Something I’m Struggling With Sorta

It’s my fear of gaining weight. You might be thinking what on earth is she talking about. It’s the fear of going back to what I once weighed. I step on the scale a few times through the week and I still make sure not to eat too much fattening things. I enjoy being thin again. And no way do I ever want to get back to being 238. I kind of wish that some of my curves stayed but because of how my body is built that’s not an option. Thankfully my boobs will never really shrink much thanks to breast implants LOL.

Its sorta funny because when I’m out, my eyes and my old thoughts come back to food its like I could eat tons of crap. But now its like not something I want or care about truly. I was out with my mother at the supermarket yesterday and saw all the fabulous foods and junk I once ate. And now all I see is calories and things that make you fat. As in all the unhealthy foods. Heck even to much of a good thing can make you fat. I had a tiny piece of this desert today after lunch so I could try it that my parents had brought back with them last night. And just having the tiniest piece does the trick for me now.

I mean I don’t want to sound like I don’t allow myself some things. I will have deep-fried onion rings at my fave place to eat. But like twice in a matter of 5 months is not that bad. And when I have had them its been with a spinach chicken wrap. Something healthy to balance that not so healthy side. And I don’t always get unhealthy side dish’s because you should be able to cheat now and then. But I am cautious and I do kind of do a calorie count in my head when ever I eat something. Because the last thing I want to do is get back to 238 pounds and get back to a state that I hated and was unhappy about.

I don’t have an eating disorder of any kind just to make that clear. I’m just really careful about what I put in my mouth and that I mentally count calories. So I stay on track of things. I enjoy food. I eat 3 meals a day and sometimes a snack, breakfast, lunch a snack sometimes and dinner. I drink loads of water, And I workout with some days off. I just don’t feel the need to always eat sweets or desserts and frankly my sweet tooth is not so sweet anymore. But I have worked way to hard to get to the weight that I am that its scary to think that I could easily go back to the way I was.

That is all this post is really about. Maybe its a normal feeling to have like when you first quit smoking cigarettes and you have those crazy ass dreams. About wanting to smoke and then you freak out when you wake because there so life-like. All I know is is that they are just thoughts and I’m in control of them and I hope I never get back to the way I was. That’s all I can really do. I also want to point out I’m not working out like crazy as I was doing. The Jillian Michael’s Ripped In 30 I have not touched nor really care about touching again. I’m happy to be thinner and in my walking dvd there is a weights strength workout with dumbbells that is a great workout. And I’m perfectly happy just doing those then getting all ripped.

Any who just needed to share.

Over & Out



Working Out

So since I started my workout and weight loss journey I have lost a total of 43 pounds. First I started walking the dogs and cutting out bread from my diet. Then I invested in a yoga dvd. After a few months of the yoga dvd I got bored with that so then I picked up a walking dvd and have used that dvd day in and day out. And having one day of no exercise though that has not been the case as of lately because i feel guilty for not getting off my butt and doing some form of a workout. My boyfriend showed me two other exercises to add to my workout which is a leg lift and Russian twist using his medicine ball. I have add those two workouts to my walking routine and have been doing that for the last 3 weeks.

But now I’m getting a little bored of the walking dvd so I just ordered Jillian Michaels Ripped In 30 days DVD. I watched the whole workout on Youtube but of not great quality. It looks like it should kick my butt and at the same time give me the results I’m looking for. Though I need to go to Walmart and pick up two 2 pound dumbbells. I think that by using her dvd I should be able to get more toned up. Also on her website there is a free downloadable meal plan for 30 days. For that workout dvd which is handy to have. Not sure I will be following that per say but it’s just nice to have if I so choose to use it.


Who knew I would be so into getting in shape. The fact that I feel guilty on the day that I should have just to chill is funny with in its self. Though with her dvd she wants you to workout 6 days a week and take one day off. We shall see if I can do that. The nice thing is the weights she uses in this dvd I believe are only 2 pounds so that’s good. Also the two models working out with her as she is teaching the workouts she has one model that is doing a beginner workout and the second girl is doing advanced so its great to see with in one workout what you can work up to once you get past the beginner stages.

I’m rather excited to get in my dvd and get to work. Also there are many people who has videos of their progress up on YouTube as well photo’s of their before and after results. I just want to get into the best possible shape I can be in. And it really is more for my self than anyone else though its nice to be dating someone who is into fitness. Because It makes me want to be in the best shape possible. Because when you feel good and you work on looking good you feel amazing. And I ware I will never get as fat as I once was. I will never allow my self to get back to 238 pounds ever again.

Over and out

Can I Say This

I enjoy working out omg I said it watch out ah hahaha. I did some yoga this afternoon because its been a long time since I have done any. But I thought I needed to do some stretching since my body has been aching though it could also be because the weather has gotten milder. But I only did 20 minutes of yoga and decided I would not do any of my walking workout.

And till lol

I had 3 pieces of pizza tonight for dinner and felt a little guilty. So I decided to pop in my walking workout dvd and did a mile workout. There is this one exercise called the evening mile. Its to be used in the evening but you can use it at any time. So I decided to do it tonight I just finished actually. Now I don’t feel so guilty eating those 3 pieces lol.

Its pretty amazing that I went from being 238 last July down to 206, 31 pounds lost. I feel great for getting my body to where it is at now.

Over and out