier King Charles spaniel thing who knows.

But I’m sure once Diva and I are moved out completely Sophie will walk into my room and go huh there not here. But we will be coming on weekends for dog play and family visits. The nice thing is I’m not moving that far away and by car it’s maybe 25 minutes or so which is good.

So besides a new routine everyone will be learning. I’m excited for this, more so now that it’s getting closer. Packing I’m not excited for but it will be way easier then it was the first time I moved out. The first time it was rushed and stressful and there was no elevator lol. I’m very happy there are two of them in the building and there new as of two years ago haha.

Also I’m lucky because each unit has their own electrical box so changing lights and what not will be very easy to do. And it’s located in the storage room which is in my small hallway. I’m excited to show you the inside of my place before I get it all decorated which I will do hopefully before I move stuff over.

So that is the latest, I will probably write another post after I have signed my lease keep your fingers crossed for me that I get my keys early like the day I sign the lease. So exciting.

Over & Out